bambiwboone Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 He's good. We talked in circles. Ending as still friends. We message all day while are at work. I know our spouses would be angry. This would be our last strike. Should I just stop answering him? I don't understand him..he dumped me. Told me he wanted me gone. But now he wants me as his bff again. He is completely friendly. Nothing more. Unless he's drunk then he's goes back there a bit. Talks about being confused. Its like we are both attatched abnormally to eachother! Whats goinh on:(
2sunny Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 He knows he's not leaving any room in your life/ your mind/ your heart for an available man... So just stop responding. You can move forward if you get rid of him. He knows that - that's why he's communicating so much. It's to roadblock you from finding a new man. 1
randomwoman Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 Sounds like the MM that I deal with. He has a relationship with me only on his terms. If he feels like flirting, then he will and I can. If he feels like being a good husband to his wife, I'm treated like he barely knows me/platonic conversations and weird neutral reactions when I say anything flirtatious. He regulates the entire thing and it is very frustrating because as soon as I accept one or the other, he flip flops. I have asked a trusted male friend about this and he thinks my MM is a manipulator and has no feelings for me other than to see how he can affect my life and emotions with his words/actions. I understand where you are coming from. It's very hurtful and frustrating to not know where you stand with someone 1
ConcreteHeart Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 Bambi, I wish I could say that choosing to be friends is a great idea. I know that it is the honourable thing to do, leave a relationship on as good a terms as you can. Your post struct me because I tried so hard to make it work with the MM as friends. We were before we had our affair. Good friends, but it was just too difficult. The feelings we both had were just too fresh. I know that he really believed that's what he wanted, but in actuality, he just wanted to go back to his life and not have the guilt or stress of our affair effect his emotions. He was confused too, because I really think he believed that we could do it. Maybe he could, but in the end, I just couldn't deal with the constant rejection of even the friendship. I felt not even good enough for that. I became needy and desperate and I hated myself for that. I became a woman I didn't even recognize anymore, accepting any interaction with him as "friendship". It wasn't, it was his way of managing the relationship into something he could handle. It turned out to be too hurtful to stay. I hope that your situation could be the exception.
whichwayisup Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 He's good. We talked in circles. Ending as still friends. We message all day while are at work. I know our spouses would be angry. This would be our last strike. Should I just stop answering him? I don't understand him..he dumped me. Told me he wanted me gone. But now he wants me as his bff again. He is completely friendly. Nothing more. Unless he's drunk then he's goes back there a bit. Talks about being confused. Its like we are both attatched abnormally to eachother! Whats goinh on:( Did you two have a D-day? If so, it's time to respect your husband and marriage, stop fussing about this exMM and what he does or doesn't do. He is NOT your friend. You can't be 'friends' with someone you've just had an A with! Even if there is no intimacy anymore (sexual) it is still an emotional affair and each of you are getting your ego feeds and feeding the addiction by keeping in touch. Also, he is messing with you..Because he can! That push/pull thing is ALL about him and how he can selfishly manipulate you. Just stop the insanity and end it once and for all. 1
KentuckyGent Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 Sounds like the MM that I deal with. He has a relationship with me only on his terms. If he feels like flirting, then he will and I can. If he feels like being a good husband to his wife, I'm treated like he barely knows me/platonic conversations and weird neutral reactions when I say anything flirtatious. He regulates the entire thing and it is very frustrating because as soon as I accept one or the other, he flip flops. I have asked a trusted male friend about this and he thinks my MM is a manipulator and has no feelings for me other than to see how he can affect my life and emotions with his words/actions. I understand where you are coming from. It's very hurtful and frustrating to not know where you stand with someone He is a manipulator. They come in all shapes, sizes and SEXES.
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