reddragon588 Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 I hate how weak i am You're not weak. You're human! This isn't weakness. If you really feel that way though, prove your strength to yourself by holding strong tomorrow and not breaking NC.
Author Brown-Eyez Posted September 12, 2013 Author Posted September 12, 2013 What do you think? Let's run through the potential scenarios of what could happen if you contact him: 1). He's genuinely happy to hear from you and wants to work towards a reconciliation. 2). He's genuinely happy to hear from you, things are a little awkward and weird, and the best that happens is a casual friendship. You might occasionally catch up over email, but there's not much else there. 3). He's indifferent to hearing from you, humours you a little, but allows the conversation to die down. Starts ignoring emails, takes longer and longer to answer. He's over it, but doesn't want to be hurtful. 4). He is not happy to hear from you, and says so. He's a real bastard. Hurtful. 5). He ignores you completely. The email goes unanswered. How would you react to each and all of these? Be honest! I can't help you if you aren't honest! thank you for your time to think this through for me, i honestly truly appreciate it!! sadly, from how I know him it would be either option 2 or 3..oh sigh clearly not option 1 which is what i so much want only b/c he didn't reach out to me first, right? 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 thank you for your time to think this through for me, i honestly truly appreciate it!! sadly, from how I know him it would be either option 2 or 3..oh sigh clearly not option 1 which is what i so much want only b/c he didn't reach out to me first, right? Doesnt matter who reached out to who. I think you know the answers to those deep down. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 thank you for your time to think this through for me, i honestly truly appreciate it!! sadly, from how I know him it would be either option 2 or 3..oh sigh clearly not option 1 which is what i so much want only b/c he didn't reach out to me first, right? Yes, if he wanted to get back with you he would make the move at this point. 1
Author Brown-Eyez Posted September 12, 2013 Author Posted September 12, 2013 What do you think? Let's run through the potential scenarios of what could happen if you contact him: 1). He's genuinely happy to hear from you and wants to work towards a reconciliation. 2). He's genuinely happy to hear from you, things are a little awkward and weird, and the best that happens is a casual friendship. You might occasionally catch up over email, but there's not much else there. 3). He's indifferent to hearing from you, humours you a little, but allows the conversation to die down. Starts ignoring emails, takes longer and longer to answer. He's over it, but doesn't want to be hurtful. 4). He is not happy to hear from you, and says so. He's a real bastard. Hurtful. 5). He ignores you completely. The email goes unanswered. How would you react to each and all of these? Be honest! I can't help you if you aren't honest! tomorrow if I weaken again I'll just keep reading this as sad as it is cuz it is the sad reality of my situation (options 2-5 ) must not allow him to break me even more uggh
Author Brown-Eyez Posted September 12, 2013 Author Posted September 12, 2013 all I can say is I HATE LIFE!! but the peeps at LS are kool thank you again ever so much for your imput! 1
Author Brown-Eyez Posted September 12, 2013 Author Posted September 12, 2013 So, you have option 2 or option 3. Option 2 can be ok. I have this relationship with an ex. I was emailing him the other day asking about audio equipment and a guitar question. The conversation was initiated by him on another matter. We occasionally have an awkward moment but for the most part, it's pretty functional. Convos are probably initiated by him 60-65% of the time. But if you're in love with him, option 2 will not work. Option 3 sucks. It's putting yourself out there with a poor result. It will be the equivalent of punching a reset button on your emotions. How do you feel now? Still want to contact him? you are a very WISE person and I hope you find or have the love of your life! 2
Simon Phoenix Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 You have to get to the point where options 2-5 wouldn't make you sad or set you back and that option 1 would make you stop and think instead of jumping right back in right away. You aren't there yet. 3
Author Brown-Eyez Posted September 12, 2013 Author Posted September 12, 2013 You have to get to the point where options 2-5 wouldn't make you sad or set you back and that option 1 would make you stop and think instead of jumping right back in right away. You aren't there yet. no sh*t
Author Brown-Eyez Posted September 14, 2013 Author Posted September 14, 2013 Felt so weak again tonight missing him badly and wanted to reach out! but like I said before, i re read all the wise comments and sadly will not cause myself more heartache i just gotta say i miss him SO MUCH!! i am an idiot..and wish i could just be over him already! 1
Simon Phoenix Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 Felt so weak again tonight missing him badly and wanted to reach out! but like I said before, i re read all the wise comments and sadly will not cause myself more heartache i just gotta say i miss him SO MUCH!! i am an idiot..and wish i could just be over him already! Recovery takes time. Just do what you can and keep NC -- it will get better. 1
Author Brown-Eyez Posted September 14, 2013 Author Posted September 14, 2013 Posting here is better than emailing him. :-) so you say.. and what else do i have at this point? but thanks 1
Author Brown-Eyez Posted September 14, 2013 Author Posted September 14, 2013 Recovery takes time. Just do what you can and keep NC -- it will get better. ..maybe 1 day I can say, 'yeah you're right' IF and when that day comes be sure I will post it here! for now, its just misery and missing and yearning 1
Simon Phoenix Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 ..maybe 1 day I can say, 'yeah you're right' IF and when that day comes be sure I will post it here! for now, its just misery and missing and yearning In the meantime you have to be active. You can't just sit around moping -- that won't help you. Hang with friends, make new ones, work out, pick up a new hobby, start a project -- you have to be active in recovering. You'll figure it out though. 2
Author Brown-Eyez Posted September 14, 2013 Author Posted September 14, 2013 In the meantime you have to be active. You can't just sit around moping -- that won't help you. well then, its gonna be a really slooow time for me, cuz all i feel like is mopey I have 0 interest in doing anything (other than when I have to work)
Author Brown-Eyez Posted September 14, 2013 Author Posted September 14, 2013 https://www.open2study.com thank you for this web site link, it looks very interesting
Author Brown-Eyez Posted September 14, 2013 Author Posted September 14, 2013 This is where it's like exercise - even though it's warm and comfy in bed and very early in the morning, you've still got to get your arse up and go for that run, because you know afterwards, you'll feel really good. soon (i'm sure), I will get back into my work out routine (before I met him I was working out 5x a week..) its just that smoking cigs & drinking beers is so much more satisfying right now.. my working out (incl yoga) was JOYFUL and i have none of that energy right now but i keep reminding myself 'even storms run out of rain' i'm waiting for my storm to run its awful course..
reddragon588 Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 I'm right there with you. Have wanted to contact her all week so badly. Have held strong so far like you. I'm even working on a full day without looking at her social media (which is pointless anyway since I deleted her and can't see anything) if I make it through the rest of the day. We can both do it! I second the exercise. It is the biggest thing that has helped me get to where I am now. It will relieve your emotions far better than drinking does. I had gotten out of the exercise routine when I was dating her and now I'm back and it feels great and has really helped me when I'm at my lowest points. I know it's hard but get yourself in the gym or yoga studio and you'll feel so much better I promise!
Simon Phoenix Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 You'll do better to try and force yourself back into the routine. Yoga is fantastic. Try doing 1 yoga session this week. Make yourself do it. "Waiting" for it to pass might not yield the result you want, but forcing yourself almost certainly will get things moving in the right direction. Yep, it's another version of "Fake it until you make it".
BC1980 Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 You'll do better to try and force yourself back into the routine. Yoga is fantastic. Try doing 1 yoga session this week. Make yourself do it. "Waiting" for it to pass might not yield the result you want, but forcing yourself almost certainly will get things moving in the right direction. Yup, forcing yourself to move on, faking it, that's what you have to do. Come up with some new short term and long term goals. It's helped me a lot. I feel like I have options and a path out now. I felt at a crossroads for awhile, but I made some personal and career goals for myself that have put me back on track.
Author Brown-Eyez Posted September 14, 2013 Author Posted September 14, 2013 thank you for your support! I just made plans to go out of town next weekend to visit a friend I haven't seen in a really long time First time I'll be out of the house (except for work & the store) for many weeks I'm hoping the trip gives me perspective & gets me out of my sad rut I'll try to dress cute for the plane trip, maybe I'll meet someone? if nothing else gives me a break from my couch 3
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