Why did he disappear??

[Reina01]

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

 

I have been single for 2 years after being engaged and leaving my ex because he cheated. I've dated here and there but I'm super picky and haven't met someone that gives me the butterflies. I also had some trust issues due to my ex which I thought I worked trough.

 

Fast forward to a month ago. I meet this gorgeous sweet guy. He picks me up at the beach when I was far away from everyone trying to tan. Not sure how he even found me but he did. We spent hours talking on the beach while his friend waited behind on the main strip where the crowds were. I gave him my number and we went on a date the very next day. Our date lasted 12 hours and we made out for the better part of it. He went home at 4am and texted me all night an all day the following day. We started spending every day together after work and slept together kind of fast but everything felt right so I went with it. Even after we slept together nothing changed in fact things got even better. I noticed he was very sweet an cuddly and basically everything I wanted him to be.

 

So about a week in, he tells me he lied to me abou his age! Turns out he's 7 years younger than me but didn't want to tell me from the beginning because he knew I wouldn't give him a chance. This guy looks like a man not a 20 year old and he seemed so mature I was shocked. I was so upset that I told him we had to end things. I didn't want to end things but I couldn't come to terms with the age difference. We went to the beach like a last "goodbye" and he cried with genuine tears! I was so moved by his tears that I cried too.. We both said that we never felt like this before and then we both said goodbye.. He ended up texting me all night telling me he didn't want to end things but he also said that he knew he wasn't husband material yet. I stuck to my decision but within 24 hrs I wanted him back. I told him lets try this again and he was so happy.

 

So we decide to start dating and see where it goes. We start spending every day together again and texting each other constantly again.. But one night I text him around 8 and he doesn't get back to me until midnight. Another night the same thing happens. This time i freak on him and he gives me a logical excuse. Then another few days go by and he does it again! This time he takes an entire day to respond to my message. Even though 2 days before we were having sex at my place and cuddling all day watching movies.. Every time he does this I freak out and he gives me a good explanation. I have to admit at this point that I freaked out very time he did it but then I accepted his explanation. I kept feeling like why is this happening just a few weeks into the relationship? Why do I have this weird gut feeling every time he doesn't respond? Some other issues we are also having is he had "performance anxiety" and said that the age difference mad him nervous in bed because he wanted to please me. He also asked me one time if I think that all these weird things happening are signs we shouldn't be together and I told him he was being ridiculous. Then last Thursday he does the "not responding for hours" thing again and I totally snap this time because I had it. I'm not talking about a 1 hr delay here. In talking like 5,6,7 hours with no response .. And I have to text again freaking for him to respond and apologize..

 

So he tries to stop the fight by telling me he can't wait to kiss me but i wasnt having it and we left off on a bad note. He didn't contact me again and this Saturday I tried to be the bigger person and invite him over for a movie. He turned me down and said he couldn't see me this weekend at all! (Because he was busy) we got into an argument again and again ended on a bad note becaus my gut was acting up again.. What's worse is that he ends up texting me the following day at the exact time he previously told me he would have team practice (the reason he couldn't sleep over) I responded nicely and then he asked me if he was still aloud to text me (when we fought I told him I wanted my space) I said he could and then he asked me where I was and I told him and .. He never responded again! It's been 3 days!! The longest we've ever gone without talking and I don't even know what the heck to think anymore!

 

What's worse is I was so pissed off I deleted his number and now I can't even call him if I wanted to. So I guess I'm on here trying to figure out if I ruined everything over my trust issues so that I learn from this in the event he never calls me again.. Or if my feelings were jusitified.

 

I mean I don't even feel like we broke up properly if that's what he wanted .. I just said I need space because I was upset with all of his weird behaviour.. And if he's gonna go and text me the next day why disappear after?? I know we only dated a few weeks but we got really close really fast and lets not forget the crying episode.. Is this a way to break up with your gf? I am convinced there has to be another woman..

 

Please help.

[emva07]

sounds like too much drama too soon so he was out.

 

"Genuine" tears after a week? NO.

 

I think it's too soon to say that him being with other women is him cheating. You two were just "seeing where it was going". He could've been "seeing where it was going" with other women too. Him disappearing is your answer to where he saw it was going.

[Balzac]

You reek of insecure desperation. Probably don't realize it.

[Leigh 87]

Look I get it. When you have butterflies over a guy, it is rare that you find that in someone.

 

It is easy to get too carried away and see each other and text each other every day.

 

The thing is, you HAVE to keep things in perspective; it is so early on, and sometimes initial periods of infatuation mask the fact that you shouldn't be together.

 

Or, even if you guys did have what it took to fall truly in love, you could have pushed him away.

 

So I think I can guess what happened.

 

He realised that while he was really into you initially, he just didn't "feel it" with you, in a way that made him see long term potential. At first he had a good feeling about you, but it simply changed.

 

Some people just have a feeling about whether or not another person is right for them.

 

It is often the case that it can start with infatuation, only for one of the people to realise that something just doesn't feel right.

[ChatroomHero]

He sounds like the more mature one in the situation.

Since when did constant communication become a requirement? Sounds like you were smothering.

 

You say he had good reasons for not being able to reply to your text right away but you kept on freaking out over and over. After the first time someone did that I would wonder how they could not understand that sometimes I leave my phone out of reach and live life and actually do things without texting about it as I am doing them.

 

After the second time a person freaked out over not getting an immediate (within a day) response, I would run so far and fast from my new stalker they would never find me.

[kiss_andmakeup]

Whoa! Way too much too soon. Too much time together, too much contact, and definitely too much drama. He might not be old enough to know better, but surely you are...?

 

I think it's too soon to say that him being with other women is him cheating. You two were just "seeing where it was going". He could've been "seeing where it was going" with other women too. Him disappearing is your answer to where he saw it was going.

 

This. You were dating for a couple of weeks!!!! Nobody is cheating on anybody, and quite frankly, the notion that he "owed" you constant communication at this stage is ridiculous.

 

Count this as a lesson learned and move on.

[HappyLove]

So how long is this "relationship" what 2 or 3 weeks? You need to SLOW DOWN, he got everything he could possibly want from an older woman in like a week. This is why you take time to get to know someone especially before you sleep with him. Take the time to watch someone's ACTIONS not words and see what they're about, especially with men. First red flag was lying about his age. Men will tell you anything to get in bed with you. Just use this as a learning experience. Too much drama too soon.