How does a girl/guy handle the 'new meat' rush when moving cities?

[SubliminalSessions]

So, as of now I am concentrating on relocating by the end of this year to a new city, as the dating scene where I currently live is just awful. I haven't been asked out on a date in months, and everytime it seems something is going somewhere (which I usually have to initiate), it sinks before it can even leave the dock. The selection that is available is terribly meager and I feel like there's just no reason trying to 'work' this place.

 

Anyhow, I am getting good responses in San Diego...and I'm happy so far with what it seems, but at the same time I understand the whole 'new' concept. When I first moved to where I am now, I got a few dates during the first few months...but I think they were just looking for something new. Non of them went past a couple dates, and all were seen back on the prowl again.

 

I'm just trying to figure out if there is some way to weed out those types in the beginning. I mean, I hate to deny myself the fun and pleasure of casual flings or what not...but I need something steady. I want to avoid guys who have 'had the whole town' so to speak and looking for the next new thing.

[todreaminblue]

So, as of now I am concentrating on relocating by the end of this year to a new city, as the dating scene where I currently live is just awful. I haven't been asked out on a date in months, and everytime it seems something is going somewhere (which I usually have to initiate), it sinks before it can even leave the dock. The selection that is available is terribly meager and I feel like there's just no reason trying to 'work' this place.

 

Anyhow, I am getting good responses in San Diego...and I'm happy so far with what it seems, but at the same time I understand the whole 'new' concept. When I first moved to where I am now, I got a few dates during the first few months...but I think they were just looking for something new. Non of them went past a couple dates, and all were seen back on the prowl again.

 

I'm just trying to figure out if there is some way to weed out those types in the beginning. I mean, I hate to deny myself the fun and pleasure of casual flings or what not...but I need something steady. I want to avoid guys who have 'had the whole town' so to speak and looking for the next new thing.

 

 

first date take them to somewhere where there are many women all types............find seats where you have a clear view......and then talk about a topic you are passionate about and as you are talking animatedly about a passion of yours and a good looking woman or two or three walks past keep talking......see if he can remember the last thing you said.......if he loses total concentration on you and a passion you are sharing he isnt steady, he is going through the motions looking at others not interested in something that interests you..

 

 

ask him where he hangs out friday night ask him to take you to his favourite place on a date.....flashy place flashy crowd.....flashy date...not really serious

 

 

date one tell him your favourite place...date three see if he remembers where that place is....if he doesnt he wasnt listening to you on your first date, it is a pretty important fact where you love the most, well to me it is....if i liked aguy i woudl want to know his favourite place fave food fave drink.....all his favourites...its good to know.......... something memorable to you tell him that.,.....if he is a steady guy who has interest in getting to know you past the week,and the next best thing crowd he will know where that place is...there are never any guarantees to dating anyone you have to take the chance.........i wish you well..................deb

[SubliminalSessions]

.see if he can remember the last thing you said.......if he loses total concentration on you and a passion you are sharing he isnt steady, he is going through the motions looking at others not interested in something that interests you..

 

Thankyou...good suggestions, only problem I have to make sure I can remember just as well lol.

 

I mean, who knows. If it ends up happening, it would be shame for me to go and meet someone steady within 6 months. Not so much a shame for it happening, but because I know that's the average time it takes to meet someone serious in a city, and yet I'm here over 2 years and havent been able to make it happen.

 

But it's like what can i do? Avoid it and be stuck with the lack of options here, or just enjoy it and do things the right way.

[jcrew11]

Where do you live now, and what about your job?

 

I think moving to a new city is exciting, and its fun to explore and meet new people. You have high energy levels when you move to a new place for the first time.

 

I think your problem is that you aren't trying as hard to go out and meet new people in your current city. You have developed a boring routine, and haven't tried new things.

 

Perhaps try online dating to meet some more guys in your current city before packing up and moving.

[SubliminalSessions]

Where do you live now, and what about your job?

 

I think moving to a new city is exciting, and its fun to explore and meet new people. You have high energy levels when you move to a new place for the first time.

 

I think your problem is that you aren't trying as hard to go out and meet new people in your current city. You have developed a boring routine, and haven't tried new things.

 

Perhaps try online dating to meet some more guys in your current city before packing up and moving.

 

Is it exciting, and it does give a chance to refresh the available options.

 

I have tried everything under the sun to meet new guys here. Going out 2-3 times a week, meetup.com events, every online dating site and app, talking to guys at the gym, approaching guys, not approaching guys, etc. Done it all here and nothing pans out.

 

The problem is not so much that I am not meeting guys, but Colorado is a state where many of the decent and attractive looking people here, they want a White person, and then next Hispanic. Even all my Black friends who are in relationships are with White men. They're so sheltered in their views of what would make the idea partner. That's something I can't keep running up against. Alot of people here are oblivious to the idea of having a non-White or Hispanic partner...I say that because alot of the ones I meet (interracially) always find a way to talk about it.

 

My most recent encounter was a guy who told me he'd never been with a Black person before. Fair enough. This guy was Latino. I thought all was going well, until 2 weeks after meeting him I see him all over someone White. After that, I was like I'm done with this place.

[SubliminalSessions]

Another thing that drives me up the wall here is I always get the same old people messaging me on sites that I been ignoring for the past 2 years! And then to add injury to insult, I would say 90% of the responses I do get are from guys who I have 0 attraction to.

 

There's an app that shows stats for response rates. I've checked to see what other people's response rates were, somewhere around 35-50%. Mine is more like 19%. I don't get enough responses, and the ones I do get I'm like seriously?

[SubliminalSessions]

wow, 24 hours and no one can comment on the #5 post. Too scared to say anything, just close eyes and ears as if it was never mentioned. Yep, go ahead. That's what people do best I guess.

[mesmerized]

What kind of comment are you looking for? Yes it's true. White men and women are wanted the most, you can't change that. And men always going for the next best thing is nothing new. Accept it, learn the signs and avoid the men who show those signs early on.

[holly25]

I'm relocating back to California as well. Dating in my city is horrible. If this new rush you speak of exists and really happens, why is that a negative thing? Maybe you feel that rush because you really are in a better location. When I moved to the city I live in now, I felt a rush because I was starting over...but I did not feel a rush when it came to the men.

[Mascara]

I don't think people are "too scared" to comment. I think, like me, a lot of people are just bewildered by this whole thread. It seems to be making up a problem for the sake of a problem.

[StanMusial]

I don't think people are "too scared" to comment. I think, like me, a lot of people are just bewildered by this whole thread. It seems to be making up a problem for the sake of a problem.

 

I don't think it's making up a problem, I think it's misstating the problem. Like so many other threads on here. Personally I think relocating just to try to land a date is bizarre, unless you live on a deserted island or something. And if you did you would have bigger problems.

[jcrew11]

Well, you problem seems to be that you want to date interracially in a state where other singles don't. Then I would suggest you move to a more liberal state that agrees with your views.

 

Interracial dating is difficult because it comes down to personality, shared religion, and shared interests; instead of attraction if no one is physically attracted to your race or culture.

 

If you want to date hispanic men, then you might want to convert to Catholicism, since many hispanic people take Catholicism seriously, and would give you more of a chance if you attend the same church.

[Mrlonelyone]

Well, you problem seems to be that you want to date interracially in a state where other singles don't. Then I would suggest you move to a more liberal state that agrees with your views.

 

Interracial dating is difficult because it comes down to personality, shared religion, and shared interests; instead of attraction if no one is physically attracted to your race or culture.

 

If you want to date hispanic men, then you might want to convert to Catholicism, since many hispanic people take Catholicism seriously, and would give you more of a chance if you attend the same church.

 

 

This OP

 

 

The truth of the matter is that if you look to date interracially you need to find someone else who is open to that. Deep down people have a problem with that in the USA. Especially if one of the people is black.

 

 

They think black males are all HUGE and will split them in half (which is odd since no *enis is larger than a baby).

 

 

They think that black women are sexually aggressive and built for a black mans huge *ick.

 

 

If you don't believe the second point is a problem consider this.

 

 

Will white guys date a girl who previously dated a black guy? - Yahoo! Answers

 

 

There are white men who won't date a white woman if they know she has been with a black man in the past. Isn't that just absurd.

[SubliminalSessions]

This OP

The truth of the matter is that if you look to date interracially you need to find someone else who is open to that. Deep down people have a problem with that in the USA. Especially if one of the people is black.

 

lol, your post had me cracking up. However, the question posed...is a non-issue for the most part. I knew personally 2 White women at my college (sisters) who only dated Blacks themselves, and from our conversations...no White guys would have to even 'think' about whether they would want to sleep with them. They were pretty content in their decisions.

 

But for me, it's a little different but not much. I'm not dating women. Whoever I date should also have a penis as well.

 

I don't think people are "too scared" to comment. I think, like me, a lot of people are just bewildered by this whole thread. It seems to be making up a problem for the sake of a problem.

 

The nucleus of the problem was the fact that I don't want to go to a new city, floating on air. I appreciate the influx of responses, but I don't want to end up a year later in the same position: single and frustrated, after having met with 20 guys who all swooned on me because I was 'the new guy in town'.

 

So the question was, how to accept that 'rush' and make sure it turns into something worthwhile, not just a bunch of casual flings and bullcrap that doesn't go anywhere.

[SubliminalSessions]

Personally I think relocating just to try to land a date is bizarre.

 

That's because you haven't been able to fathom just how bad it really is. You don't believe that places in America can really be so unequal toward people who are different from the majority. Weekend after weekend after weekend, I have no one to go to the movies with. I barely ever get asked to go to dinner, or to see a show or to do anything on a date with guys my own age, who even live in my area of town. When I take the initiative to ask people out, or make the first move...I get blowed off, for 1 reason. And I'll let you ponder that.

 

When it's this bad, there's 2 options: kill yourself or move. I'm too young to die.

 

If you want to date hispanic men, then you might want to convert to Catholicism, since many hispanic people take Catholicism seriously, and would give you more of a chance if you attend the same church.

 

I've dated Latin men since I was 15 years old, never once was that a suggestion by any of them whatsoever...it's only changed when I moved to Mexico. That is...anywhere outside of Florida and the northeast. Because Lord knows most of the Hispanic population in the US is Mexican ESPECIALLY Texas and points west.

[Kofybean]

What kind of comment are you looking for? Yes it's true. White men and women are wanted the most, you can't change that. And men always going for the next best thing is nothing new. Accept it, learn the signs and avoid the men who show those signs early on.

 

That is ridiculous... you can't fake that kind of arrogance. White women are my least favorite, I rarely find any of them attractive, and the ones that are attractive I feel are struggling to be so. To think that all men's taste mirror Dude magazines and coke'd up Hollywood is outrageous.

Edited September 16, 2013 by Kofybean

[jcrew11]

I've dated Latin men since I was 15 years old, never once was that a suggestion by any of them whatsoever...it's only changed when I moved to Mexico. That is...anywhere outside of Florida and the northeast. Because Lord knows most of the Hispanic population in the US is Mexican ESPECIALLY Texas and points west.

 

Your questions is weird, are you just asking "how to keep a LTR or get married?"

 

It doesn't make a difference if you move or don't move. It sounds like you don't have the maturity to get married, because you want the excitement that comes with moving around, and meeting new people.

 

Getting married and finding someone who wants to marry you is really all about Personality. Are you "wife material and marriage material?" and do you have the personality "to be a good wife" to someone?

 

Of course, you may just be meeting guys who don't want to get married or specifically don't want to marry someone from your race (but doesn't mind having flings). Guys don't mind having flings with random strangers, but they want the "perfect wife they can bring home for mom's approval."

 

I mentioned Catholicism because if you want to impress a Hispanic guy's family and his mother, she will like you a lot more if you attend Church with her. If you have the Mom's seal of approval, she can then encourage her Son to marry you. Religious people also take marriage more seriously.

 

Other than that, find someone who shares your hobbies and can grow old with you. If you are a hardcore liberal, it is good to meet other liberal activists who are open-minded and volunteer for political campaigns.

[SubliminalSessions]

Your questions is weird, are you just asking "how to keep a LTR or get married?"

 

It doesn't make a difference if you move or don't move. It sounds like you don't have the maturity to get married, because you want the excitement that comes with moving around, and meeting new people.

 

Getting married and finding someone who wants to marry you is really all about Personality. Are you "wife material and marriage material?" and do you have the personality "to be a good wife" to someone?

 

Of course, you may just be meeting guys who don't want to get married or specifically don't want to marry someone from your race (but doesn't mind having flings). Guys don't mind having flings with random strangers, but they want the "perfect wife they can bring home for mom's approval."

 

I mentioned Catholicism because if you want to impress a Hispanic guy's family and his mother, she will like you a lot more if you attend Church with her. If you have the Mom's seal of approval, she can then encourage her Son to marry you. Religious people also take marriage more seriously.

 

Other than that, find someone who shares your hobbies and can grow old with you. If you are a hardcore liberal, it is good to meet other liberal activists who are open-minded and volunteer for political campaigns.

 

OK, let's just be clear on a couple of things. For one, my "moving around alot" has nothing to do with wanting the excitement of meeting people new. It has to do with the fact that not only am I not meeting someone for something serious, but the fact that I am not content with the type of guys in this area who are available. On an average day/week of going out and getting email responses, there's very few that I even have an attraction to. I am well aware of the potential of type of guys I CAN attract and HAVE attracted PRIOR TO MOVING HERE...so being here is selling myself short and settling. Because that's all I been doing in the past 2 years being here.

 

Next, I'm not looking for marriage right away. I'm not straight, I'm gay. Marriage is not something many gays talk about or even have remote intentions to do, despite everything you hear in the news. Tell a guy you want to get married, guarantee you'll stop hearing from them in due time. So that...is irrelevent.

 

Lastly...I don't need mom's seal of approval to DATE someone. Just like I don't need my mom's seal of approval to date someone. And I'll tell you why because I dated Latino men in the past who didn't hinge our existence of how the mom felt (many 'deal' their son's sexuality, but don't fully 'accept' it).

 

I'm not going to be one of those people who convert to Islam just because their husband chooses to be. And it's really not even necessary because I've never dated anyone who has suggested I go to church with them and become Catholic. You're trying to brainwash me with some bull****, and I know better.