DmxDex Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 (edited) So I was with my ex gf for 5 years, the last 3 turbulent and very difficult. She wasnt the same after a miscarriage after 4 months. She just wanted to get pregnant again straight away. She had depression and was grieving But didnt deal with it correctly. She pressures me to get her pregnant again and I promised I would the following feb, even though I wasnt ready and was afraid to lose her, and she would of if I didnt. So she gets pregnant and becomes distant after 2 or 3 months. I have adhd at the time indiagnosed and the way she was, was causing stress. We wasnt communicating and she was keeping me at arms lenth from her parents who where buying alot of stuff for us. I was on welfare and had money to give but their wasnt alot of communication. Things wasnt the same this time around. First time she got pregnant things where happier. I dont know why but I became distant witj my ex. Going to the gym and being distant. I just didnt know how to deal with the situation and was scared of being a dad. She gets a flat at 6 months but she dont want me their until I have a job I had 2 jobs in the 9 months but both where very temp. Up to pregnancy she has intimate issues with me. Not connecting. I was by her side through pregnancy. 1 month after my daughter was born she dumps me. I had to come to flat to see our daughter. But I was so upset by what happened and my ex being very nasty to me angry talki g to me like crap. I jus wanted to have my daughter at my place for few hours a week. But she cried alot and made me feel guilty. I tried getting back together and we did 3 months later, however she didnt really seem interested saying just see how it goes. I tried moving in but communication was difficult and didnt go anywhere. I was very depressed and anxious. On lots different meds which where messing me up. I was angry at my ex and very upset for how much she hurt me. Bonding with my daughter was hard due to stress. My ex went bk to work and I went round 3 a week for last 3 years sleeping sometime. Not ideal. Thing that confuses me is. My ex said when she dumped me her feelings changed that month. So why was she saying she was confused for laat few years and had low self esteem? She was also blowing hot and cold. Wanting hugs and sex sometimes. And the distant and cold. It confused me and made me annoyed. So when she was being nice I was nasty. month she broke up which was march, we had a argument and I said im off, I didnt mean it I was upset. And she cried and we we ontp bed and she hugged me tight saying lets do therapy and that she must love me if she is upset. and she showed emotion I havent felt in a long time from her. She kissed my neck and felt very loving. I felt a connection again. I was on seroquel horrible med ir made me nasty and rage. I shouted at her bad in public and my daughter. Totally regretted it and said sorry and forgive me. I stopped few nights later and she was close to me hugging. But week later she was angry and said she couldnt cry anymore and didnt care. And ended the the relationship. She tried meeting new people straight away on a dating website and knew it pissed me off and seemed sorry. She said she was happy its over and knew I was hurting and was acting cold. I was having my daughter now and dropping her off at my exs and was talking to her for hour. in the end i found it hard and arranged to pick evie up from her dads, I still do that. I texted her trying to get back together but she said she fell our of love and dont love me anymore. It was hard but I got on with things. I texted her every other day to talk about evie. But all I got was shes fine. She was being very cold and immature in regards to evie. she texted and was nice when she needed me to watch evie over night due to work. She texted me when her dad was poorly. It suprised me she spoke to me bout her being worried. so about 7 weeks ago I find out she has a new bf. I found out from a friend who seen her with her bf and my daughter in town twice in a few days. She lied saying they met in town by chance. But she was seen twice in a few days. I texted her if its true and she said she has a bf and its getting serious. I dont know when they met. He was in the same year as her in school. Bit of ladies man apprently. so I said nicely I dont want to talj to her and will go through her dad, she just said fine whatever. I havent tried contacting her since. That was 7 weeks ago. I puck evie up from her my exs parents house. I have evie 4 days a week. I spend money on her for food. And alot of other stuff. my ex was sexually active young. she slept with a married man at 14. She also had had alot of feelings for a guy who married his gf over my ex who he was cheating with. He died in a crash I got with my ex when she was 17 and I was 23. she had no emtional love from her mum and dad as a child. Her dad was a physical presence. And they are close. She cant be alone and has always had bfs or casual sex. She fell for me as I wanted to get to know her and not just sex. She fell in love with me. what confuses me why blow hot and cold and say your confused if you have no feelings? Also on xmas day she tells me she loves me. When we split up I asked her why she said that and she just said sorry. Love to hear from you guys and gals. I was doing ok for 3 weeks but anger and tears are back I see a counselor next week. my ex just blamed me for everything. She said she loved me when she dumped mecwhen evie was born and did it to hurt me. But said her feelings never went back. Not sure why she was angry. Me being distant. She said I never tried moving in. She said defended me alot. I know some of her friends told het I wasnt worth it and end it. Things is my ex never mentioned I had mental health issues and failed to mention her own emotional issues and not dealing with her miscarriage well. She blamed me and not taken any responsibility. Edited September 12, 2013 by DmxDex
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