Making A Rape Claim...

[cottom]

I recently come back from a holiday with my gf of 4 months. It was here she told me of an incident a few months before we met. (she is 19)

 

She went to meet a friend for a drink and bumped into another guy she hadn't seen in a few years with his friends, she had one drink in a pub and then moved onto the next pub where she had one more. After that she cannot remember a thing, she woke up asleep in an alleyway about 8 hours later.

 

She said she went home and told her mom and dad she can't remember a thing after 2 drinks and woke up in an alleyway so they checked her legs for bruises/ a struggle but didn't find any so left it.

 

Recently however pictures have started being passed around of her performing sexual activities on somebody that night, we don't know who though because we have just heard of and not seen these pictures.

 

I do not know whether to believe her as she had a one night stand around the same time with another old friend which she said she was to drunk to know anything going on and woke up in his bed and ran out crying.

Her parents are both police also so i feel they could have done more of a follow up than check her for bruises.

 

I told her now there is photographic evidence of sexual intercourse, she needs to get hold of it and report it. She should at least tell her parents but she said she doesn't want to tell them its embarrassing.

 

What can i do? I feel my gf is a common slag whore the fact she is happy to get drugged and get really drunk and have non consensual sex without caring about it.

[runningfar]

I feel my gf is a common slag whore the fact she is happy to get drugged and get really drunk and have non consensual sex without caring about it.

 

 

 

If she was victimized, a victim doesn't always react in the same way. It doesn't mean she doesn't care or wasn't impacted.

 

I was drugged and raped when I was a teenager. It's still hard to think about over a decade later.

 

In the case of drugged, especially if she has no proof she was drugged when she was drinking alcohol - even if it is very likely based on the amount she drank- there's a lot of blaming yourself. There's a lot of fear that no one will believe you. There's a lot of not wanting to be a "victim" so trying to move on with your life. There's denial. There's so much that could be going on here...

 

If she was forced into sex when she was unable to consent, the last thing she needs you even thinking terms like "slag" or "whore"

 

Actually, I can't think of a single appropriate time to think those things about a woman, but that's neither here nor there. Well, except to say that while I can't know what happened, you should stop that.

Edited September 12, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Dallers]

Happened more than once? Not being able to remember what she doing more than once? This would not hold up at all if she made a rape claim because it is obvious she is putting herself in the hands of others and drinking to the point that she is unaware of her actions.

 

When someone is raped they would never put themselves back in a situation that anything like that could ever happen again. Drugs, Drink and having sex all over the place and crying wolf?! Think you should wake up and get away from her sharpish or you could end up in the old bailey yourself.

[cottom]

I use them words to describe her because it is not what i'm used to in girls. I have always gone for traditional girls that never slept with guys or slept with 1 guy before me in long term relationships. This one has slept with a load on one night stands and leaving a bf to sleep with other guys (so she didn't have to cheat) at the age of 16.

 

But when she still talks to the guy she claims did it and remained friends with him then it is concerning.

[Dallers]

I use them words to describe her because it is not what i'm used to in girls. I have always gone for traditional girls that never slept with guys or slept with 1 guy before me in long term relationships. This one has slept with a load on one night stands and leaving a bf to sleep with other guys (so she didn't have to cheat) at the age of 16.

 

But when she still talks to the guy she claims did it and remained friends with him then it is concerning.

 

Wake up, just read what you just wrote. What more proof do you need?! It is pretty obvious what she is doing and you are stupid to be falling for it.

[pteromom]

When someone is raped they would never put themselves back in a situation that anything like that could ever happen again.

 

Boy, is this line a bunch of bs.

 

As noted above, everyone reacts differently to being raped.

 

For some women, proving they are in control of their sexuality is part of it, so yes, they may show "slag whore" behavior while they are working it out in their head.

 

It is possible she was really raped, no matter what her usual behaviors are.

 

It is also possible she is embarrassed about the photos and has constructed this whole story so you don't think she is a whore.

 

You have to use the rest of what you know about her to figure it out. Is she a generally ethical and trustworthy person? Do you ever see her lying to or manipulating others (friends, family, teachers, etc)?

[Dallers]

Boy, is this line a bunch of bs.

 

As noted above, everyone reacts differently to being raped.

 

For some women, proving they are in control of their sexuality is part of it, so yes, they may show "slag whore" behavior while they are working it out in their head.

 

It is possible she was really raped, no matter what her usual behaviors are.

 

It is also possible she is embarrassed about the photos and has constructed this whole story so you don't think she is a whore.

 

You have to use the rest of what you know about her to figure it out. Is she a generally ethical and trustworthy person? Do you ever see her lying to or manipulating others (friends, family, teachers, etc)?

 

LOL Are you seriously that clueless did you not read what he wrote?! She left her BF to go screw someone else and sleeps with people left right and centre without a care in the world this really sounds like someone who is being raped. Please.

 

"This one has slept with a load on one night stands and leaving a bf to sleep with other guys"

 

It is people like you that get innocent people locked up.

Edited September 11, 2013 by Dallers

[pteromom]

LOL Are you seriously that clueless did you not read what he wrote?! She left her BF to go screw someone else and sleeps with people left right and centre without a care in the world this really sounds like someone who is being raped. Please.

 

Apparently I am.

 

I am also a woman who was raped and responded to that by going through a period of proving to men that I could use them just as well as I was used. And I worked through that to become a very nice and moral person.

 

So... yeah...

 

You don't know why she left her BF. Maybe he was a Class A douchebag.

[Dallers]

Would love to have this thread looked at by a jury. Easiest verdict ever.

[nescafe1982]

If she was raped she should get herself to counseling, first off. A rape is an incredibly difficult thing to process, and she's probably got some issues around men, sex, consent, and shame. Which incidentally you're not helping by name-calling, questioning and judging her. Cut that out.

 

She could, if she wishes, report to the police. No bets on whether or not they can prosecute without physical evidence, but if there are photos of the crime they may be able to make a case. This guy may have hurt other women, as well. Any case the police can build (even if this one is more circumstantial) is better than nothing. Rapists tend to rape more than once. And they don't stop until they get caught.

 

Finally, she needs supportive men in her world right now. If you cannot be that man, get the F out of her life. You should be ashamed of yourself for talking about her the way you are. Just push her in the direction of a good rape crisis counselor and leave her alone, that is, unless you can reform your attitude.

[StanMusial]

Happened more than once? Not being able to remember what she doing more than once? This would not hold up at all if she made a rape claim because it is obvious she is putting herself in the hands of others and drinking to the point that she is unaware of her actions.

 

When someone is raped they would never put themselves back in a situation that anything like that could ever happen again. Drugs, Drink and having sex all over the place and crying wolf?! Think you should wake up and get away from her sharpish or you could end up in the old bailey yourself.

 

Yes, they do.

 

I know a girl that was gang-raped and had to go to the hospital.

 

Less than a month later I saw her as drunk as could be, getting into a car with four or five guys she barely knew.

[veggirl]

I mean is she laying there passed out in the pics or is she actively participating, like on her knees giving a BJ? The former would match her story but the latter would not, I mean you don't get so drugged you can't recall a THING yet have the wits about you to perform those acts.

 

and tbh her past sounds VERY concerning, I'd run a mile from her. Her past is not so much a past as it is so recent. She sounds very troubled/damaged. She will fk you up.

[veggirl]

Boy, is this line a bunch of bs.

 

As noted above, everyone reacts differently to being raped.

 

For some women, proving they are in control of their sexuality is part of it, so yes, they may show "slag whore" behavior while they are working it out in their head.

 

It is possible she was really raped, no matter what her usual behaviors are.

 

It is also possible she is embarrassed about the photos and has constructed this whole story so you don't think she is a whore.

 

You have to use the rest of what you know about her to figure it out. Is she a generally ethical and trustworthy person? Do you ever see her lying to or manipulating others (friends, family, teachers, etc)?

 

Sounds like her sleeping around and leaving the BF to have sex with others was before the alleged rape, though.

 

I'd just think a pair of cop parents would know to take their daughter to the hospital for a rape kit if she came home crying rape.

 

Suppose she/they could be an exception though....

[CrystalCastles]

This would not hold up at all if she made a rape claim because it is obvious she is putting herself in the hands of others and drinking to the point that she is unaware of her actions.

 

...um, she had two drinks. You make it sound like she drained a keg of beer singlehandedly...

Edited September 12, 2013 by CrystalCastles
wording

[BeholdtheMan]

Recently however pictures have started being passed around of her performing sexual activities on somebody that night, we don't know who though because we have just heard of and not seen these pictures

If she were drugged, wouldn't someone be performing sex acts on her, not the other way around? Doesn't drugged usually mean passed out?

[Mascara]

Would love to have this thread looked at by a jury. Easiest verdict ever.

 

Well sunshine, you're in the same country as me and there was a very similar case recently here. Verdict - guilty.

 

Because guess what? Just because a woman consents to sex with lots of men does not mean she consents with every man.

 

I know - women having the right to choose how many or how few people they have sex with. Shocking.

 

This would not hold up at all if she made a rape claim because it is obvious she is putting herself in the hands of others and drinking to the point that she is unaware of her actions

 

Clearly you are unaware of UK law. If someone is so incapacitated that they are unable to consent, then that my friend, according to the law of this land, is rape. Regardless - and I really can't stress this point enough - of how many men she has previously slept with.

 

The moral of this story is - do not have sex with drunk girls. Drunk or drugged girls WHO CANNOT CONSENT TO SEX MEANS YOU WILL BE CONVICTED OF RAPE.

[carhill]

OP, does this prior thread on a similar topic have any relevance?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/cheating-flirting-jealousy/400551-some-guy-forced-himself-onto-my-gf

 

What can you do? Exit this relationship. Even absent this one event, it appears to be counter-productive and unhealthy.

[ChessPieceFace]

Women very frequently lie about their sexual encounters. Her story sounds like absolute BS. If her parents are law enforcement and she was drugged and woke up in an alley, they'd have gone ballistic.