LilGirlandOW Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 I know we all have various contact with our AP's Me and my MM have pretty open contact, but there have been times where he says he gonna text/call at so-and-so time and just doesnt, this has happened a handful of times over the past year & for various reasons. I try to not be too overbearing and dont text/call when he forgets to to ask why he forgot, but my mind races..... and i hate those times. I wonder if he's ok, if we are in the midst of a dday, if something happened to his ailing parents, if he just up and decided to work on his marraige. I want to tell him this is how i feel when it happens but also dont wanna come across as a psycho. Do you ever feel like this? How do you get through the worry? Would you/Have you mentioned it to your (M)AP? (What was the outcome?)
bentleychic Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 Yes, I do. He's on southern time and it's not the same as mine. LOL So a few minutes may be a lot longer or a calling at a specific time frame may be a hour later. Get through the worry? I'll text or message on fb and ask if he's been delayed. Sometimes I call (not when he's home unless she's not). Of course, I mention it. The response just depends on what has delayed him, how long and how upset I am by that point. LOL He's getting much better about it, thankfully.
yellowmaverick Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 but also dont wanna come across as a psycho. Right... based on your history together as you have described it, pretty sure that you asking about phone calls/texts would not be that crazy to him. Seems pretty mild compared to some of the other stuff that you have described.
WrinkledForehead Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 There've been two times I've been very worried about him. He usually always lets me know what he is up to, where he's going, that he's home safe after being out, etc. The two times he worried me I slightly scolded him for not contacting me. It's really not an issue. When he says he'll text or call, he does.
Got it Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 I know we all have various contact with our AP's Me and my MM have pretty open contact, but there have been times where he says he gonna text/call at so-and-so time and just doesnt, this has happened a handful of times over the past year & for various reasons. I try to not be too overbearing and dont text/call when he forgets to to ask why he forgot, but my mind races..... and i hate those times. I wonder if he's ok, if we are in the midst of a dday, if something happened to his ailing parents, if he just up and decided to work on his marraige. I want to tell him this is how i feel when it happens but also dont wanna come across as a psycho. Do you ever feel like this? How do you get through the worry? Would you/Have you mentioned it to your (M)AP? (What was the outcome?) Yes there were a few times I would worry about a dday though no I never thought he just feel off the face of the earth but it hardly went longer than a few hours. What I said to myself was whatever will be will be. So trying to borrow trouble was only going to cause a lot of stress and needless anxiety. So I wouldn't worry until I had something to worry about. Yes we would talk about it. As anticipating issues is a general mode of conduct for me, i.e. waiting for the other shoe to drop, it has come up in many forms. I have learned to relax and know that I can't head of issues.
Daisy2013 Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 Not worry because he didn't call, he nearly always did when he said he would, if it was planned. But I get anxiety wondering if he will call. The usual was he would call me about 2x per week on our ways to work and each day I would be filled with anxiety wondering if that would be the day and when the usual time passed, let out my breath when I knew he wouldn't. Now that we are in friend zone, 1x per week seems about it. When I ask if he is going to call again "this week," he says "maybe," but hasn't yet. That hurt me so 2 weeks ago, I went NC and didn't answer, so he didn't call back for 1 1/2 weeks.
Red Wolverine Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 xMM was consistent with contact. We did have a conversation a couple of times when I described what it was like to be me .....waiting on him, living around his availability, not being able to find out if he was ok if I didn't hear from him due to a medical issue or dday, etc. I reminded him that he would hate being in my shoes because he could contact me whenever he wanted. He had two people he could call if he didn't hear from me. He would never be in the dark like I would be. I asked him how he'd like being in my shoes. He conceded he wouldn't be able to tolerate it. I reminded him I didn't intend to for much longer. Being out of that is like being paroled from prison. 2
randomwoman Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 I don't think I worry but I do start to get angry because I assume he's ignoring me no matter what is going on. In this EA, I find that I've become an uncaring and controlling bitch. Typically, if it has been a few hours, I will say something to him (what were you doing?, I guess you think you're busy.. etc) It has gotten to the point now that he will tell me where he's going if he thinks it will take a while for him to respond. He will apologize if he unexpectedly 'falls asleep'. I feel bad for how this all has progressed. In my home life, I'm very laid back and do not have this arrangement with my own husband. The stress of the situation causes me to act irrationally about 98% of the time. I don't feel like myself anymore. 1
Author LilGirlandOW Posted September 12, 2013 Author Posted September 12, 2013 My MM falls asleep on me texting all the time, lol, its usually late as we generally text till we say goodnight, and I always get a "sorry" text the next morning. To Weski- I'm a worrier and over-confirmer, those are my worst traits, not gonna lie. I'm worried about alot of things, I mention alot of my worries in my OP.
bentleychic Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 are you worried they are hurt or injured or are you worried they were discovered or are you worried they are no longer interested in you? I mostly worry that he's hurt or injured or that his mom/dad/grandma/kids are. His mom, dad and grandma are not much longer for this world so that always worries me if he drops off for a matter of hours w/ absolutely no contact. (And that has happened before where one of his parents had an emergency and also he himself has had one, too.)
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