AutumnMoon Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 What happened to jolt you into reality. Where you realized the other person wasnt who you built them up in your head to be? I realized recently my worst fear came true.. Sex meant more than the friendship. It's how I lost friends when I was a teenager, I for some reason thought this would be different.
maidai Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 (edited) The second he chose to head back to his wife after 3 years leaving me with no explanation. The second I saw a missed call from him rung it back to have her answer and ask me to not contact him again. That is the second I realised after a 18mnth out in the open relationship where his wife did not care two hoots I became 2nd best and was more woman than the spineless no balled little wimp deserved. He could not even talk to me himself had to get wifey to do it and that did it for me! She broke him literally when they were together, he had to be rescued from his house by friends in the end. It could have been ANY woman at that point answering the phone right down to someone he picked up in a bar as I had no idea BUT from the amount of nastiness and venom in her voice I knew it was her. Her voiced matched everything I had been told the last 18mnths by him and his family. That very split second I laughed down the phone. I put the phone down. I never contacted him again and thought nice one mate good luck with that rather you than me! From that second on I have not looked back. I do not think I have ever heard a down right nastier voice in my 40 years on earth. I almost feel for him! Only almost Edited September 11, 2013 by maidai 3
Author AutumnMoon Posted September 11, 2013 Author Posted September 11, 2013 This is the same guy who strategically planned for you two to have sex in the marital bed and other places around his house as a way for kicks right? What you said earlier: Now honestly... HONESTLY! What did you expect from that kind of degenerate? The love of your life who loves you for you? He crossed all sorts of boundaries, sleeping with his friend's wife, sleeping with you in his wife's bed... if you were outside of this situation I think you would be able to look at this with more clarity. I am sorry for your hurt, but this is one of those "Did you really expect much more" moments. Yes! I expected more. Not a lot more but more. He put in THREE years of emotion into me. 3 years convincing me we were special to each other. I do not let people in easily and had never considered an affair. He made me believe we we were perfect for each other and I have to take some blame, I believed it and went right along. I still can't believe it could all be fake but I'm very very confused by his actions the last couple weeks. The hot and cold behaviour is wearing very thin. He's going through a lot but so am I. I just want him to be a friend not a husband or lover right now, just be a freaking man.
Author AutumnMoon Posted September 11, 2013 Author Posted September 11, 2013 His pattern is coming on very very strong, then pulling back so much that I accept he must be done and its over.. And right when I think that, he comes back strong again and I let myself get sucked right back in.
ConcreteHeart Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 I finally came out of the fog when one night I texted him and had a fun flirty conversation, laughed and bantered back and forth. It was fun. Then a few hours later I texted him again something similarly fun and flirty and he thought I was someone else....:mad: So I pretended to go along... Then the next day I told him that it was me that he was talking to and all he could say was oops! Fog lifted, rose glasses shattered...but still took me another two weeks to kick him to the curb. Again he made me feel that I was the one with the problem. Now? Not my problem. 2
Daisy2013 Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 When he dumped me again end of July. I was like, here we go again. He dumps, we just talk for a couple of weeks, then resume. Repeat every few months. For 2 freaking years. It seems like every time we got closer, he'd dump. This time, the way he did it opened my eyes. I'm out of the fog, and it hasn't picked back up again past the talking part, now I wish I could stop loving him. Based on another post, I'm a love addict and he is an avoider. Why we put up with this, I will never figure out! If I were with a single man and single myself, I sure wouldn't. What is it about these MMs that dig so deep within our hearts....
ladydesigner Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 I came out of the fog about a year after going NC with xAP. I had always known it was never supposed to go anywhere and the AP that I had picked was not someone I would normally be attracted to. He was not as good looking as my WH. We were not at ease the way my WH and I had always been, the A felt forced. The A always had an aspect of uncomfortability for me, it was never easy nor carefree. I only fed off of the validation my xAP was giving me. I realized I was out of the fog when I realized how wrong my actions were.
randomwoman Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 The fog lasted a while in my situation. I believe his only lasted for about 2-3 months. During the fog, we were doing all sorts of stupid and very risky things such as meeting outside his jobsite and PDA in public areas. Also, he would call my work phone. We have an EA and it only went PA one time and it was only a makeout session. The issue with us was that we both were gun shy as far as physically making moves on each other. Prior to the kiss, we actually arranged it a week before and we just never got to the physical point at that time. Just inexperienced I guess. We did the slow fizzle.You have to act during the fog or your start thinking too much. I knew Our fog was over when we stopped trading sexty photos. I just wasn't high enough on the affair to put myself in that risky situation anymore.
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