RiceaRoni Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 Well this guy and I have been talking for about 4 months already and he had considered me his girlfriend and everything, and I was happy about that Yet, he's given up on me about 5 times..letting me go saying he cant do it anymore everytime a disagreement happens between us, and early this morning was the 6th time and I think the last. He just wants to be friends with me now, and its so difficult...I fell in love with him and he dropped me like this...and it's sad because it hasn't been the first time..I hate when he pulls the friend card on me because then he's all okay with it and I feel like its his excuse for him to be able and go sleep with his many friends that are girls, and I guess when he doesnt get any offers of sex he comes back towards me telling me he wants a relationship and that he'd give me another chance. I hate it. I hate trying so hard for him and trying to understand him and fix things when we have an argument, but his solution is to always give me up, and he guilt trips me making everything seem like my fault, like I dont understand him enough, that it takes a lot for someone to be in a relationship with him, when he's the one who became interested in me first and began to chase me first. People keep telling me I deserve so much better, that once I transfer from my community college over to a university I'll meet a MAN and not a boy. Its just difficult because I do love him..I love talking to him, I love being able to just lay down and talk to him about everything and anything, yet I hate feeling insecure and on my toes constantly not knowing when he'll get upset over something and then giving up on me. He says the relationship is toxic, but I feel it is because he makes it that way instead of trying to work things out and fight..he gives up.
Author RiceaRoni Posted September 11, 2013 Author Posted September 11, 2013 And we were suppose to go out to breakfast this morning before all of this happened...we still went, but none of us hardly muttered a word to each other. and he tried to lighten things up and told me he was worried about me and if I was sure I could handle being friends with him...but it's like he doesnt understand...I dont understand how he could tell me he loves me and we've done things together for him to instantly just turn everything into being just friends...it's like I thought he wanted more...I asked him this..and he just said..not now..that I stress him out and that it's why he's tire of being in relationships...and I find that so frustrating because he's the one who chased after me and showed me that he really wanted to be with me.
Kelly15 Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 6 times in four months is a lot . No wonder you feel so insecure. Please leave him now. You will end up way more hurt later. Best wishes 3
truth_seeker Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 No way you can be friends. Too many hurt feelings. Need to delete him from your life. 1
Author RiceaRoni Posted September 11, 2013 Author Posted September 11, 2013 I just really do feel like it's my fault. I don't know if its because hes made it seem that way..or if it really is.
Author RiceaRoni Posted September 11, 2013 Author Posted September 11, 2013 And I dont know what else to do... He seems so full of himself and acts as if he can get whatever he wants. Like today after that horrible breakfast...he walked me to my car and I opened the door and sat in my car..and looked at him and he smiled and said "looks as if you're expecting a kiss or something" (because thats what we usually did) I wanted to shut my door so badly, and I began to and he stopped it and said "can at least have a hug?" and at that point I was already tearing up.
ExpatInItaly Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 And I dont know what else to do... He seems so full of himself and acts as if he can get whatever he wants. Like today after that horrible breakfast...he walked me to my car and I opened the door and sat in my car..and looked at him and he smiled and said "looks as if you're expecting a kiss or something" (because thats what we usually did) I wanted to shut my door so badly, and I began to and he stopped it and said "can at least have a hug?" and at that point I was already tearing up. That's because he can. How many times have you gone back to him? He'll continue to do it as long as you let him. Stop letting him.
Author RiceaRoni Posted September 11, 2013 Author Posted September 11, 2013 That's because he can. How many times have you gone back to him? He'll continue to do it as long as you let him. Stop letting him. Ive gone back at least 4 of the 6 times...the other times I enforced what he told me...I went to hang out with him at his house he tried making a move on me and I had to constantly stop him and remind him that we were just friends due to his decision, and then he would try to change it and tell me he wanted more afterall...and I'd believe him..things would go smoothly and then based on something I may have said he'd take it out of proportions and give up on me once again.
nescafe1982 Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 Yeah, this rollercoaster of a relationship is going to make you crazy if you don't get off it. If I were in your shoes I'd take some time to heal, by myself and single. Get into the new school, focus on my studies, and eventually meet a more mature guy who will treat me better than that. Usually if all your friends/family say you can do better, it's because you can. Good luck. 1
Author RiceaRoni Posted September 11, 2013 Author Posted September 11, 2013 How do I tell him if he even tries to come back again? If he even texts me...do I just ignore him?
Author RiceaRoni Posted September 11, 2013 Author Posted September 11, 2013 And he says I'm not mature enough for him yet...although I feel as if he's the one acting immature. He's 23 and I'm 19.
Kelly15 Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 yes, try your hardest to ignore him, he probably will text at some point, if you reply leaving it very short 1
nescafe1982 Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 Have you guys broken up? If yes, don't respond to his texts or phone calls. You don't owe an ex an explanation, your time, or your attention. Just focus on you for now.
nescafe1982 Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 And he says I'm not mature enough for him yet...although I feel as if he's the one acting immature. He's 23 and I'm 19. If he says this, then he has no business being with you. But chances are he said this to put you down or make you feel like you're the one at fault. Truth is, some breakups are the right thing to do. It's not about blame or whose fault it is. It's not about maturity. But if in 4 months you guys have had numerous fights and breaks, it's time to move on, both of you. No point in explaining, no point in being "friends" (what can this person provide you as a "friend" other than drama and hurt feelings, anyway?).
bloominnora Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 You ignore the phone. I know, so simple! It's not simple in your head but really, just make the decision not to reply. Think that's rude? So what, he's been really rude to you, dropping you and picking you up again when it suits him. I guess if he was more mature he wouldn't be playing these silly little games. 2
Quiet Storm Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 He has issues, and is using your willingness to tolerate his BS as a way to make him feel superior. Knowing he can treat you bad, confuse you and come back whenever he wants is an ego stroke for him. He doesn't love you, but it's not your fault. His issues are causing him to do this. He doesn't want you, but he wants the feelings of superiority that you inspire in him. You don't hold him accountable for the way he treats you, so you are his go-to girl when he needs an ego stroke. For a guy with a weak character, it is validating to have a girl willing to accept you and love you, no matter what. He won't appreciate it, though. Many women fall into the trap of thinking "He has to know I love him if I put up with all that!", "I took him back after that, so now he will appreciate me". It doesn't work that way. When you allow someone to treat you poorly (and tolerating it- even if your mouth is b!itchin about it- is acceptance), it lowers your value in their eyes. So they end up losing respect for you, instead of appreciating your forgiveness. As an adult, you have to act as your own parent sometimes and protect yourself from people that have the potential to hurt you. Sometimes these people are manipulating, intentional a5sholes, and sometimes they are just confused, screwed up people with issues. Whether their behavior is malicious or not, their actions result in the same thing for you: pain. You need to distance yourself from people like him. They are a waste of time, energy & headspace. 3
HappyLove Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 No one can explain this more perfectly than Quiet Storm did but I'll try to attempt anyway. Do you need to be hit over the head with a bat before you dump this douche? What else does he possibly need to do before, LIGHTBULB!....YOU DUMP HIM! Do you not have one ounce of self respect? He dumps you 6 times in 4 months plays head games and you're STILL dating this guy? Not only does he dump you but he goes to have sex with others and brings back whatever to you. SELF RESPECT, you owe yourself better! 2
todreaminblue Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 hi rice a roni...dating is the pits huh.......there's always a risk it wont work out.........but if i follow the rule of getting to know a guy and for him to know me...by the time date time rolls around there is already a more than friends vibe there.....going back to friends after dating......can understand why people dont want to do it...its hard....i am friends with both my exes who were long term relationships.......they were long term friends before.,......but i haven't kept dates as friends....some dates have said to me to come back if i need them and if i want to try again.......i dont go back i dont think its fair or right because they would miss out on someone who is meant for them who loves them more than i could have .......... it must be really hard for you to be with him as friends after you have been intimate especially since the feelings are there for you...sever ties with this guy......for you and for him....hugs..best wishes.deb 1
MidwestUSA Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 Is this the guy who forced himself on you? The one who didn't tell you upfront that he has herpes? Good riddance, the sooner the better. Reread your own thread in the sex section, you were scared *****less. Remember?
Author RiceaRoni Posted September 11, 2013 Author Posted September 11, 2013 Yeah...you're all right. I just thought he'd be different than what I usually dated and he was... I mean he was kind a and very caring and actually listened to me and made it easy to talk to him but at the same time he has a lot of issues mentally and issues that he brings in from his past...plus he's very contradictory towards me and seems to hold some double standards. It's going to be difficult, but I know I'll make it through. I'm just tired of being given up on by guys. And I don't know if it's me or I just happen to choose some very a5sholish guys.
shortee Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 Hes a player. He has so many female friends and he gets what he wants from them. 1
Author RiceaRoni Posted September 12, 2013 Author Posted September 12, 2013 Any ideas on how I can cope and get over him? we weren't together long, but it still hurts.
Author RiceaRoni Posted September 12, 2013 Author Posted September 12, 2013 My friend said that I need to just rip the bandaid. To meet with him in person and tell him I want nothing to do with him anymore. Even trying to be his friend..I told her that was going to be so difficult, but she said it's for the best because he's not even being a good friend let alone ever a good bf. Geez.... I didn't find myself to become so attached to him in the first place. I blame myself since when I met him I kind of had a bad feeling.. and instead of acting on that feeling I ignored it and became close with him.
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