curly Posted November 19, 2004 Posted November 19, 2004 I’ve posted here before so you can read about my situation in another post. What I need now is some real life advice about how to get through this. He left his wife and moved in with me. Clothes, suits, photos from the refrigerator, everything. TWO F***ING DAYS LATER, he packs everything up right after I left for work and moves out. Writes me a f***ing note telling me the guilt is too much. We have had hundreds of conversations about what he was planning. I thought he could talk to me. Guess I was wrong. He just walked out and ignored my calls throughout the day. When I got home, I freaked out. I called him and he said he didn’t think I would want to speak to him. I called him every name I could think of (coward, liar, cheater, spineless, d*ck, a**hole, etc.). I told him that if he ever calls me, contacts me, I will tell his wife and his work will find out what a weasel he truly is. He said he would not call me again. My friend thinks he probably will some time in the future. Regardless, I realize now that I was seeing something in him that just wasn’t there. I don’t want to be with him. I want to meet someone single, available, nice, not a liar and a cheater. However, I can’t turn my love and my heart off that fast. I’m still so angry, so hurt, so mad at myself for letting him walk all over me. No matter how much you know about life, read on these forums, etc. when the MM hurts you this much and without any “warning,” it’s stunning. I’m shocked. I know I shouldn’t be, but…. It’s truly a knife right through your heart. So, the advice I seek is how do I get past this? I want to take revenge but I know that won’t change how I feel. I want to stop thinking about him. How?
Owl Posted November 19, 2004 Posted November 19, 2004 Take this the right way Curly...you sound as though you're feeling exactly what the betrayed spouse feels when they find out about the affair and the wandering spouse leaves them. I can absolutely imagine the pain your going through right now friend. Turns out this person you loved and trusted wasn't who/what you thought they were. He left you, and now it hurts like hell. I guess the only advice I've got would be the same thing I'd tell his wife at this point...its going to hurt for a long time to come. Try to find your way in life, find other things to concentrate on, and if it gets too bad, seek professional help. Spend time with other friends when you can, and try to find a new focus in your life now that he's not it. It sucks, it's not fair, and it hurts like hell. I can understand those feelings well. Good luck!
FreeMe Posted November 19, 2004 Posted November 19, 2004 I went through the same thing exactly. Stay strong. Don't see him. Don't speak to him. And it may not sound healthy but - stay angry. Find ways to work it out though. Go to the gym or run or something. When you stop being angry and start feeling hurt that's where the danger comes in of letting him back in. When it happened to me, I made the mistake of taking him back over and over again. After over two years of constant hurt and misery, I finally put an end to it. Unfortunately my stupidity lived on - I got involved with another separated guy and he moved in and went through the divorce and the guilt but it ruined our relationship. Just getting out of that one now and I feel horrible about the breakup, about putting too much time into it, guilt for hurting him, guilt that I can't "make" it work. Don't let it happen to you! Stay strong!
whichwayisup Posted November 19, 2004 Posted November 19, 2004 Therapy will help you through this. Going through what you went through is a very highly emotional thing. Depression, anxiety, insecurities, anger...It's like a death almost. You will need time to grieve, therapy will just help keep you from doing something that you may regret because you are feeling so much right now. Hugs and good luck. Keep posting though, it's theraputic as well. WWIU
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