Sailynn Posted November 19, 2004 Posted November 19, 2004 A few days ago, I spoke of writing a letter to my ex-GF, expressing my regrets for the relationship failure, my respect to her and hope for being friends and such. For two weeks, I haven't received any response. Last night, she shows up at my health club and gets on the treadmill adjacent to the aerobic class floor where I was finishing step class. I exited when class and saw her on the treadmill, so I said, "Hello." She turned her head, but her gaze was down and her eyes never came up from the floor. She said, "how are you doing?" I said, "Great, how are you?" Her eyes looking down all the while. She didn't respond, so I said boldly, "Excuse me, I'm standing right over here!" Then she turned her head and actually for the first time in seven months, looked me in the eyes. She smiled. I'll tell you, I see a lot of shame in her eyes. I wish we could be friends and at least be able to shake hands or say hello, without it being a big psychological event. I guess she wants to be left alone, but I still question why she comes to my health club, always, just five minutes before my class lets out. She could wait five minutes, I'll be in the dressing room and then I'm outta there. Puzzling! I still love her, want her and have a hard time, totally letting go. It's like seeing the ghost of a long lost loved one. Guess this is why there are so many love songs based more on lost loves, rather than successful ones.
Pocky Posted November 19, 2004 Posted November 19, 2004 Is there anything you feel you should apologize for that you haven't already apologized for? If so, write the letter. If not, let it go.
Weird Posted November 19, 2004 Posted November 19, 2004 wtf is she playing these stupid games with you? That is pretty weak that she coudln't even look at you when you were talking. How old is this woman?
alphamale Posted November 19, 2004 Posted November 19, 2004 I will say this once again for the umpteenth time! THE ONLY TIME YOU SHOULD STAY FRIENDS WITH AN EX IS IF YOU HAVE KIDS TOGEHTER. memorize and repeat 1000 times this woman knows you're still into her and she is playing with you, and another thing, you said she had a look of shame on her face. Actually this shame was directed to you because you won't let it go or leave her alone. Women are usually not as nice as you think they are.
Sukotto Posted November 19, 2004 Posted November 19, 2004 I wouldn't say friends with the ex is impossible, it can work but there is no point in attempting it unti a few conditions are met. Neither one of you is hoping to get back together You've resolved any issues you had at time of breakup You've forgiven them for any wrong they did If you can't agree with any of those 3 then its just going to make the healing process take longer and potentially open fresh wounds. Also one of you will probably get used by the other.
Pocky Posted November 19, 2004 Posted November 19, 2004 I will say this once again for the umpteenth time! THE ONLY TIME YOU SHOULD STAY FRIENDS WITH AN EX IS IF YOU HAVE KIDS TOGEHTER. Ever think it's possible that people disagree with you and many of us have remained friends with our Ex? No situation is exactly identical and people behave differently in different situations. To say that someone should respond to an ex the exact same way every time regardless of the situation is unreasonable. We did a thread a long time ago about people that were still friends with their Ex and there was quite a bit of us that posted.
tokyo Posted November 19, 2004 Posted November 19, 2004 Contrary to all the others, I don´t think she´s a bitch. To me it looks like she would like to talk with you, but is never able to muster the courage to do so. She´s like giving you the opportunity to talk to her, but you don´t except for some small talk. If you appear in real life like this, she must think you are over her already and doing very well, so, she wants you back, but is too afraid to ask, maybe too ashamed. I´m sure you´re the stronger one in this relationship and she knows it, that´s why she´s playing all these games with you. You can either show pity and mercy and ask her or you stop bothering and move on for real, because this is not going anywhere. I don´t know, I guess, if you still have some feelings for her and do consider her a good person, I would give it a try, because I think she´s suffered quite a lot, too, and might be willing to change.
Weird Posted November 19, 2004 Posted November 19, 2004 I don't think she is acting like a bitch...I think she is acting like a child and you hit the nail on the head with your opinion of the situation.
savethedrama4allama Posted November 19, 2004 Posted November 19, 2004 Why is this place your health club? Perhaps it is the closest or most affordable for her to exercise, and she'd rather not have you talking to her every time she tries to work out? Maybe she comes 5 minutes before your class is over because that is when she gets out of work, and she doesn't feel like hiding in the locker room waiting for you to leave. Maybe it isn't all about you!
Author Sailynn Posted November 19, 2004 Author Posted November 19, 2004 I think your response may be spot on. You see, about two weeks ago, I wrote her a heartfelt letter expressing my regrets, my esteem for her, my love for her, my yearning for her and how I wish I could at least shake her hand once more, hug her once more or just smile for a minute. If anything would have opened the door, I would have thought that letter would. I have heard nothing, and then she appears two weeks after the letter at my health club. She would not look at me, except when I called her on it and told cajoled her that, "I am standing right here." When she broke up with me, she was rather bitchy and brought up all kinds of accusations that simply had no basis in fact. I certainly know enough to know that when someone is engaging in that behavior, it's not about me, there's something going on with them. Maybe another man, another woman or something unknown. Anway, the shame displayed on her face is a sign to leave it alone from now on and evermore. I have been tempted to just walk up to her and start talking, yet fear of being accused of stalking. As of right now, I feel I can hold my head up high and proud because I know I've done nothing immoral or bad, nor do I have an avenging heart. To me, she acts like someone who has done something so bad, or whatever, that she doesn't want me to know, yet seems guilty enough to where she thinks I suspect what she may have done. That's out of my control and I will not worry about it. All my friends at the health club talk to me and compliment me on my physique. I'm meeting new people. I'm dating. I'm involved in different activities with my church, my work and my social friends. So, I'm moving on and one day, I'll find my Princess.
Weird Posted November 19, 2004 Posted November 19, 2004 how old is she? some many similarities to my ex. Creepy.
tokyo Posted November 19, 2004 Posted November 19, 2004 I think it´s because you thought it was worth to post about these five minutes that made me think there might still be something left. I´m acutally not quite sure if you should ask her about the five minutes or if you should let her come on her own. On the one hand I think for some people it´s really really hard and you need to be patient, but on the other hand for others it´s necessary that the first impulse comes from them. If she really like you she´ll get the courage to apologize and ask you if you want to come back. If not, it´s a good lesson for her and she will hopefully try to do it better next time.
bluechocolate Posted November 19, 2004 Posted November 19, 2004 She could wait five minutes, I'll be in the dressing room and then I'm outta there. Puzzling! I still love her, want her and have a hard time, totally letting go. It's like seeing the ghost of a long lost loved one. Change your schedule. If she wants to enough I'd imagine she'd find out & start showing up again. By then she should have to be ready to talk!
tokyo Posted November 19, 2004 Posted November 19, 2004 Originally posted by bluechocolate Change your schedule. If she wants to enough I'd imagine she'd find out & start showing up again. By then she should have to be ready to talk! But then she´ll think he´s avoiding her and that´s not really an encouraging sign.
Author Sailynn Posted November 19, 2004 Author Posted November 19, 2004 I'll stop referring to it as "my" health club, just "the" health club. You see, we joined the club together and attended classes together. I will continue to go to my aerobics classes. however, the schedule can't be changed. I don't set it. She comes in to walk on the treadmill. There is no schedule for that. I will live my life and move on. I will continue attaining my goals. I will appoint myself to a higher standard. She is 45 years old and she has always been rather shy and uncourageous. She is good at bottling up stuff and is a rather secretive person. I would be astonished if she ever displayed the courage to approach me. I think I'm just one among many relationship failures in her life that seems to have established a pattern, even though we talked about it. You see, she was a childhood victim of incest, and I would know where a lot of this may be coming from.
tokyo Posted November 19, 2004 Posted November 19, 2004 Uh oh, that´s really really tough. I hadn´t thought she was that old. She needs some counseling, considering her past this is really needed. I think in this case you can´t count on her, that doesn´t look like something she can do alone and sincerely I´m not sure if I would expect anybody with this past to be able to overcome these problems on his own....
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