tkp Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 it looks like that it has become progressively harder for me to get over her. i am so heavily guilt ridden that i feel like running to her and telling her that i still love her a lot, basically whatever that will make her feel good. there is a huge void in me now and it seems i am the complete opposite of what i was before, a lively, cheerful person. without her, life seems dull, empty and i feel pathetic and lifeless. i dont know how can someone be so powerful to move another one or is it just the love, the bonding that has this strength. i have an uncontrollable urge to reach out to her..i barely controlled myself to text her. i have been trying to reason myself out, why i feel like this and cant think of anything but her again! i feel completely ****ed up, she never leaves me anywhere. i wonder whether i will be able to do justice to someone new in my life ever, whether even i will find anyone like her (she was my first). the remorse is crushing me, sinking me deep and feel lost with it... i want to reach out to her, talk to her, do all what we used to do endlessly for hours... i now am fearful of myself...will i EVER be normal again??? i cant even cry my eyes out...life is a drag..
Moniq Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 Hi!!! I'm so sorry you are going through this. So am I. But it does get easier. I'm not normal yet but I think I might be getting there. I have a job interview today and I'm excited about it. And a depeche mode concert on Sunday I'm supper excited about. I didn't think I would feel excited about anything but slowly I am, so will you. I hated when people would say give it time, but it's sorta true! Feel better, you are not alone, we are all going through it are getting over it.
Author tkp Posted September 11, 2013 Author Posted September 11, 2013 im glad that the 'time' thing is working for you. for me it seems it has stopped somewhere. i feel reluctant to do anything, interesting or otherwise. its been 4 months already and i feel i am going nowhere with this time healing. and i am afraid of myself. whether i will be always like this with her memory running in the back of my head. will it ever get better? even slightly? i used to be passionate about life earlier, meeting and talking to new people, sharing experiences and getting a lot back in return, now it seems what's the point to do all this? its just meaningless...
Moniq Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 It will get better. But you are the only one with the power to change your life. You know what helped me? Getting pissed (non aggressive). He DOES NOT WANT TO BE WITH ME. I cant force him. Why would I want to be with someone who not only does not want to be with me, he is willing to be hundreds of miles away from his kids too. Its bad I know it. Im still dealing with it. I even hated going to the store because I felt people knew that I was getting a Divorce, like I had a sign on my forehead or something. I still cry but now I breathe a little better while im at a store. Don't be to hard on yourself. Cry when you need to cry and scream when you need to scream (to yourself) But know that you will get better. There is no date set on that but one day youll notice that you did not think of her for a whole hour, then you'll notice that you laughed at a joke, little by little, things will come back. AGAIN, im still dealing with it but I do feel a little more normal. I started a what are you thankful for forum in the separation and divorce section and I want to write what im thankful for everyday. I am thankful for a job interview today and Depeche mode on Sunday.. Keep your head up 1
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