gazza141 Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 Well where do i start i had been seeing a girl for 5 1/2 years we had been engaged for 2 months, i was on a committee at a local football club thought everything was going great then found out the chairman and i thought my friend had been seeing her while she was with me and that has killed me this happened 3 weeks ago they have now moved in together and i have been getting threatening messages so had to change my mobile number, i just miss her so much i am saying the right stuff but cant get it in my head been to doctors quite a few times i aint eating or sleeping and really finding things hard especially when i go to the football and they walk past hand in hand. Are they just trying to rub it in by doing that ??? But i try to show that i am enjoying myself when they do that. I went to the last game and he came up to and said he was really sorry so i just walked away, everyone has been great with me but i now think my friends are getting sick of me talking about it now.
Exitleft Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 Maybe you should take some time out from football if you can, just so you don't have to see them together while you heal. That has got to be hard. I think we all drive our loved ones nuts with talking about our break ups. If you need, you should use your thread as a journal, a place where you can vent if you feel you are imposing on your friends which I am sure you're not really. Best of luck.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 Well where do i start i had been seeing a girl for 5 1/2 years we had been engaged for 2 months, i was on a committee at a local football club thought everything was going great then found out the chairman and i thought my friend had been seeing her while she was with me and that has killed me this happened 3 weeks ago they have now moved in together and i have been getting threatening messages so had to change my mobile number, i just miss her so much i am saying the right stuff but cant get it in my head been to doctors quite a few times i aint eating or sleeping and really finding things hard especially when i go to the football and they walk past hand in hand. Are they just trying to rub it in by doing that ??? But i try to show that i am enjoying myself when they do that. I went to the last game and he came up to and said he was really sorry so i just walked away, everyone has been great with me but i now think my friends are getting sick of me talking about it now. Whats up brother? Welcome! Alright, lets see if I can sort through this. With your ex for 5 1/2 years and engaged for two months...THEN found out that she had been seeing your friend during the time you were together. Do you know how long? Did she tell you this or did you confront her? So now, she left you and is now moving in with your friend? And you are having a hard time with all this especially since you have to see them..... Wow...okay first, I feel SO bad for what you are going through. That must be very difficult to deal with. Not only dealing with you ex, but having to SEE it all the time. As what their intentions are, I dont know...but that still sucks. The BEST thing to do right now for you is to NOT talk to her and or your friend and try your best not to watch them flaunt their crap in front of you. Going no contact is what you need to do. Changing your number was awesome good for you! This process is not easy man, thats why sites like this exist. This process is also not quick, so I understand the pain and confusion you have. How could she do this? Was it something I did? Why is my friend a tool? Whatever any of those answers are, it doesnt matter at this point. All that is going to do is keep you up longer at night and eat less. A LOT of us here have been though the same thing, so you came to the right place. Try this: Once a day, take at least an hour and do something for yourself. Go out and grab some awesome food, go work out hard, get a haircut, buy new clothes, etc etc....just things to boost yourself...whatever you do, do NOT try and talk to the ex and get answers or try and "win" her back. Do NOT send love letters, emails, love text, whatever. She choose to do this and thats on her. It sucks, but that is the crap reality. Whenever you need to talk, we'll be here.
Author gazza141 Posted September 11, 2013 Author Posted September 11, 2013 His ex of 12 years being engaged to him told me about it and it had been going on since may. I know its to do with money as she has never worked i used to keep asking her if she was looking for work and she always said yes even tho i knew she hadn't i feel embarrassed by it as she is 25 i am 31 and the guy she is with now is 42 her family isn't really well liked i knew that from the start and for 5 1/2 years i got alot of problems because i was seeing her i even had to get a harrassment order against someone and all that i went through just to see her she has thrown it back in my face. I dont really want to stop going to the football as its something i really like doing but it is hard when i see them together. I fell out with alot friends because of people not liking her and they are starting to talk to me again as i aint with her. I gave the house up as i didnt want to live there and moved back to my parents not sure if that was the right thing to do ??. I wont contact her because i know that will make me worse but at 31 i dont really have confidence to meet other girls and i think that i wont find anyone else now
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 His ex of 12 years being engaged to him told me about it and it had been going on since may. I know its to do with money as she has never worked i used to keep asking her if she was looking for work and she always said yes even tho i knew she hadn't i feel embarrassed by it as she is 25 i am 31 and the guy she is with now is 42 her family isn't really well liked i knew that from the start and for 5 1/2 years i got alot of problems because i was seeing her i even had to get a harrassment order against someone and all that i went through just to see her she has thrown it back in my face. I dont really want to stop going to the football as its something i really like doing but it is hard when i see them together. I fell out with alot friends because of people not liking her and they are starting to talk to me again as i aint with her. I gave the house up as i didnt want to live there and moved back to my parents not sure if that was the right thing to do ??. I wont contact her because i know that will make me worse but at 31 i dont really have confidence to meet other girls and i think that i wont find anyone else now Thanks for the clearing up of some things! Helps with the helping process lol. For some reason, I''m intrigued by this story. I cant say I know how it feels because my ex didnt do the exact same thing, but I know the pain associated with it. First, whatever helps you cope with things in terms of living is never a bad decision. Its probably better to get out of the place that causes painful memories and what not. Probably a smart move. Whatever the reasons were, they do not matter. If you think about them, they will consume you. We all obviously dont want that. It seems to me that she was quite a handful to begin with. Shockingly, those are the ones we choose to fall in love with lol. Sadly, it happens. Losing friends because of a girl is NEVER cool in any form or fashion. My ex was the same way too....not as much, but the same nonetheless. You are 31, not dead lol. When the time is RIGHT, I have no doubt there will be someone who is 1000% better than your ex. That will be a while though , so dont jump to another girl quickly because you want to get over the pain. From an outside perspective, she seemed to be way much more trouble than she was worth. We kinda ignore red flags when dating them because we like/love them. We refuse to see what was actually their true character inside. Sadly, you are seeing it in full force. People change QUICK too and that is probably throwing you for quite the loop. Where is that girl I was with before??? Again, sadly, that person is not there. She has changed for better or worse....she cheated on you with your friend of all people. Ugh that sucks and I feel your situation. Dont let her stop doing the things you enjoy. I worked for a football team on staff at a top notch University (not going to say where, but a top 25 program). I was doing good at work, then mine happened and I had to see her a bunch. I LOVED going to the games and working for the program, but I left so I didnt have to see her at all. DONT LET THAT HAPPEN TO YOU! Do what you like to do man! This will pass I assure you, it just takes time.
Chi townD Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 Dude, find another club.... start fresh.
Author gazza141 Posted September 11, 2013 Author Posted September 11, 2013 Thanks for the advice people. It helps me a lot too talk about it i know what i need to do but cant stop thinking about it. Everyone says i am better off now but i dont feel like that, as for finding another club i have started doing that as my friend supports a different team so i have been going there with him. Just all the stuff i had to put up with at the start just to be with her gets to me the most and it was for nothing. I do know this is the 4th time my now EX friend has done this as things happen to you u find out more things about them people. I have recently joined a snooker league to try and take my mind off stuff and that has worked its just when you are sat by yourself for a few minutes its when i start thinking again about it. A few days ago i got a text off her asking to be friends but that is only because i have something of hers that she wants. I know we aint gonna be friends ever again. Just glad i changed my number now so she cant text anymore
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 Thanks for the advice people. It helps me a lot too talk about it i know what i need to do but cant stop thinking about it. Everyone says i am better off now but i dont feel like that, as for finding another club i have started doing that as my friend supports a different team so i have been going there with him. Just all the stuff i had to put up with at the start just to be with her gets to me the most and it was for nothing. I do know this is the 4th time my now EX friend has done this as things happen to you u find out more things about them people. I have recently joined a snooker league to try and take my mind off stuff and that has worked its just when you are sat by yourself for a few minutes its when i start thinking again about it. A few days ago i got a text off her asking to be friends but that is only because i have something of hers that she wants. I know we aint gonna be friends ever again. Just glad i changed my number now so she cant text anymore Whats amazing (in a good way) is that though this sucks, you seem to have a pretty healthy perspective about it. That is a LOT more than what I can say for most new people on here we try to help haha. I would probably kick the s*** out of my friend for doing that to you so good for having restraint. The "lets be friends" text after breaking up an engagement is just downright rude. Shes been lying to you and seeing someone else on the side and was going to MARRY YOU WITHOUT TELLING YOU then has the gall to say "lets be friends" ???? How do you deal with that man? I would have said some things I assure you. I think the worst part about breakups and how much time and effort you put into the person...all for not other than memories. Its a painful realization that nothing last forever. This world is short, so make the most of your time. Go out and try to hang with your friends again WITHOUT talking about it. Tell them you understand you are probably annoying them with it and just reiterate how grateful you are that they can listen to your stuff. Just try and stay busy and use this site when you need help.
Author gazza141 Posted September 11, 2013 Author Posted September 11, 2013 Thanks alot i will back on in a few days to say how i am getting on 1
Chi townD Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 Thanks for the advice people. It helps me a lot too talk about it i know what i need to do but cant stop thinking about it. Everyone says i am better off now but i dont feel like that, as for finding another club i have started doing that as my friend supports a different team so i have been going there with him. Just all the stuff i had to put up with at the start just to be with her gets to me the most and it was for nothing. I do know this is the 4th time my now EX friend has done this as things happen to you u find out more things about them people. I have recently joined a snooker league to try and take my mind off stuff and that has worked its just when you are sat by yourself for a few minutes its when i start thinking again about it. A few days ago i got a text off her asking to be friends but that is only because i have something of hers that she wants. I know we aint gonna be friends ever again. Just glad i changed my number now so she cant text anymore Yeah, but just think if you didn't join that snooker team (whatever the hell that is) you would probably be sitting around a hell of a lot more thinking about her rather than a few minutes. Moral of the story, KEEP BUSY!!! Make positive changes.
Author gazza141 Posted September 11, 2013 Author Posted September 11, 2013 Thats exactly what i am trying to do keep busy. Just hate doing stuff that i haven't done meself for a while that i used to do with her
Author gazza141 Posted September 12, 2013 Author Posted September 12, 2013 Had a great time last night really enjoyed meself. But again this morning cant stop thinking about it. I always think why and could i of changed anything. I live in a small town so everybody knows about it i was getting asked last night when i went out off various people and it could make the local paper if it went more public as it is a well known football club and that would be awful even tho i can keep my head held high as i haven't done anything
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 Whats up again. ChiTown-If I'm not mistaken, a snooker team is billiards. I'm going to imagine this guy lives somewhere in England since its big over there and he talks about football. A guess sure. Where ARE you from Gazza? Alright back to the nature at hand...the worst part about a broken relationship (to me) is the overthinking. I worry a LOT and I probably get that from my mother. She worries if the sun is shining a different way. I rack my head about the smallest of stuff haha. When my relationship ended, I spent almost every waking minute thinking about why she did it, what I could have done, what she could have done, etc. I wasted an ENTIRE year just thinking about it. My god man, it tore me up inside. It seems you are on that same path. One day it hit me: These 1000 scenarios in my head....didn't matter. The end result was the same. It doesnt matter who was at fault, why she did it, what you could have done...the end result was they were not there at the end. A tough pill, but thats what happened. Thats what you have to overcome. SHE made this decision and it was her decision alone. She did this....dont let her ruin you man. I hate to see that because it happened to me. I wasted my entire end of 26 to first half of being 27 just in my room wondering. I have NOTHING to show for this year. I'm going to look back and HATE this time in my life, but I assure you I learned something from it as you will too. What you need to do is focus on having fun. At this point, it seems like more of a chore, but try and do as many things as possible that are FUN.
Author gazza141 Posted September 12, 2013 Author Posted September 12, 2013 I am from england i did abit of research and this site looked the best to talk about things
Author gazza141 Posted September 12, 2013 Author Posted September 12, 2013 What should i do with the engagement ring that she gave me back ???
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 What should i do with the engagement ring that she gave me back ??? Sell it, and use the money (depending on how much it was) to go on a nice getaway.
Author gazza141 Posted September 12, 2013 Author Posted September 12, 2013 Well after sitting by meself for a hour i cant stop thinking about it and its doing my head i am feeling really low
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