VioletBlue Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 I'm getting fed up with myself... Feeling like I'm well and truly crazy. My ex and I had a baby last year... totally unplanned... I found out he started to see someone else during my pregnancy. I found out about it after the baby was born, he kept denying it but I found proof. He kept coming back to me and wanted to make things work... I had a horrible birth and ended up having a break down and ended up in a psychiatric hospital with my baby... So I really needed his support. After that he and I moved in together... madness in hindsight! He moved out to go back to her 3 days later... And did not see his son for 4 months. He turned nasty, yelling he never loved me, he doesn't want anything to do with me and calling me names. I do believe part of this hatred he has for me is because this woman he's seeing made up some lies about me harassing her and he believed it. Now they're living together, I take my baby around to her place for him to spend time with the baby... He is always so angry with me, likes to boast about how happy he is without me and how great this woman is and he's living this perfect goody goody family life with her and her kids doing everything he should have been doing with me, with them. He only wants to see his son 4 hours a week but complains he hasn't formed a bond with the baby, when I offer him an extra time he never takes it up. Makes me feel like he's rejecting our baby. I just can't get past the hurt, embarrassment and rejection from him... It's been 6 months since he moved out... And I still feel like I'm stuck on him. Don't get me wrong, I have distractions, I do things that make me happy, I see a counselor, I have things to do, raising my child (he is my love)... I have fun, I'm not always unhappy... just stuck... My baby is almost a year old, I thought I'd be over feeling anything but here I am posting this as a vent... Will I ever get over it?
Philosoraptor Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 Your ex isn't much to miss. He was neglectful to you and neglectful to his son as going 4 months without seeing him. Stop taking your son over there and make him come to you if he wants to see him. No need to torture yourself with seeing their life together. Are you collecting child support? If not, get that taken care of. Just because he doesn't want to be there physically doesn't mean your son is still not his responsibility. Things will get better, but you need to stop torturing yourself with thoughts and sights of your ex and his life with this other woman. If he wants to see his son, he needs to make the effort to see him. 1
Author VioletBlue Posted September 11, 2013 Author Posted September 11, 2013 Thanks for your reply! We were headed to court, the agreement is that I take the baby to him... He refused to see him anywhere else... He says he cannot be anywhere around me as he can't stand me, which is why he refuses to visit the baby at my home. I have no idea where his hatred for me comes from as he was all over me when he moved in with me... and then moved out 3 days later, moved back in with the other woman and from then he has been angry and hating me. There's no reason for his anger... it's me and our baby who've been wronged... not him! I'm the one who went through hell and this other woman and he have continued to lie, cheat and abuse me... No apologies either! I have a child support case, they are after him for money he owes... He told me today he'll be paying it soon....Pffft! And on the arguments in my head go... I just need to let it go... I'm a mental case!!
mercuryshadow Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 You are NOT a mental case!!! I went through a similar thing when I had my son almost 10 years ago. I was a young mom. My ex was a little older, but in no way mature enough to handle a baby. My pregnancy was not fun for physical and emotional reasons. I really needed my ex to man up. We were engaged during that time, but his behavior went really sour and I ended up deciding to postpone the wedding. He also met a girl one night when he attended a party without me. I did not know they stayed in contact throughout my pregnancy (I found out after). Due to his angry, abusive and neglectful behavior, I ended up leaving a few months after I had the baby. I wanted us to work, but living together had been a nightmare. As soon as I left, he began seeing that woman he met. He stopped taking interest in our son, didn't see him for weeks at a time, and wouldn't take my phone calls. I found out that two weeks later, he moved the woman he met in with him. I had a breakdown and had to go into a few weeks of intensive therapy. It was truly over between us, and I decided to focus on myself and my son. It took some time for my son's dad to mature a bit. We went to court and I ended up granting him partial custody once he began to show interest in the well being of our son so I could go back to work. I don't know how it is in Oz, but in the US, the favor normally goes toward the mother unless she is incapable. His dad was also mandated to pay some child support. I kept seeing a therapist once a week, found a great job, and was able to recover and thrive. It sounds like you need to go back to court and at least file for some mediation. Establish clearly what YOU want, since you have been the sole caretaker of your son. Decide what you feel is best for him. And as for you, there is absolutely no reason to subject yourself to continual verbal abuse from your ex. His anger is not your problem anymore, and you need to make sure he respects you, as well as behaves as a good role model for your son.
Recommended Posts