MercuryMorrison1 Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 (edited) Hey everyone, I've got a little issue here that I'm not 100% sure how to handle. Let me start with just a little back story. Alright, so years ago I was dating a girl who was malicious to say the least. Total nightmare of a person to spending any real time with. Through this girl however, I met someone who would eventually go on to become one of my inner circle people. We'll call him Ken. Anyway, as essentially expected my relationship with crazy chick eventually tanked, and being young and dumb I took it pretty hard. Ken stuck it out with me though and worked his hardest to try and cheer me up everyday. Eventually he got threw and I moved on with life. And made a new life friend. Fast forward to present day. Ken and I are still friends and things are going pretty good. I meet a new girl, New girl and I hit things off pretty good, and fairly quickly start sleeping together. This is where things start to get sticky. I noticed an intimidate change in Ken's behavior when he found out that I was sleeping with this girl we had met. His behavior was very typical jealous behavior. So I decided to confront him on it. I took him out to eat about a week ago and asked him if he was attracted to the girl I was sleeping with, after a little prodding he admitted that he was, but that it was purely physical attraction. I asked him, If that was the case then why such jealousy. At this point he explained to me that it was because he is now in his twenty's and still a virgin. He explained to me that he gets this way with all of his friends who are sexually active, he feels envious of others sex live's in short. According to him its nothing personal against me, but its apparently a feeling he can't control. Ken has a very self defeatist attitude. He often complains about being out of shape but yet occasionally ribs me for working out six days a week. I've tried on several occasions to get him to exorcise with me, even offering my help to personally train him. It's always the same though, He'll jump headfirst into it and do really well the first week, but then quit because he says its to hard. And in my defense I don't over work him. I just ask that he do the best he can when working out. He also has the tendency to openly put himself down to complete strangers. I've seen girls who were attracted to him before and even tried to introduce him to girls, but it always winds up with him getting jealous because the one likes isn't interested in him, or with him complaining about the negative aspects of his life. I love him to death, He's like a brother to me and I want nothing more than to help him succeed at getting the things he wants, like getting into shape and getting him a girl, but I'm somewhat at a loss. I can see there is a lot of good in him, I've experienced how good of a person he is firsthand, but other people can't see it because he's become such a negative defeated person in life. I sadly have gotten to the point where I feel a little uncomfortable leaving my lady friend alone with him. I know it sounds like a crappy thing to think, but I sometimes worry that he might try and sabotage me somehow out of his own envy. Anyone have an advice on the subject? Edited September 11, 2013 by MercuryMorrison1
Philosoraptor Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 Well this is his issue, and something he needs to fix. The more he beats himself down the more he is going to continue to sabatoge any chance he has with any woman. All you can do is make sure his actions do not harm your life. Honestly though when I've had people like this in my life I've given them a wakeup call, tough love so to speak. Let them know how their actions are hurting them and ruining their chances at obtaining whatever they are out to obtain.
darkmoon Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 (edited) you can not change him, only he can do that, you can suggest but he has to do want/like your ideas, you are carrying him and not winning atmo, he pays scant attention I was kept away from 1 boyf's friends, he was scared they'd steal me too, btw Edited September 11, 2013 by darkmoon
Author MercuryMorrison1 Posted September 13, 2013 Author Posted September 13, 2013 I appreciate the advice. Both of you.
GG3 Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 I've known people like this. It's a shame that he doesn't take more advantage of your workout help. He could be the person he wants to be but he has to work for it. I think I would distance myself some.
mrs rubble Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 Maybe he could do with a visit to a hooker????? Perhaps if he got a bit and was treated like he was "THE man" by a woman for a while it might get it out of his system and boost his self esteem???
CC12 Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 At this point he explained to me that it was because he is now in his twenty's and still a virgin. He explained to me that he gets this way with all of his friends who are sexually active, he feels envious of others sex live's in short. According to him its nothing personal against me, but its apparently a feeling he can't control. You have to appreciate this guy's honesty, at least. This would have been a good time to talk to him about his girl troubles and explain how he's ruining his own chances. Have you ever brought this up with him? What does he say? I sadly have gotten to the point where I feel a little uncomfortable leaving my lady friend alone with him. I know it sounds like a crappy thing to think, but I sometimes worry that he might try and sabotage me somehow out of his own envy. Eh, that seems like kind of a far-fetched concern, unless he's really the type of person who would do something like that to you. If he is, you can stop taking an interest in his problems.
Author MercuryMorrison1 Posted September 14, 2013 Author Posted September 14, 2013 (edited) You have to appreciate this guy's honesty, at least. This would have been a good time to talk to him about his girl troubles and explain how he's ruining his own chances. Have you ever brought this up with him? What does he say? Yeah we have talked about it multiple times, He's faced some fairly harsh rejections and its been a long time since he's had a girl in his life that wasn't related or a ''best friend'' if you catch my drift. It kind of seems like a self perpetuating cycle with him. He meets a girl he likes, she shoots him down for whatever reason, he comes to the conclusion that it can only be because of his self perceived unattractiveness, which essentially starts the cycle all over again, only this time with his confidence slightly more battered than before. Eh, that seems like kind of a far-fetched concern, unless he's really the type of person who would do something like that to you. If he is, you can stop taking an interest in his problems. I don't think deep down that he's the type of person who would do this...But his obvious jealousy that he displayed when learning that this girl and I were sleeping together kind of stuck with me...I want to believe that he wouldn't ever try and sabotage my personal life, and deep down I really don't believe he would. But I also understand that he is desperately in need of some kind of attention right now, and that is what my fear stems from. I continue to take an active interest in his issues though, because that's exactly what he did for me years ago, and besides I kind of feel like its my duty as his friend. He's never pushed me away or told me he didn't want my help, in which case I would step back. But so far he just seems to be happy to have someone acts like they give a damn. Edited September 14, 2013 by MercuryMorrison1
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