Chris715 Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 I need to find a way to deal with this. I have enough self control (at least recently) to not text her and try to initiate anything, and this last week I thought I was doing OK with the NC. She sent me a text today, just something random and light hearted about her homework, and I caved after about 10 minutes of debate and responded. Tons of emotions right when I received the text and when I responded, which tells me that I haven't really moved on from her at all. A split second of shock seeing a message from her, then debating with myself briefly what to do and like I said, caving and breaking NC. I felt good at the time, because it shows that even after not seeing her for like 3 weeks now (when we stopped working together over summer) and her going out of state for school, she's still thinking about me, at least a little bit. On the other hand it set me back and I'm feeling pretty confused and kind of depressed tonight because of it. Blocking her number won't stop texts, will it? I've heard it stops phone calls but text messages can still get through. Tough night for me. I'm a loser with terrible self control who caved yet again.
mtnbiker3000 Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and re-commit to NC!! You slipped. Big deal. Learn and move forward. And, yes, if you have a smart phone there are blocking apps. I would suggest you look into one of those. It will help with your poor self control until you can get a handle on it!!
nadepsine Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 hey Chris715 i'm not really good for advice but if it comforts you in any way i kinda understand how your feeling. i've been in similar situation not too long ago. it's not easy to do a NC. once because even if you don't talk to the ex personally you might as well be curious to ask the other about your ex anyway. talking to your ex just floods your mind with mixed feelings. you feel happy, angry, arrogant, offensive, deffensive and simply out of your comfort zone. most certain is that you may NOT be able to handle any of this. just thinking of my ex churns me inside. let alone seeing him online on different things. at first i wasn't even sure if i could handle seeing him in public. my first time seeing him after we broke up i couldn't see him in the eye (mostly because i was affraid i would loose my cool and do something stupid) I really feel like anything i would do would be stupid. No contact is a safe zone for people like me and you. don't worry, you can go back in NC. it doesn't really matter if you slip up a few times. It's a lot harder to do it anyway. i really think that bothering yourself too much with it will only make you anxious and depressed. it's okay dude. just keep hanging.
Author Chris715 Posted September 12, 2013 Author Posted September 12, 2013 Change your number all together. Remember when you said I needed to hit rock bottom? Pretty sure it happened today. Unblocked her on Facebook (again) and saw "In a Relationship" on her timeline. Had a full blown panic attack and experienced some of the worst emotional pain of my life. Cried off and on for a few hours, managed to pick myself and go to one class for school, but that's it. She's in another state for school, in a relationship with someone else, completely moved on and probably having a great time. Here I feel like a loser, unable to let go, hung up on her when she doesn't give a **** about me anymore, and apparently it took this for me to see it fully. I blocked her on Facebook, temporarily suspended my account, blocked and deleted her number from my phone, deleted her from Skype, got rid of her email. I don't even feel anger or bitterness towards her, just sad and angry at myself for not being able to make things work between us, and perpetually chasing after her when she wanted nothing to do with me. Yeah she used me in our relationship, she admitted to it as far back as May. And after that I should've done the right thing and said "see ya" and cut her from my life. And even when we worked together over the summer I should have stuck to Limited Contact and nothing else, but I didn't do any of that. I never want to feel this ****ing pathetic again, feeling this emotional pain over a girl who doesn't care about me. I'm done, never intend to talk to her again, and it doesn't feel good. I'm completely lost and hurt today.
Author Chris715 Posted September 12, 2013 Author Posted September 12, 2013 What about going and talking to someone? I texted my best friend about it. He offered to hang out tonight when he gets done with class so I dunno, might do that. This is probably the hardest day of my life in recent memory. Nowhere to go but up now, right?
Simon Phoenix Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 At some point you are just going to have to show some backbone and move forward from this. If I remember your story correctly, it's been nearly a year since the break and you have basically been stuck since. At what point do you just say enough is enough?
Author Chris715 Posted September 13, 2013 Author Posted September 13, 2013 Please learn from this. Any further contact with her will continue to be nothing more than a rock tied around your waist. I would still consider changing just 1 number in your phone number to make it impossible for her to contact you. Then at least, any further broken NC attempts will be in your control alone. Is that pretty easy to do? I'll look into it.
BarOfButter Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 Hang out with friends, surround yourself with people that care. It'll take your mind off of the one you're trying to keep NC, and you'll have people in real life supporting your NC endeavors. Each day gets easier as you go on. Dont keep your feelings all bottled up, talk to someone about it. You can do it!
BC1980 Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 I need to find a way to deal with this. I have enough self control (at least recently) to not text her and try to initiate anything, and this last week I thought I was doing OK with the NC. She sent me a text today, just something random and light hearted about her homework, and I caved after about 10 minutes of debate and responded. Tons of emotions right when I received the text and when I responded, which tells me that I haven't really moved on from her at all. A split second of shock seeing a message from her, then debating with myself briefly what to do and like I said, caving and breaking NC. I felt good at the time, because it shows that even after not seeing her for like 3 weeks now (when we stopped working together over summer) and her going out of state for school, she's still thinking about me, at least a little bit. On the other hand it set me back and I'm feeling pretty confused and kind of depressed tonight because of it. Blocking her number won't stop texts, will it? I've heard it stops phone calls but text messages can still get through. Tough night for me. I'm a loser with terrible self control who caved yet again. You could always just ask her not to contact you. That's what I ended up doing. On the other hand, I had gotten to the point where I was in control of my emotions and accepted the breakup. You sound like you are in a different place and maybe haven't really accepted this breakup. You need to accept it, so you can move on. One year later, and you should not be like this.
Author Chris715 Posted September 14, 2013 Author Posted September 14, 2013 You could always just ask her not to contact you. That's what I ended up doing. On the other hand, I had gotten to the point where I was in control of my emotions and accepted the breakup. You sound like you are in a different place and maybe haven't really accepted this breakup. You need to accept it, so you can move on. One year later, and you should not be like this. Yep, I know that a year later I shouldn't be like this. In fact, I think if I had gone complete NC after our break up I would either be completely over her by now and maybe with someone else, or we would be back together, because ultimately my chasing after her was what pushed her away altogether. Let's list all of the ****ing mistakes I've made regarding her in the past year: 1. After she broke up with me we immediately resumed contact and went into a psuedo-relationship type deal that ended up being VERY unhealthy for both of us. 2. When she went away for school and tried to push me away I pushed back, trying to stay in her life when I should've gone NC and tried to move on. 3. I continually tried to contact when she told me "we need a break from each other". I got angry, tried to be manipulative, etc. to get a response when she was silent towards me. 4. I basically dropped out of school last semester because I was near the point of obsessing over her and our break up, and the fact that she was moving on and becoming happy. So I had nothing else to hold my attention during that time. 5. After we started contact again and repeatedly fought, she basically admitted she just used me in our relationship. I should've said "**** you" at that point and walked, never turning back. But nope, I came back for more, and more, and more. 6. When we worked together over the summer I should've let things be and gone LC only when necessary. But no, I pushed for something more, trying to repair our "friendship" 7. Going into this fall even when she left for school again and hardly wanted anything to do with me, I tried to maintain some semblance of contact with her until a few days ago when I've virtually deleted every connection to her from my life... So yeah, it's been a hell of a 10 months for me. Lots of mistakes on my part, many on her's as well, and that's how I got to where I am now.
Eddy B Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 I need to find a way to deal with this. I have enough self control (at least recently) to not text her and try to initiate anything, and this last week I thought I was doing OK with the NC. She sent me a text today, just something random and light hearted about her homework, and I caved after about 10 minutes of debate and responded. Tons of emotions right when I received the text and when I responded, which tells me that I haven't really moved on from her at all. A split second of shock seeing a message from her, then debating with myself briefly what to do and like I said, caving and breaking NC. I felt good at the time, because it shows that even after not seeing her for like 3 weeks now (when we stopped working together over summer) and her going out of state for school, she's still thinking about me, at least a little bit. On the other hand it set me back and I'm feeling pretty confused and kind of depressed tonight because of it. Blocking her number won't stop texts, will it? I've heard it stops phone calls but text messages can still get through. Tough night for me. I'm a loser with terrible self control who caved yet again. It seems to me that you don't really know what you want to do in this situation. Make a decision and STICK TO IT, no matter what the emotions tell you. Another thing you might do is text her to stop contacting you.
Author Chris715 Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 (edited) Reading over my last post I realize that yeah, I have made a LOT of mistakes this last year, but I've also learned a lot from them too. Maybe that's something to take away from all the pain and heartache of this miserable break up. I'm only 22 years old and that was my first serious relationship and the first time I loved someone. And from it I've learned so much about relationships, break ups, women, people, and what I need to do to be a stronger person. The last year might have been the worst of my life, but I also think I've grown more in the last 12 months then the 20 years before it combined. And I still have a ways to go, with all the pain, mistakes, lessons, whatever you want to call it, motivating me to go forward. Trying to stay positive tonight. Thank you to the people on here who have given me advice and support so far. Edited September 15, 2013 by Chris715
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