margaery Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 So... Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years (one year long distance, two years living together). We now live apart because he's lied to me for several months about money, what he did was very bad, he couldn't seem to find a job where we lived (french speaking area, he can't speak french - but they speak dutch 30 mins away and that, he speaks) and I was tired of putting up with the lies and financial problems so I decided that we would not live together anymore until he is done with his studies (we're both students); and that I would not forgive him until he found a job... I don't know I think I should have left him at that point but we love each other so much, we share the same values/ideals and we really wanted to build a future together... I thought I should give him one chance to fix it... He still hasn't found a job though, but he looks like he's looking for one.... Well anyways now he lives with roommates in a student house, he has 2 female roommates and one male roommate. One of the girls has a total crush on him. Everything he told me about her points in that direction. She was kind of shy when she met him, one day they chatted for 1 hour while i was on call with him on skype and had to wait!! She invited him to go out with her and her friends once (he refused) and she added him to her facebook friends the day she met him (only roommate she added yet)... He described her to me as ''okay looking'' which is what he would say if she was good looking... He's not going to tell me '' oh yeah, she's attractive'' right? Anyways, I came to visit him once and made myself all pretty to kind of scare her off my boyfriend but she avoided us, I haven't seen her once, even though she was in the house. I met the other roommates, but not her! and then when i left she was asking my bf to fix her internet or something like that... suspicious, no? Of course I have some trust issues with my boyfriend now and I have a hard time believing anything he says. I just KNOW this girl is after my boyfriend there are just signs... And I'm scared. I'm also hurt that he's going to be with that girl, living with her, and not with me anymore! he's going to spend more time with her than with me it hurts, i don't know what to do. I don't even know if I should still be in this relationship in the first place:(
almond Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 This is tough. I guess the least painful option that's less likely to mess with your head, would be to end it. If that's not an option, I think you should let him be, wait it out, and see what happens. If he chooses to ditch you and hook up with her, then at least you'll know. You've asked him to move out and to work towards changing his behaviour, and he has expressed (I'm assuming) that he is committed to this. Now is when you'll find out whether you have a future or not. It's make or break time. He will either achieve his goals and you will reconcile, or he will fail. Third option is to get onto him about it, but I'm not sure that will solve anything...
SincereOnlineGuy Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 It reads as if you are trying to have your cake and eat it too! You are not this person's mother, you are supposedly his girlfriend (in the present). First you shooed him away for what are basically disciplinary reasons and now you are effectively protesting where he went. You either need to be "all-in" on this relationship or all-out. Now sure, I agree that his life and yours would be enhanced if he were to get a job, but when you are both students, one need not gauge somebody's entire potential as a human being to whether or not he runs right out to get a job. You had far too great a hand in creating the dissatisfaction you're feeling right now, and you probably know this. 1
darkmoon Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 (edited) ask him to move in with you, discuss all this, you will have to admit to having been a bit silly/young, idk, he must move back in with you, I rejected some1 who had a female lodger but he owns his flat (he thought this lodger was "sweet" he told me just that) live-in females are not great news Edited September 11, 2013 by darkmoon
Keenly Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 You kicked him out, so he did what he had to do, and noe you are mad because his new room.mate likes him? You sort of put yourself in this situation , and you really can't be mad at him . The problem is that of you were to move back in together, you'd still go back into mother.mode and kick him out again.
TheGuard13 Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 What signs are there that she is "after" your boyfriend? Crushes happen. There's a difference between crushing on someone's boyfriend and stealing someone's boyfriend.
AMusing Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 Is all the "evidence" of the roommate having a crush on your boyfriend coming from your boyfriend? If so, I would take anything he tells you with a grain of salt; he could potentially be "punishing" you for kicking him out by making you feel jealous (even if she does have a crush on him, he is likely playing it up). I'm guessing you know you need to break up with this guy, but don't quite have the fortitude to do it yet, so you are taking baby steps into dumping him. I was in your relationship when I was 18: living with a guy, "in love". Then he lied to me several times about major issues--including financial--so I kicked him out of my house. A few months later finally gathered the strength to actually dump him. Looking back, I knew all along I should've left him, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Trust me, if the lies he told you were as substantial as it sounds, you will not regret letting him go and moving on with your life.
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