I just want some , broke up with boyfriend of 3 years after he cheated

[Kouryu]

Hello guys,

I am new here. Have been reading some threads since I broke up with my boyfriend less than two weeks ago. I would really appreciate some advice and support (as my girl friend is already angry with me for constantly bringing this topic up).

So we have been together for 3 years. I am 25 and he is 28 years old, living together for 2.5 years. First 1.5 years were beautiful, we were so in love and happy together. Met each others parents, went on numerous holidays, gifts, romance, incredible sex etc

For me everything was good up until maybe 6 months ago, when we moved into our first studio flat together. He started staying out later with coworkers. I started suspecting something, since he put a lock on his phone (never did before). Then I confronted him one day to show me his phone, and there was a huge amount of texts and calls from one particular girl at work, so he confessed that he lied and went out on dates with her but didn't had sex with her, just for his ego, that it was nothing serious from his side and he wanted to get passion back which we once had between us, and she was just an easy girl. I asked him if he wanted to be with her, then he can move out, I will pay full rent myself, he said he loved me and that thing with a girl was stupid, so I asked him to delete her in all social media and her phone number as well. So he did. After that I got really suspicious, couldn't trust him no more, and he did nothing to gain my trust back, so we got in couple of fights, once when we fought I started to pack my bags and wanted to leave, he said that he will leave, I don't love you anymore, I cheated on you several times before that girl etc I was devastated. Next morning when I woke up, he made a cup of tea and said he was sorry, he said he contacted that girl again asking if he can stay at her place for a while, thinking that he will live. But he said he loved me and didn't want everything to end like that, we decided to work on our relationship and give it a last chance (stupid of me). He took me to his staff party at work, this girl was there waiting for him, when she saw me she left in tears and he was laughing at her, she texted him never to talk to her again and that he is cruel, he just replied OK. Everything went smoothly for past 3 months after that, we were happy again, going out, surprise parties for birthdays, love confessions. However he was telling me that I am exciting him sexually only sometimes. I tried to figure out what was wrong with me, because I thought I was really open minded and knew how to satisfy a man, I have a nice body, know how to do erotic massage, striptease, anything my man wanted (maybe that is my problem, trying to please him too much).

 

So about two weeks ago, we were at home after work, he was in a really good mood, I wasn't, I was all paranoid what was wrong with me, so my man doesn't want me anymore. So he wanted to have sex, I rejected him (I thought enough is enough, I'm not gonna do whatever he wants, whenever he wants) and went to sleep. Woke up to his texting that coworker girl again, telling her that I was just a tenancy agreement for him, that our relationship is none existent, that he still had feelings for her and when everything is over with me he will chase after her and he wants to give their relationship a second chance (what relationship?!), didn't sound like him at all, so desperate. Then he told me he doesn't love me anymore and wants to be single. I was crying whole night, while he was deeply asleep. Next morning I told him to pack and leave, that I will sort out our flat. After thinking and texting for an hour his friend agreed to let him stay with him for a while. So I was like okay go, I don't want to see you anymore. But he stayed, he was saying he couldn't imagine his life without me, that he has complicated feelings for me, that sometimes he really loves me, sometimes he hates me and that we need a week break in our relationship. I went to work, and texted him to tell me the truth if he still talks to that girl and if he likes her - he said yes. Next day, while he was at work I packed all my stuff and left to live with my girlfriend. He wasn't home until the next day, and he was devastated, calling and texting me, telling that he didn't want it to end like this, that I am love of his life, I ignored him. The next day he was still calling and texting, I agreed to met him. He was quite calm, telling me the same story again that he needed some space to sort out his feelings and he needs to be single, and that he loved me like never before, but we are breaking up and basically I can do whatever I want and he as well. Since then I saw him one more time and had some text messages exchanged with him.

 

I took everything pretty much okay, sometimes I cry, but I am really okay. The thing is I can't let go. I don't know why I love him so much, after him treating me like that, it's just plain stupid but I hope for him to come back, to realize that I am hundred times better than her and love him no matter what. He still says that he needs to sort out his feelings and life. I really want to see him... But I know this is so stupid and I am so scared he's going to fall in love with that other girl. He said it's still hurts for him to talk to me or see me, I don't know why he's saying that, I don't understand if he ever loved me at all. I know I need to ignore him and move on with my life, and not let him treat me like a second option, which I think he's trying to pull off, but I still can't do anything about my stupid brain.

[KeepItBoosted]

Your situation is not that much different than mine, except for the gender roles. After everything I've read on here and similar forums you need to sever him from your life go full NC and don't respond to anything he sends you. You will just prolong the grief. My ex pulled that same ****, trying to keep you strung along while they go out and see if there are better options, its the gigs syndrome. It will be hard but you need to do this, seems like the relationship wasn't meant to be. I tried, trust me I tried, I swallowed a lot of **** with my ex because I wanted it to work so bad between us. Now I see I was the only one really trying while she went out and did whatever the hell she wanted. Now she's emailing and texting me to talk and how sorry she is blah blah blah. Do you really want to be with someone who completely destroyed your trust and who could easily end it all because this one little temptation made them stray? They are not worth it. You and me both deserve better people, no matter how much we invested ourselves in what we thought was going to be there till the end. Sorry it had to happen, it's truly a devestating and misrable feeling but you'll pull yourself out and be stronger after all is said and done. Good luck!

[Kouryu]

To KeepItBoosted

 

Omg, thank you so much for kind words. I just wanted strangers opinion on this matter. It's so good knowing that you are not alone. I need to work really hard my temptation to text him. I decided I am stopping after today. Because he keeps repeating the same thing he told me million times, like I haven't moved on, you can do whatever you want, it's so painful for me but I need to sort out my life and feelings bla bla bla. Come on, be a man and tell me you found a new woman. But no, he makes it seem like he's letting me go but at the same time he's not. Honestly, I feel for you, this is so horrible treating someone you loved like that.