Dealing with guilt and needing forgiveness when it was mostly your fault?

[marina123]

In short, BF and I broke it off almost a month ago. It will be 3 weeks NC tomorrow. The break up was amicable. It was mainly due to some personal challenges I was facing which affected the relationship negatively. We agreed we would stay friends, but first take some time for ourselves. He said he does not think of anything that happened between us as bad...

 

I've been working on a relationship inventory as part of the healing process. I know it has not been that long and there are still emotions, but I honestly feel that I am the major cause for the end of the relationship. I look back and I realize that I hurt him quite a few times with my behavior. Some of the mistakes I made were due to lack of experience, others to unconscious beliefs and unprocessed pain, and the rest...

 

I feel immense guilt for what I did. I realize how wrong I was, how I hurt him. And I regret it and feel tremendously sorry. I am doing my best to deal with the issues that led to my actions and to learn from my mistakes. Still I feel terrible I hurt someone I love in such a way, someone who loved me and cared for me. He did not deserve what I did :"(

 

How do I deal with this guilt during the healing process? My first impulse was to ask him for forgiveness, but there is NC...I also realized that the toughest thing will be to forgive myself...I just don't know how I am supposed to heal with so much guilt eating at me? How am I supposed to forgive myself for what I did?

 

Any advice would be SO appreciated!

[todreaminblue]

first off ,welcome to what being human is,you made a mistake and it wont be the last mistake you ever make so if you realize that everyone makes mistakes people hurt the people closest to them because they are the ones who are around...do you know what makes you a good person ....

 

one is that guilt you feel, you hurt, because you hurt someone.....

 

the most important thing is you realize you wish you hadnt....(not because if you hadnt made a mistake you get something or have something back so not for personal gain)..that's remorse......

 

when people show true remorse they should be forgiven but the first person who needs to forgive you.......is you

 

(lol that one seems like a personal message to you and to myself and was prompted to write that one, straight from my heart to yours...forgive yourself guilt serves a purpose and that purpose is now finished......trust me......hugs...be good to you...smilin atcha...go on....now you smile back........theres your beginning........lol.....best wishes.:bunny: have some rabbits...;0)..deb

Edited September 10, 2013 by todreaminblue

[reddragon588]

Understand that it was not entirely your fault. It takes two for a breakup, just like it takes two to make a relationship to work.

 

You seem to have done a good job of finding what you may have done wrong in the relationship. We all make mistakes in relationships, do not beat yourself up.

 

Instead of looking it at as blame, or fault, or mistakes though- look at it as what they really are- learning opportunities. What have you learned from this, what changes to your life can you make to improve yourself from them?

 

You are on the right path! You are a human and you're learning and improving yourself. Keep being awesome!