bentleychic Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 I would NEVER encourage anyone to get in an affair. I would (and have) discourage it with all of my might and tell all of the negative things, the push and pull, the roller coaster of emotions, etc., etc., etc. I may not post all of the negatives here, but I figure most of you know them. Yes, I love MM and yes, I'm sticking it out for the time frame that I've committed to unless something happens to change that. I've not shared most of my story here and I doubt that I ever will for various reasons other than in private message possibly. (Mostly b/c if they came across it, it would be obvious who I was.) That does not in any way, shape or form mean that I encourage it nor that I "bask" in it or am trying to glorify it, as someone posted to me in another thread. Yes, I try to support people here that are trying to make their way through them b/c that's what I feel this board is about, but I in no way, shape or form think they're okay, good, yadda, yadda. That's all I wanted to say. 7
BrokenPrincess Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 There's no rule on this forum that states you have to be miserable to post. Even if you (general you) wanted to "bask" because you're feeling happy and loved in your A, I think you should feel safe to do that too. Yes most of us posting here are post A and trying to get over the heartache, but if I'd joined here while my A was in full swing, I probably would've sounded delirious with happiness because that's how I felt. Not saying thats how you've come across that way, but as we've all experienced the roller coaster, we need to be tolerant and respectful of others that may be in a different spot on the ride than we are and of those they may not want to just focus on the misery in every thread. 4
Red Wolverine Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 What's your deadline? Is it dependent on anything? Just curious. I think the glorify comment comes from the flippancy many OW have. On the one hand, many things done to the BS are horrible yet other components that add to the deception are posted as funny. I would imagine it's difficult for any reasonable person to understand. For a BS, it's probably like nails on a chalkboard to see the supposed lines many OWs claim they would never cross. Generally, once you've knowingly banged another woman's husband, there's nothing left to make light of. 9
Author bentleychic Posted September 10, 2013 Author Posted September 10, 2013 Thank you, BrokenPrincess. I'm definitely still in the middle of it, but not deliriously happy, either. LOL I'm not here to make anyone like me, as I said the other day and I say what I think/feel, but I definitely don't want to give the impression that I think A's are peaches and cream and great things to do.
Author bentleychic Posted September 10, 2013 Author Posted September 10, 2013 What's your deadline? Is it dependent on anything? Next Summer (a specific month that was given me at the beginning of our relationship before we even got involved). Yes, something specific needs to happen. As I've said, all proof (fb posts by both of them) right now is that it is headed towards that exact thing and as long as I continue seeing that progress made, I'm here (again, certain unforeseen things could absolutely change that) until/unless that day comes and goes without that event happening. That's as many details as I'm comfy posting in that regard. Sorry
MissBee Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 You've never come across that way to me, as someone basking in your affairs and recommending them or having some completely topsy-turvy view of life and relationships catered around justifying their affair. You seem pretty even-keeled and seem to hold normal ideas about affair relationships. I can relate to you from when I was an OW, other stories are more alien to me and very different from how I thought then and now and basically confirm that all OW are not the same and come with different mentalities, worldviews, values, issues and even instabilities. 3
GorillaTheater Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 I still say that you're too smart and cool to be caught up in a mess like this. And with all due respect I hope you wake up and realize it. You deserve better. 3
Author bentleychic Posted September 10, 2013 Author Posted September 10, 2013 Thank you MissBee. I'm glad I don't come off that way b/c that's not at all what I am purporting to be. Thanks GorillaTheater. Maybe some day. We shall see.
wrinkledforhead Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 I want to say thanks for being one of few to actually give me support and backing. I've never said I wanted to leave MM and its difficult seeing many people slam him, especially in ways that I know are not true. So, its refreshing for me to see your posts. I've never thought of you as basking. I see some similar mind sets (yours and mine) regarding the situations we're in. 1
ladydesigner Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 I still say that you're too smart and cool to be caught up in a mess like this. And with all due respect I hope you wake up and realize it. You deserve better. ^^^^This like a 1000 times Also you have been supportive to all sides of the triangle and that takes a big person, one who is not spiteful. 2
watergirl12 Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 Bentley, you don't have to defend yourself. This forum is supposed to be a place for those in these kind of relationships. Instead it is just a place for BS to come and bash. I think they outnumber the APs by 2-1. So you don't have to reveal tmi to strangers, I would like to tell you something. Email me please at [email protected]
MissBee Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 Bentley, you don't have to defend yourself. This forum is supposed to be a place for those in these kind of relationships. Instead it is just a place for BS to come and bash. I think they outnumber the APs by 2-1. So you don't have to reveal tmi to strangers, I would like to tell you something. Email me please at [email protected] Doesn't seem like Bentley feels like BSs are bashing her...but she could probably say for herself if this perception is true or not. But I find it interesting that it's usually OTHER people who try to convince OW they are being bashed when they haven't expressed those feelings themselves. It's one thing for a person to say they feel that way and another to chime in but it always confuses me when someone almost instigates drama by telling them people are bashing them or watch out for bitter people etc. when nothing of the sort was happening and the member was getting on fine with others. 1
Author bentleychic Posted September 11, 2013 Author Posted September 11, 2013 I don't even know who it was, to be honest. Lol wasn't someone that I've interacted with before, I don't think. I do appreciate the kind words, but mainly just wanted to post this in case I was giving off an impression that I was unaware of and unintended. 1
tinker683 Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 Frankly I'm not sure why you're giving it as much time as you are. You seem miserable and unhappy with the way things are right now. Life's too short dear to continue wasting your time on someone who is treating you like an option. Drop this bag of bricks and take charge! 1
Author bentleychic Posted September 11, 2013 Author Posted September 11, 2013 I always emjoy your perspective and never felt youwere basking. I think its unforunate that he validity or legitimacy of your relationship, life and future is being gaged by facebook posts. Its not right that you have to gage the honesty of your partners claims by facebook. How can any crumb you see on there possibly be "proof"? Oh it's definitely not being gauged only by that. However, many people on here that say unless you see it right from the BS's mouth, you can't believe it. It sure is nice to see the timeline going along the way I've been told it is through her own words as well.
ladydesigner Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 Bentley, you don't have to defend yourself. This forum is supposed to be a place for those in these kind of relationships. Instead it is just a place for BS to come and bash. I think they outnumber the APs by 2-1. So you don't have to reveal tmi to strangers, I would like to tell you something. Email me please at [email protected] Wow:confused: I think it is often refreshing to see all the sides. Not one person's relationship, marriage or affair is even like another. Most of the time us BS's will give our side because I think it helps OW same with OW to BS. LS is a great support and I see OW/OM,MW/MM, BS often supporting one another. Sometimes a chord may be struck with those who are more emotional about their situation. It's not easy for any of us it seems or we wouldn't be here. I try to offer a perspective from both fWS and BS points of views. No one has to agree with me. I think everyone can take what they need and leave out the rest on their own. 1
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