Trying Times

[KeepItBoosted]

Hello to whoever reads this,

This is my first post here and I just signed up after reading a couple threads.

Let me introduce myself, my name is Nick and I am 27. I am currently attending school to get my bachelors in Computer Science.

Well, lets start I guess...

I was in a relationship for 5 years, I was 22 and she was 20. I wasn't expecting to fall for her at all, I guess that's when it usually happens. I was enjoying my single life, I lived up in the mountains with some friends for a while, snowboarding everyday, doing whatever I wanted, with whoever I wanted. It was a blast. Well, we met through a mutual friend's birthday and I decided to talk to her. We clicked and started seeing more and more of each other as the weeks passed. I eventually moved back to my old area, where she also lived, and decided to make it official. The relationship was great, I knew she was going to be in my life for a long time, I could just sense it. We had our ups and downs like every relationship but it was healthy, loving, and supportive. We traveled together, road trips together flew by because we would have so much fun just the two of us. She helped me get my act together with school, which was something I needed, and I helped her with her confidence as a personal trainer and a person. She had a negative self-image because of her struggle with weight when she was in high school and beginning of college. I didn't realize this until a little bit into out relationship. I thought she was the most gorgeous woman I had ever seen inside and out, she lost a lot of weight before me but still had a negative image of herself. She had her own apartment, I was still living with my parents, so I would stay at her place the majority of the time, buying groceries, cleaning and such to help out since I couldn't afford rent or to move in with her. We decided to live with my parents to save up money to get our own place, this lasted for a little under a year, we were around the 4 year mark of our relationship. Well, that didn't last too long as four people who have differing views under the same roof tends to create tension. It got to a point where we were unhappy in our relationship, as well as the relationship between my parents and I. We needed to move! So we did, I got a job while going to school, both her and my parents helped out with rent as well. So we were not completely independent. Everything was going great! At least through my eyes. Our relationship strengthened, we were more loving and friendly and did things together more often. I was loving every minute of it. She decided to change where she was working to a more reputable facility, she got hired immediately. This is where my story begins to turn. The fitness manager, who's 37, hired her and she told me about how everyone there is so nice and how much she enjoys working there. Well, almost a year of us living together she comes home one night and says we need to talk. She needs some space and time to get herself back and wanted me to find myself as well. I was hurt, and extremely taken back because she never really eluded to any of this. Now looking back I see the signs were there but at the time I was just blind to it. Well, I agreed and slowly moved back to my parents house. I bought relationship books, read forums, and did all the things I thought necessary to save this relationship. I didn't beg, plead, or contact her. Only when she contacted me would I respond. I was feeling good about the whole situation, thinking that she was doing exactly what I was doing because she would tell me that she is getting to a better place within herself. Well, I find out that she is really taking a liking to the fitness manager who hired her(37 yo.). I was kicked down, but I sucked it up and tried to be ok with it because I wanted this to work so bad. She said she hadn't slept with anyone and only been on a couple dates. I had also went on a few dates, completely innocent, just to try and ease the pain a little. This lasted for about 2 months of us going to dinner once or twice a week, picnics, staying the night at our old apartment and making love. She reassured me that she was falling in love with me all over and that she wanted to make this work whenever I was ready to recommit. I was beside myself, it worked, we would be stronger than ever now! HaHa, what a load. We go to dinner last Friday and she slips up, said she had sex with one of her coworkers not the fitness manager. I got sick, but I maintained and didn't show it. I told her I also had sex with one of my dates, I didn't but I wanted the whole truth. She felt relieved and told me that the first date she told me about she also had sex with him, this was only a week after out "break". She proceeded to tell me how much she is into her fitness manager and that she didn't have sex with him because she felt there was something special there. I was just floored, I couldn't take it anymore. I confessed that I had not slept with anyone and couldn't imagine being intimate with anyone else. She was shocked to say the least. I told her it was over, I don't want her to ever contact me, and I don't ever want to see her again. I dropped her of, she was sobbing, I kissed her on her forehead and told her I loved her so much and that I hope she finds whatever she is looking for. I finally lost it on the way home. I had to pull over and I couldn't stop crying, thinking of everything she said to me about us and how it was only ever me. Why would she do this to me is all I could think. So, It's been a 11 days NC and I have had my fair share of ups and downs. Yesterday I receive an E-Mail from her, instead of just deleting I read it. She is apologetic, but not very sincere, she says she wants to try again blahblahblah. I delete it, it hurts but I'm okay. Today at work I get a txt from her saying how sorry she is, and how she just needs to know if we can talk or try again or if it's over. I delete it. Another text asking me to please respond, i delete it. Why the hell can't she just leave me alone, I've been doing ok not hearing from her at all, out of sight out of mind. Now I have class and all I can think of are the texts and E-Mail. I hate this, I want to hate her, I want to pound it in my head that what she did was so fked up and I need to just let go. But i cant

[lovesucks76]

Sorry man, that sucks. Very tough!! You guys were so young when you met. She obviously was ready to explore other relationships for whatever reason. The main thing is you do what's best for you right now. Try to think logically and you will find all your answers. Good luck!

[KeepItBoosted]

thanks man, yea I'm stickin to my guns...she has so far sent me two more txt's in which i didn't even look at just deleted. Feels kinda good actually.

[Salvatore85]

The odd thing is there are quite a few people that would kill to be in your situation, crazy right? You're doing the correct thing and I have also accepted the fact that what my ex did while we were broken up but still trying to work on things basically destroyed any chance of fixing it. Stand your ground and don't give in. If she can do this to you now she can do it 10 years down the road when you're married with kids. I would say good luck but you really seem to have your head on straight bro.

[KeepItBoosted]

Yea, thats the hardest part is coming to terms with that fact that its pretty much irreconcilable. I do think about the fact that she did it now as opposed to years from now, if we were married, had kids etc. Trust me that makes it 10x easier. I still miss the hell out of that girl, and I know it's going to be a while, but what more can someone do? I go out with friends, I've been on a few dates, I'm getting back to the old Nick that was before I met her. Some days it can be pretty brutal, but I'm no ones doormat. I also have a pretty good instinct about things. When she sat me down that night, I had a strong feeling it was because of someone else, of course she denied it up and down though. I am a very trusting person, once you give me a reason to loose that trust you just burned that bridge with me. She knew that about me, and yet she still tried to pull all this ****. Her loss, I was a damn good guy to her and would've done most anything to make her happy.

[KeepItBoosted]

So watching Sons of Anarchy last night was kinda rough, that was one of our shows we watched religiously since it's inception. While sitting there through commercials I definitely let my mind wander. I don't want to stop watching things that we used to watch together, although hard sometimes I think it's kind of a good thing to get that aspect back for myself. For some reason I still don't have a desire to watch Dexter, which was one of my favorite shows. I got another text from her this morning, I'm guessing it had to do with SOA. Deleted immediately, I have made a conscious effort to not read anything else she decides to send and just delete it right away. Still continuing to inch forward one day at a time. Now that I think of it, I've been doing a lot of things we did together but haven't really noticed it effecting me. I gave her so much of myself, and I can't really think of much she has left me with. I introduced her to sushi, snowboarding, golfing, whiskey drinks, good food, cooking, the list goes on. I still do all of that without her and don't find it hard. The TV shows though, still kinda rough for me. She is a personal trainer and we used to work out all the time together, and do 5K and 10K runs. I am working out harder than ever now and I never seem to think about it when I'm at the gym. I guess it's a good thing, but I find it kinda sad that it doesn't effect me like I think it should. Maybe I'm moving on faster than I thought?

[Mariposa10]

So watching Sons of Anarchy last night was kinda rough, that was one of our shows we watched religiously since it's inception. While sitting there through commercials I definitely let my mind wander. I don't want to stop watching things that we used to watch together, although hard sometimes I think it's kind of a good thing to get that aspect back for myself. For some reason I still don't have a desire to watch Dexter, which was one of my favorite shows. I got another text from her this morning, I'm guessing it had to do with SOA. Deleted immediately, I have made a conscious effort to not read anything else she decides to send and just delete it right away. Still continuing to inch forward one day at a time. Now that I think of it, I've been doing a lot of things we did together but haven't really noticed it effecting me. I gave her so much of myself, and I can't really think of much she has left me with. I introduced her to sushi, snowboarding, golfing, whiskey drinks, good food, cooking, the list goes on. I still do all of that without her and don't find it hard. The TV shows though, still kinda rough for me. She is a personal trainer and we used to work out all the time together, and do 5K and 10K runs. I am working out harder than ever now and I never seem to think about it when I'm at the gym. I guess it's a good thing, but I find it kinda sad that it doesn't effect me like I think it should. Maybe I'm moving on faster than I thought?

 

 

First of all, let me congratulate you for not getting back with her. I don't think it has affected you that much because she still keeps contacting you... I think it'll hit you when she stops... that's my opinion.

[KeepItBoosted]

First of all, let me congratulate you for not getting back with her. I don't think it has affected you that much because she still keeps contacting you... I think it'll hit you when she stops... that's my opinion.

 

I think you are right, and I think it's really starting to sink in. Pretty sure after her last attempt to get back together with me, which was on Sunday last week, she is done. I have been having a real struggle with myself lately to stay NC. It is really starting to wear on me because I know in my mind what she did hurt me really bad. And how she went about stringing me along basically destroyed any chance of us reconcilling anytime soon. But the heart still wants to reach out, I miss her but it's gotten better. I have been on a few casual dates, to which I don't think about her when I am with someone else.

 

I had a dream about her the other night, we got back together and nothing changed, she went back to being distant with me and I said enough is enough and left again. I didn't feel sad, or upset when I woke up. I felt almost indifferent and thought maybe that was a sign from my subconcious showing me that if I followed my heart things would go right back to where they were just a few months ago.

 

I know these next few months will try me but I am prepared, and will not give in. Sometimes I just need a few words of encouragment.