stormy_1011 Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 So I've been dating this guy 'officially' since June 25 but we started hanging out in May. He is 44 and I just turned 40. Things were great at first until we went to have sex. Well, the first time he lost his erection. Since then, we've had successful sex ONCE and it was only a few minutes long. The other two times we tried, he was 'too hot' or 'got a cramp' and that was the end of it. I'm not sure I can do this anymore. I am a VERY sexual woman. I used to only date younger men for that reason, cause they had no problem doing it multiple times a DAY. I feel horrible cause about thinking this way but I NEED sex!! It also makes me feel super unattractive as that has never happened to me before (people say I am gorgeous and guys are always hitting on me). On top of the sex issue is that we've never had a sleep over (he has a 14 yr old that lives with him), and now that school has started I see him only on Sundays after 5 for a few hours (he has a 11 year who he has on weekends). Also, I barely talk to him on weekends, sometimes it takes 8 hours for him to get back to me when I know he's at home sitting on the couch. I keep asking myself, what's the POINT! He says he 'really likes me' but I am not really seeing this. Ugh I feel like I know what I have to do here, just wanted some other people's opinions. Thanks in advance
MidwestUSA Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 You do know what you have to do. I've been there. I was shocked that a man in his 50s had basically given up on sex, and expected to find a woman who could live without it (or maybe he has by now). Don't compromise on this, he's obviously not into pleasing a woman, and he's too old to learn new tricks. I used to think that guys who couldn't 'perform' with the little head would be more into overall pleasing me in other ways. NOT. It was as if he figured 'I can't get mine, why should she get hers?'. It took me eight years of dating to find a man who can keep up with me, so there is hope. For you too! (LOL at the 'few minutes'. I now refer to my experience as 'Mr. Five Thrusts') Just tell him what you told us. You're a very sexual being and it's not something you can compromise on. Good luck!
CherryT Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 It sounds like you both are just incompatible. You have needs and he's not fulfilling them. You're also in different areas of your life... he still has young teens in his house who is top priority. Whereas you're willing to give a bit more. I think you're right, what's the point? You wait all week to spend time with him and when you do, it's not fulfilling for you. It's OK to break up with him if you're not feeling it anymore. He may "really like you" but it doesn't sound like you really like him or at least not the way the relationships is. 1
MidwestUSA Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 PS: I did have to go younger. I'm 51, he's 46.
Author stormy_1011 Posted September 10, 2013 Author Posted September 10, 2013 Just tell him what you told us. You're a very sexual being and it's not something you can compromise on. Good luck! PS: I did have to go younger. I'm 51, he's 46. Thanks that was my thinking as well. SOME 40 year old men are horny lil devils and some are not I guess. I know what I have to do. I hate breaking up lol
MidwestUSA Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 Thanks that was my thinking as well. SOME 40 year old men are horny lil devils and some are not I guess. I know what I have to do. I hate breaking up lol You know, I still amuse myself thinking about him and his subsequent awkward moments with new women when the clothing comes off, LOL. I mean, I actually bothered a urologist friend to get some Viagra for this guy! (He wouldn't take it, because then he might HAVE TO aim to please). Be true to yourself first and foremost. You'd get more commitment from a good bird dog!
Ninjainpajamas Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 I don't know why women feel insecure if a man can't perform....have you seen the type of women that men sleep with? 400 pound wooly mammoth spewed from the underworld and men "miraculously" maintain their erections as they push their ugly children along in their strollers. It's obviously not working on any level, I don't know if you're waiting for a sign from god or the universe or whatever it is, but I hopefully you'll make it happen soon on your own.
Author stormy_1011 Posted September 10, 2013 Author Posted September 10, 2013 It's obviously not working on any level, I don't know if you're waiting for a sign from god or the universe or whatever it is, but I hopefully you'll make it happen soon on your own. You are right, not sure what exactly I am waiting for, it's only gonna get worse too instead of better. We should be doing it like bunnies in this stage of the game not not doing it like 90 yr olds :S I think i will go back to men between 28-35 LOL they seem the most energetic
Kelly15 Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 What's the problem, it's only been a few months, most likely it will only get worse with time. Get out now before you have deep feelings.
Brown-Eyez Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 So I've been dating this guy 'officially' since June 25 but we started hanging out in May. He is 44 and I just turned 40. Things were great at first until we went to have sex. Well, the first time he lost his erection. Since then, we've had successful sex ONCE and it was only a few minutes long. The other two times we tried, he was 'too hot' or 'got a cramp' and that was the end of it. I'm not sure I can do this anymore. I am a VERY sexual woman. I used to only date younger men for that reason, cause they had no problem doing it multiple times a DAY. I feel horrible cause about thinking this way but I NEED sex!! It also makes me feel super unattractive as that has never happened to me before (people say I am gorgeous and guys are always hitting on me). On top of the sex issue is that we've never had a sleep over (he has a 14 yr old that lives with him), and now that school has started I see him only on Sundays after 5 for a few hours (he has a 11 year who he has on weekends). Also, I barely talk to him on weekends, sometimes it takes 8 hours for him to get back to me when I know he's at home sitting on the couch. I keep asking myself, what's the POINT! He says he 'really likes me' but I am not really seeing this. Ugh I feel like I know what I have to do here, just wanted some other people's opinions. Thanks in advance You sound sorta angry..I wouldn't take it so personally that he's not a good lover So if you do decide to BU with him I suggest you do it when you aren't feeling so entitled (like he owes you good sex) that would just be mean Everyone has their personal preferences and maybe someone else would be cool with this style, who knows?
Dallers Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 (edited) In relation to you personally, it sounds like a situation that cannot improve because it is not you that has the problem here. Similar to someone I was seeing when the spark went there is nothing you can do to change that, she tried everything to get me in the mood and she really was amazing to go to all the effort she did but it just did not work. Chemistry is key and without sex no matter what anyone says it is a vital part of a healthy relationship. If it is just (Man Related) this can happen to men at any age. God when I go through my cutting phase my libido is just non existent. You do not need viagra to cheat your johnson into performing he needs to make real changes to his body. Take Horny Goat Weed and Tribulus 3 times a day. Increase his intake of Amino's either by supplement or protein shake Eat a LOT of meat especially red meat and steak. Exercise, Exercise, Exercise no excuses with this one men need muscle, it is more than just for show. I know myself personally when I was really fat and out of shape I was not happy with myself, and when a man has low self esteem his testosterone can just vanish and it completed destroyed my ability to perform and I lost my girlfriend at the time because I just gave up and stopped caring. Now I control my libido by making sure that I stay in control of my body. He needs to do the same. Any man, any age should be taking care of himself. If that is not the problem then it is time to go your separate ways. Edited September 10, 2013 by Dallers
ChessPieceFace Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 They have all kinds of pills for that now.
Author stormy_1011 Posted September 12, 2013 Author Posted September 12, 2013 They have all kinds of pills for that now. Yea that's true but that's only one of our problems. I ended it anyway, so no longer matters.
MidwestUSA Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 Yea that's true but that's only one of our problems. I ended it anyway, so no longer matters. Congrats and better luck next time. Thanks for the update!
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