snowflakes88 Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 To live with his FATHER, who according to OP, lives close by. If I had a child and was separated from his/her mother, I would NOT want my kid living with some strange man that my ex barely knows. And YES, he is a strange man to me when I dont know who the guy is and my ex has barely been dating this guy for any amount of time to truly vet him. This is something Id go to family court over personally. Especially with how some people out there treat kids. Young kids ALWAYS come first when it comes to a parents dating life. At least thats how I will treat things if Im ever a single parent. Id want my kids to be acquainted with someone I was dating for at least half a year before I even slightly thought about bringing them into my household. And that 6 months doesnt count the month or two Id be dating them before I let them meet my kids. Id at least wanna get to know them on my own for a couple months before getting my kids in the mix. Uh, yes... I get all of that, and I'd do the same if I were the father. I don't think you understood my post at all. What I don't get is encouraging a mother to pass her child off to his father, just in case her new boyfriend doesn't like having a kid around. Like the child is just a puppy -- some nuisance to be discarded. I fail to see how that is a better option than staying put with her child (and without the bf).
kaylan Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 Uh, yes... I get all of that, and I'd do the same if I were the father. I don't think you understood my post at all. What I don't get is encouraging a mother to pass her child off to his father, just in case her new boyfriend doesn't like having a kid around. Like the child is just a puppy -- some nuisance to be discarded. I fail to see how that is a better option than staying put with her child (and without the bf). Ok, I get your point. But I think people are only saying to let the child spend more time with the dad if OP is intent on moving in with her bf this soon. Id rather that then the kid live with some new adult male s/he barely knows too soon.
emva07 Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 You already made the mistake of moving in with a guy too quick and that didn't end well because it never had a foundation. Why do you want to do this again? Is it because you are 31? Maybe you want to have another child by a certain age? I don't understand why you are putting your need for a man before your child. I understand you have needs as a woman, but geez, give your son more time to adapt to this new situation. Do you even know if this guy would be a good stepfather or treat him like crap? I ask because my mom did this, my stepdad was sooo nice for the like 2 months they dated, as soon as they married he was horrible to me and verbally and physically abusive to her. I resented my mom for choosing her need for a man over me for the longest time. As a grownup she had a choice to stay with a man that hit her, as a child, I didn't. She just figured stepdads hate their stepchildren, oh well, what can you do? Why are you so rushed to move in with this guy?
Mint Sauce Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 how about he moves in with you for a little while to see how that works? I'm sure he can survive the extra time commuting for a limited period. That's the way we did it: I moved in with her (albeit living from my suitcase) about 9 months ago. Now we know it works, and it goes well between me and her daughter, so they'll move in with me and we'll rent her house out.
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