dntl841 Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 Here is some background. I dated this awesome girl for about 6 months (after coming out of a six year relationship). Things were great but over time I became complaisant and neglectful. I started working more and just became unavailable. My girlfriend felt I didnt want to spend time with her anymore and that I simply stopped caring. For this reason she broke up with me. That said, she tells me that she wants us to have the month to figure out whether we both want this relationship still and to sort things out. I realized where I went wrong, but I am finding that I am developing a weird needy ex syndrome. Im frustrated by the fact that Im always texting first and initiating contact, but again, I was neglectful before so it could just be expected. How should I deal with this? Should I just cut off contact or minimize it? what do I do? thanks for any advice
StrongLass Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 She broke it off so it's on her to reach out to you if she really wants this. Don't ignore her when she does contact you but don't respond to everything she says instantly either. Needy isn't an attractive look (and anyone who thinks it is should seek help) 1
r321148 Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 She has given you a timescale of a month. I think you should respect her wishes during this time otherwise you risk just pushing her away further. Use the month to think about what you want and where things went wrong for you in this relationship. Also think about whether you REALLY want her back or if you became neglectful because your heart wasn't fully in the relationship? At the end of it you can have a heart to heart and see where you both stand. It may be that one or both of you decide it isn't going to work but at least you'll be able to discuss the reasons and get some closure.
Author dntl841 Posted September 10, 2013 Author Posted September 10, 2013 Thank you for the replies, I agree regarding the space and letting her just contact me. It is just really hard because I am second guessing myself and feel like this is a test to see if I can pull things together and be a better guy.
heartshaped Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 I think this is a difficult situation because usually as the dumpee I would recommend you to limit or minimize contact. However, if her issues with you were that you weren't spending enough time with her or that you didn't care about her I think minimizing contact would hurt your case. At this point, I think if you want to be with her your objective should be showing her that you do care and you will make time for her. I wouldn't be overly pushy with it, but if she responds to contact and seems interested in seeing each other I would make it a habit to text/call everyday and see each other maybe once or twice a week.
r321148 Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 I agree that it might hurt going for no contact but I think in this case where she has specifically specified a month to decide then this should be respected. I can't see her being thrilled by being shown affection when she has already said she wants time to think even if she has identified this as the problem. Maybe just go to low contact; reply politely to anything she sends you and send her something every now and again but without being invasive or pushy. Use the month to focus on you and what you want. Do you actually want the relationship or were you just trying to fill the hole left by your previous? You say you became unavailable....did you do this because you weren't really that into her? If it was the work that was really the problem then is this likely to change? Can you either work less or can she accept that you need to work long hours?
Author dntl841 Posted September 11, 2013 Author Posted September 11, 2013 Well, the thing with working so much was because at the end of the month I am interviewing for a position that I really want and if I get it I will no longer have access to the overtime hours I have been working. I saw working those hours as a chance to save money for the future. Sadly I cancelled dates, etc. She knows I regret it now and that I am paying for neglecting her. I cant get a guage on her and her feelings, but I feel like I cant be running to her non stop. It sucks, I texted her back yesterday after I was off of my shift, but she hasnt said anything back to my reply. Not sure whether to just hold off on texting her or just let her come to me. I know that if I push it will come off as needy and I dont want to turn her off. I just want to be with her now, no extra work, no anything but it feels like it is too late and too far gone.
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