onlineonly Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 Hello, I just wanted to ask some advice from experienced people who have been there/done that... I was together with my ex (she is 20, I'm 22) for 4 years. First 3 years were quite good. We were extremely close and things were fine (but not moving forward), I didn't put much effort in this relationship, I wasn't supporting her like I should have + she was extremely insecure. The past year was absolute nightmare.. We barely meet (once a week), I had serious financial issues and I just didn't had time for her. Eventually she broke up with me (not saying anything) and simply entering into new relationship. At first 4-5 weeks I was a complete wreck. I didn't know what to do, I called her, begged her, gave her gifts etc... I said I wanted to turn things around and move on with our relationship (moving together was my first plan). I admitted that I wasn't the best boyfriend, but I have had time to analyze this and therefore I know what I did wrongly. But nothing helped.. She only told me that she wants to SEE that I'm changed, not to HEAR that I'm changed. At first week she completely ignored me and when I finally started to be more mature, give her gifts, didn't talk about the relationship etc then she went much more softer towards me. We started to chat on daily basis, but she still didn't want to "try" with me again. In the meantime I managed to get myself a job, go back to gym etc.. I'm far from being perfect, but I'm improving myself. At some point, I think 2 weeks ago I told her that it's enough and I'm not willing to be a "backup plan". I told her that I accept her decision, but we should keep low contact if no contact at all. At first she didn't want to accept that and called me/messaged me all the time, but I just didn't answer. Then after NC of 3-4 days she wanted to meet. We met and she said she still have strong feelings for me and if I could just give her few more weeks to get herself straight. I just said "We'll see" and went back to NC since she was still not doing ANYTHING at all to get back together with me. 5 days ago I went clubbing and I saw her too. I tried to ignore her, but she followed me and I was drunk & stupid enough to listen what she has to say. This is what she said to me, literally: A) I want to you B) I want to have a future with you + I want to move together with you. (she looked sincere btw, but maybe she just tried to force me to not move one with another girl.. I'm not sure) I answered that this is impossible since you are together with someone else. I told her that I'm not going to be your friend nor going to talk with you unless you breakup with him and really take some actions. Then she told me this: A) I really want to dump him, but I don't know how. I just hope he realizes that I'm not into him and that I'm into YOU. This made me pretty mad and I told her: "Fair enough... I don't want to listen to this anymore, I just want to have a good night. Plus, I'm not interesting in talking to you unless you take serious actions. I'm not interested in hearing "I love you, I want you" unless you really mean it. So, this was basically 5 days ago... Since then we have been in NC... I'm already getting better, I'm not checking her FB/insta pics on daily basis and some days are pretty good, but then again I will start to think about her and go into deep depression. I guess I'm still not over her, because about the words she told me. Anyhow. What should be my next steps? Do I have chance to get her back? I'm obviously trying to move on and it's doable, but extremely hard right now. We are also seeing eachother in the uni, like 1 times a week. Cheers!
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