tattoomytoe Posted November 23, 2004 Posted November 23, 2004 you need to focus all your energy on you, allen. maybe all this obsessing is to not be reminded of yourself. if you are constantly worring about other things, you cannot think to much about you. i think you need to start thinking outside your "box". meaning change the way the process and recieve information. hopefully you are doing this in therapy. i am guessing you are in your early 20's (24?)...and let me tell you there are ging to be a lot of things changing in your life, wanted or not. try and be open to the changes, try to understand and see all sides of something before making a decision or judgement, try giving people the benifit of teh doubt the first time, be more forgiving.....these are all things i have learned in 3 years..not hard stuff, but you have to do them for real. and it really has helped. i hope you see this as helpful advice and not a do or die lecture. it is stuff that helped me with my relationships, my depression, and how i function.
Author allen10981 Posted November 23, 2004 Author Posted November 23, 2004 I understand what all of you are saying... I just hurt so bad for so many reasons... when i was with elise she abused me emotionally, physically, and mentally, im disgusted by the fact i decided to give that to her... Allison gave hers to someone who showed her no love... and its like i sit there and am so frustrated she let it happen to her after ive had it done to me too... Ive been lied to, cheated on, and deceived 4 times in a row, and maybe i just dont see what i have in front of me... ive never been able to keep relationships since elise for many reasons, trust, non-virginity, and lots of other things, but its so hard to just say its over, too bad nothing you can do... i want to be special with allison... i want a feeling on every level that neither of us have had before... i just want to be happy, i dont wanna hurt anymore... i dont wanna cry anymore, and i dont want to be miserable.... and im 19... not 24 sorry hehe... this is just how i feel, this is what i think... im trying to learn to break this...
tattoomytoe Posted November 23, 2004 Posted November 23, 2004 cool! so glad we can have a respectful convo now. one step in the right direction. these are the thing you need to work out in therapy. and take full advantage of this therapy...i really regret not using my therapists right, but i was forced to go, so i was nonreceptive to everything, i lied to them. so tell them everything! i think you should kinda chill with the girl, let her know you are getting yourself together, not breaking apart....but just not being sooo serious. and being 19...i know you have heard it, but you are too young to be so morbidly serious about life yet....wait a few more years.
ntovrhm Posted November 23, 2004 Posted November 23, 2004 Everyone has things in their past that they regret. Your girlfriend does, you do. Don't be too hard on yourself, and certainly DO NOT BE TOO HARD ON HER! Counseling should help you effectively learn to deal with you issues, and teach you how to handle your focus on your girlfriend's past. You will learn to leave the past in the past, and move on from there. Tattoomytoe is right. These issues, when you really analyze them, are too insignificant to warrant such obsession. Your trust issues because what has happened in your past can hold you back, and that is something you should focus on. Straighten yourself out now, then when you have the real hard issues to deal with in the future, you will be better prepared.
Author allen10981 Posted November 23, 2004 Author Posted November 23, 2004 I know what your saying, i know maybe i might be too young, but i wanna be sure im too young first.. This girl is wonderful in every way, we used to work together a few years back and she was my boss and she always used to give me a special bit of attention and leniency shes liked me for almost 2 years but i was always too young... once she found out i was legal that was it, she was went right after me... it just seems like this was meant to be... i remember her telling me one day that she was doing her job and i was whining about my break around 2 years ago and she heard something say to her "your gonna be with him one day"... She never has felt this way before for anyone, even her best friends say that, she offered me her heart and soul, which she has never done, and she even offered certain physical things to me that she would NEVER have even let become a topic of conversation because she would never do anything that caused her pain for another persons pleasure She always used to feel shame when having sex before me, she didnt know sex was supposed to feel good, which is probably why she only did it a handful of times in such a period. With me she said she doesnt feel shame, and that shes never felt anything so nice in her life... shes a very special girl, and i just want to be good for her... and thank you guys... im gonna go to work now, ill let you know how it all goes day by day...
GirlDown Posted November 23, 2004 Posted November 23, 2004 Originally posted by allen10981 i want to be special with allison... i want a feeling on every level that neither of us have had before... it can still be special.... it so does not have to be about sex. you can have feelings for each other that reach a whole new level, feelings that maybe neither of you had for someone else. every person i have loved, i have loved differently. the sex, as much as it's an important aspect of a relationship, was never the deciding factor.
Charlane Posted December 5, 2004 Posted December 5, 2004 You know what? It's really none of any guy's damn business how many guys a girl has slept with. A guy can say that he only slept with 2 girls all day long and it doesn't make it so. Forget the double standard and either tell him it's none of his business or tell him you slept with the identical number of persons that he did.....ironically. Some things are better left unsaid.
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