allen10981 Posted November 18, 2004 Posted November 18, 2004 Ive been with my girlfriend for 4 months now. Ive known her for 3 years and have worked with her for 2. She was my boss at one time and she always had a little something for me, as did i for her, but she was with someone for 3 years and so was i. Shes 22 and im 19, and i have a problem that bothers me and i just cannot understand why She has only been with one other guy, for anything past a simple touch and feel, and for ANYTHING was only with 2. Ive been with like 4 girls and like 8 past a simple touch and feel. Why does that knowledge shes been with ONE guy bother me... It shouldnt because of what ive done too, but it does, and a lot at some points? Please help because I know id never find anyone better for me, and I dont want this simple thing to ruin it.
tanbark813 Posted November 18, 2004 Posted November 18, 2004 Man, if she's 22 and only done anything with 2 other guys in her whole life, then that's less than 99% of the girls out there. Consider yourself lucky. If she had been with 20 guys, then maybe you'd have something to complain about (operative word here, "maybe"), but 2? Come on...
Scarlett_girl Posted November 18, 2004 Posted November 18, 2004 i'm 20 and have "been" with 3 guys....i don't understand what the big problem is..a girl is with too many guys, then she's a slut..not enough guys isnt good either now?? i'm confused!! what do you want from us!!!
ps123 Posted November 18, 2004 Posted November 18, 2004 Are you nervous that since shes only been with a few men, that she might date you for a while, but then wonder what else is out there and leave you to find out? Just a thought.
bluechocolate Posted November 19, 2004 Posted November 19, 2004 Originally posted by DJ_Dork allen don't be a hypocrite Who says politeness pays? i have a problem that bothers me and i just cannot understand why Sorry, me neither. I've never understood this one. Maybe some guys who have felt the same way will tell you how they dealt with it. Just remember, whatever you decide to do, this is your problem. Don't lay it on her. If you decide to end it do not tell her it's because she's not a virgin.
JoL Posted November 19, 2004 Posted November 19, 2004 youre a hypocrite. In this day and age it astounds me that men can be so full of it as to be jealous of a girls past, when their own past is 10 times worse. Get over it, or leave her alone and find a virgin. Or then will you be upset that she held hands with someone else?
allen1098 Posted November 19, 2004 Posted November 19, 2004 Ok let me clear a few things up The reason I am bothered is on BOTH of our parts. I love this girl in ways ive never felt before (and i have experience in love), and I wish that both of us had waited. Losing ones virginity is a special thing, be it male or female, and when you love someone so deeply, you wish you would have waited and she would have waited. A couple other problems is that she claims she never even liked the sex, and that it happend roughly 15 times in over 3 years. My problem there is why didnt she leave then? She hadnt had sex with the guy for 2 years before me and still stuck around, why? (I know this too because she cried the first time we had sex because it hurt her). And for the girls calling me a hypocrite? When the hell did it become acceptable for EITHER side to **** whoever whenver? What the **** does sex mean to you damn people? If I met a girl who had been with 15 guys, id be disgusted, it would take all of the meaning out of sex with them. Call me old fashion but im sorry, be it GUY or GIRL, if your around, your a slut, period.
Author allen10981 Posted November 19, 2004 Author Posted November 19, 2004 Ok let me clear a few things up The reason I am bothered is on BOTH of our parts. I love this girl in ways ive never felt before (and i have experience in love), and I wish that both of us had waited. Losing ones virginity is a special thing, be it male or female, and when you love someone so deeply, you wish you would have waited and she would have waited. A couple other problems is that she claims she never even liked the sex, and that it happend roughly 15 times in over 3 years. My problem there is why didnt she leave then? She hadnt had sex with the guy for 2 years before me and still stuck around, why? (I know this too because she cried the first time we had sex because it hurt her). And for the girls calling me a hypocrite? When the hell did it become acceptable for EITHER side to **** whoever whenver? What the **** does sex mean to you damn people? If I met a girl who had been with 15 guys, id be disgusted, it would take all of the meaning out of sex with them. Call me old fashion but im sorry, be it GUY or GIRL, if your around, your a slut, period.
Jilly10340 Posted November 19, 2004 Posted November 19, 2004 I'm sorry but I don't think that sluttyness is in the number of guys or girls you've been with, but in your behavior. I'm 22 years old and I've been with 7 guys. I lost my virginity really young and it was a mistake, but every guy I've been with I've had a relationship with them for a year or more since then. There's a difference between sleeping with 7 people you've been in a long relationship with and sleeping with 7 people you've picked up at parties. Every situation is different so don't judge people for the number of people they've been with. It's shallow and disrespectful. You have to look at the whole person to determine if they're a slut or not.
zara Posted November 19, 2004 Posted November 19, 2004 Numbers mean nothing. Get over it. It would be wonderful if we could all fall in love for the first time and it lasted, but life just is not that way. Most people do not sleep with only one person in their life. Many of those who do often end up feeling resentful. Some people have a few broken hearts and failed relationships behind them- what are they supposed to do? Never sleep with anyone ever again becasue it might be looked upon as one too many?! You are both young and inexperienced and chances are that in ten years time you will both have a couple more notches on that bedpost and a few scars on your heart where they've been ripped to shreds. Then you might look back and see how little silly things like this matter.
savethedrama4allama Posted November 19, 2004 Posted November 19, 2004 Originally posted by allen1098 If I met a girl who had been with 15 guys, id be disgusted, it would take all of the meaning out of sex with them. Call me old fashion but im sorry, be it GUY or GIRL, if your around, your a slut, period. You're only 19 years old and you've been with 4 people. Better slow the hell down or you will fit your own silly slut definition by 25. Turn your judgement inward before you turn it on potential sex partners.
Pocky Posted November 19, 2004 Posted November 19, 2004 The reason I am bothered is on BOTH of our parts. I love this girl in ways ive never felt before (and i have experience in love), and I wish that both of us had waited. Losing ones virginity is a special thing, be it male or female, and when you love someone so deeply, you wish you would have waited and she would have waited. But neither of you did wait so why are you stressing over it now? There's not a thing you can do and to put so much focus on something that will never change is a waste of time. You seem to be getting caught up in the "virginity is sacred" mentality when what you should be doing is focusing on how to have a happy successful relationship. A couple other problems is that she claims she never even liked the sex, and that it happend roughly 15 times in over 3 years. My problem there is why didnt she leave then? She hadnt had sex with the guy for 2 years before me and still stuck around, why? (I know this too because she cried the first time we had sex because it hurt her). Why does it matter why she stuck around? Why are you focusing so much on her past? Why do you feel you have to sort out why she behaved in a manner that had nothing to do with you and doesn't affect you at this time. And it doesn't, you know. It has nothing to do with you. Stop being so self-absorbed. Your need to know "why" is insignificant because it had nothing to do with you. If she wants to share this information with you then that's her right. If she doesn't leave it alone. She's still an individual and adult.
GirlDown Posted November 19, 2004 Posted November 19, 2004 Originally posted by allen10981 When the hell did it become acceptable for EITHER side to **** whoever whenver? What the **** does sex mean to you damn people? If I met a girl who had been with 15 guys, id be disgusted, it would take all of the meaning out of sex with them. Call me old fashion but im sorry, be it GUY or GIRL, if your around, your a slut, period. it is okay for anyone to sleep with anyone whenever they want however they want. you know why? because it's a personal decision. no one has to ask permission of anyone else to engage in this behaviour. i understand that the issues of STD's and sex outside of marriage will come up...but guess what? the person choosing to have sex is the one who makes the ultimate decision, regardless of consequences. of course the person who gets the STD or is cheated on does not agree (i would think this would be of most people!) but it's cause and effect. THIS IS NOT SAYING THAT THIS BEHAVIOUR OKAY. calling someone a slut is also cause and effect...for example,if you called me a slut but i don't think that i am, then guess what...i'm not. wow. it's sad that if you found out someone was with 15 guys you would be so disgusted that it would take the meaning out of sex with that person. what if you were truly in love? there are circumstances you may never understand, but the past is the past and really isn't any of your business, provided your health is not at risk. there are, in fact, people who do enjoy sex responsibly. maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship at all, given your intolerance level
tanbark813 Posted November 19, 2004 Posted November 19, 2004 I don't think you should sleep with only one person your whole life. That's just asking for trouble. You'll always be wondering about what else is out there. To have a healthy view on sex, I think you should sleep with at least a few people. I mean, how are you going to appreciate good sex unless you have a few bad lays?
Author allen10981 Posted November 20, 2004 Author Posted November 20, 2004 Thanks for everyones opinions. I Broke up with her today. Im just gonna stay alone, I was happier that way, and its for the best. The only problem was she got really upset, and was crying really badly. How do I make it easier for her so she can go out and find a better guy?
Scarlett_girl Posted November 20, 2004 Posted November 20, 2004 totally stay away from her..let her find a guy who isn't intimidated by her past..as for you..maybe you should be alone until you can figure out why a girl with a past bothers you so much.
DutyPaid Posted November 20, 2004 Posted November 20, 2004 you are one mixed up dude one day you know you'll never find someone better for you and then one day you say you love this girl in ways you've never felt before (and you have experience in love apparently) and then you break up with her and why?? you better hook up and get married soon bud there ain't many virgins over 14 around these days isn't there some group out there staying celibate until marriage? oh wait you can't join
Author allen10981 Posted November 21, 2004 Author Posted November 21, 2004 Help me......... last night she called me and needed a ride home from work. So i decided to do her the favor. When I got there, she got in the car and cried like crazy... I dont know what to do. This girl must really be hurt and i dont know what to do to stop her from hurting She wrote me a note telling me how much se cared about me and so on, saying shes never really given her heart away before and how she knows im something special... she said the reason she quit smoking was for me (she never quit for the other guy she was with), and i know becuase ive known her basically since a year after they got together. Last night she also asked me to spend the night with her cuz she was really upset. I told her i would to try and make her feel better. But then while we were laying there, she started to cry because i looked away when she was getting dressed, and when she made sexual hints and i ignored them... I dont know what to do... I cant just have sex with her feeling these things, but she cant accept that i wont. i just dont know what to do anymore. Im trying to distance us so she doesnt hurt, and she just wont let go, she sais she'll hold on forever, and even her best friend said she isnt kidding because she said she has NEVER seen this girl so in love with someone, and shes seen the other 2 relationships shes been in... WHAT THE HELL DO I DO!...
GirlDown Posted November 22, 2004 Posted November 22, 2004 maybe you should tell her what you basically told us... that you think she's a slut and and not good enough for you. that oughta make her get over you real fast. oh, and throw in that you're a GIGANTIC hypocrit, that'll help. good luck!
Cecelius Posted November 23, 2004 Posted November 23, 2004 Mate, one guy over 2-3 years and apparently pretty lousy sexual activity? This is your opportunity to shine. She has a negative benchmark, she seems like a trustworthy and decent girl (and the fact that she stayed with him means she is a rare non-monkey girl). You can give her a relationship like she's never had before. Unless she's rubbing your nose in her past relationship or somehow bringing it up all over the place, you can't require "sealed in the box" freshness. She very clearly values who she has sex with, which is rare (I still can't get over one guy at age 22). I say finesse your way past this silliness you've gotten into, get back into the fun part of the relationship.
tanbark813 Posted November 23, 2004 Posted November 23, 2004 Originally posted by allen10981 WHAT THE HELL DO I DO!... You quit being a whiny pu$$y and get back together with her. Who cares about her past? What's important is how she treats you now.
Author allen10981 Posted November 23, 2004 Author Posted November 23, 2004 Lol, yea her past sex life was really lousy. the ****in guy didnt even pop her right cuz when i got to her, she cried the first time we did it from how bad it hurt, and was sore for 3 days, and after a few times it never hurt again Its just difficult, its like, why couldnt i have just been A LITTLE SOONER, she woulda been brand new and that woulda been really cool. Its hard cuz i have to see that guy face to face all the time, because she works with him, and i work next door to her and he comes to my job all the time to order food (im a chef at a pizzeria part time while i go to college). I mean i guess im being too picky because a girl at 22 whos with one guy and didnt even get devirginized correctly is the same rarity as a friggen virgin itself, but i need to somehow get over it. I have been told before that I have a slight case of obsessive compulsive disorder and medication was in order, so maybe it goes deeper than just her past in that i wont be able to get over it alone. I patched things up with her and apologized, and im seeing a counselor about my problems, because the way i am ill never be happy, and if you want to get down to the sad truth of it, ill never find a girl with such a clean history who is as hot, caring, and sweet. I just wish i knew how she looks past what she knows about me.
tattoomytoe Posted November 23, 2004 Posted November 23, 2004 Originally posted by allen10981 Lol, yea her past sex life was really lousy. the ****in guy didnt even pop her right cuz when i got to her, she cried the first time we did it from how bad it hurt, and was sore for 3 days, and after a few times it never hurt again Its just difficult, its like, why couldnt i have just been A LITTLE SOONER, she woulda been brand new and that woulda been really cool. Its hard cuz i have to see that guy face to face all the time, because she works with him, and i work next door to her and he comes to my job all the time to order food (im a chef at a pizzeria part time while i go to college). I mean i guess im being too picky because a girl at 22 whos with one guy and didnt even get devirginized correctly is the same rarity as a friggen virgin itself, but i need to somehow get over it. I have been told before that I have a slight case of obsessive compulsive disorder and medication was in order, so maybe it goes deeper than just her past in that i wont be able to get over it alone. I patched things up with her and apologized, and im seeing a counselor about my problems, because the way i am ill never be happy, and if you want to get down to the sad truth of it, ill never find a girl with such a clean history who is as hot, caring, and sweet. I just wish i knew how she looks past what she knows about me. Devirginize- there is no "correct" way dear, once it is in, it's gone. and i guess she shoulda been more selective and pick a gentler guy. i think you should do some meds, which to help with obsessive thoughts...i have then too about things, but meds do help ease the degree of the obsession....they are not a cure. it is hard when you have to see this guy, which i do not think you mention before? maybe you did.... i would just call it quits, for real, and stay away from them both. i do hope you will be able to deal with your thoughts in the future and are able to identify the rational and irrational. all the best!
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