Sudden Lack of intimacy / affection in relationship

[sjh2156]

Hi All

 

We are both in our early 40's and have been going strong for many months, but for some reason I cannot work out what is going on with my girlfriend, for the last few weeks she has suddenly stopped being intimate / affectionate with me. Yes we still see each other various times a week and enjoy going out for meals, events, etc but there is no real affection at the moment.

 

We have always been very affectionate and even the simple things like holding hands feel like a big effort at the moment. It got even worse at the weekend when we stayed together as normal, but instead of the usual cuddling up and talking before going to sleep, we barely kissed good night. Then in the morning when we usually cuddle a bit for a few minutes and say good morning etc, as soon as I moved to cuddle she got up and went down stairs for a drink and never came back.

 

This has been getting worse as the weeks have gone on and when I asked her if she/us was ok, she said everything was ok and she loved me to bits and cannot imagine being without me. She did say she felt stressed and tired about other things in her life, but there has not been any improvement in the way she is acting. I am struggling to understand how someone I am in a relationship and normally very affectionate / sexually active with, can suddenly withdraw from that side of things. I have been pushed away so many times now in this area of the relationship over the last few weeks that I feel like giving up on trying to initiate affection/intimacy.

 

I Love her to bits and would do anything for her, but I am really struggling with things at the moment as I seem to be doing all the work and getting nothing back.

 

Any thoughts?

 

Thanks

[Philosoraptor]

Have you told her exactly what you wrote here? You will need to effictively communicate this issue with her and ask her why she has been pulling away from your affection. Sitting around in a state of wonder won't help you get any answers or make any changes. Be upfront and stand up for yourself, your needs matter here and you shouldn't accept anything less.

 

This cowering up and "giving up" on intimacy is not going to make you happy and will just leave you resentful.

[sjh2156]

I have told her how I feel and that is how I know she is feeling tired and stressed about other things in her life. She recognised my concerns and said she missed it as well, but even straight after that statement I went to give her a hug and she pretty much rejected it.

 

The thing is she has always been far more affectionate than me, but now it feels like a big swing the other way to nothing.

[Philosoraptor]

Put your foot down, you don't have to accept any less than what you truly want. Let her know that the two of you need to fix this so that both of you are happy. If she misses it as well then it shouldn't be that hard of a task for her. If she really misses it, having it back may help allieviate some of the stress of the rest of her life.

[sjh2156]

I will make my feelings clear again. Normally I can be cheeky or do something unusual to make her smile and want to hug / kiss me. But at the moment she doesn't even seem to respond to that

[mrs rubble]

Do you have any idea what is stressing her? If you can help to unburden her stresses I'm sure it'd help. Also what make's her so tired? Is there anything that you can do to help lessen her load?

[dichotomy]

Any chance another man is in the picture?

[pteromom]

The thing is she has always been far more affectionate than me, but now it feels like a big swing the other way to nothing.

 

Is it possible that she felt she was always the one giving and not getting as much back, so she's given up?

 

Just a thought.