jrizzo6233 Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 Bare with me everybody as this is a long one but it helps me when I write.... I was with my now ex girlfriend for what would have been 2 years on the 11th of this month. Things were great the first 10 months of the relationship, made sure I waited 8 months to tell this girl I loved her, the whole shabang and I did love her. About a year in I was stupid and got caught on a dating site, I never met any of the girls but it felt good to get the attention. My girlfriend found out and I begged for her back, she was more important to me than any random girl. This story could turn into 10 paragraphs so I'll skip ahead about 4 months, I ended up getting caught a couple more times for going to the same website and being caught talking to other girls, I said dirty things but never acted on anything. My girlfriend took me back atleast 4 times for the same thing... (What girl that didnt love me would do that right?) Everything was going great for 3 months, better communication, more love in the relationship it was great. I went to my girlfriends family reunion and she comes from a mormon family but she did not really practice. She ended up hearing speeches from her cousins who were return missionaries and it clicked something in her head. We went home and she basically laid it all on me that she wanted to go on a missions which basically ment practicing which for me ment nothing sexual in the relationship at all. Most guys in my opinion would have left but not me, I wanted to try because I truly did love (still do) this girl to pieces. I lasted about 4 months and things got really hard, I didnt feel like my needs were being met and she turned me down time after time. I did understand where she was coming from but it was still damn hard. Then I became stupid again and made another dating account, it was never my intention to do anything with these girls but it was nice to hear I was actually wanted to by some of them.. kind of boosted my confidence. Long story short I came home on my lunch break and my girlfriend was there crying her eyes out next to my computer with the website pulled up and my account on there. I knew it was over and I knew there was not going to be another chance. This is where things get ridiculous and I don't feel like I deserved this much hurt. I tried for this girl and I know I messed up numerous times but nobody will ever know how much I loved her. A couple days after we broke up she was having suicidal thoughts (she has a history of them) and she was about to off herself in a park and some guy came by and talked her out of it (like any self respecting person would I'd think). This guy basically befriended her and I was thankful for that until I hit her up the next few days and she was with him. I went by to drop off some money I owed her about 3 or 4 days ago and found she had 2 hickies on each side of her neck, I was hurt because how are you going to not let your bf who you've been with for 2 years not do anything sexual to you and then not even a week after be doing sexual things. I called her out on it this morning and all she kept repeating was you emotionally cheated on me, you flirted with all those girls. I asked her how she could just drop her morals after we break up and she proceeds to tell me she can do whatever she wants we aren't together anymore, I ended up finding out she had sex with the dude too. How are you going to jeapordize a 2 year relationship with a guy you say is the one for sex and then give it up to a guy 5 days after you break up. I feel so hurt even though we technically arent together. I'm not condoning what I did by any means! I know i'll get karma in the future and it's a fact but I don't think I deserved this...
melell Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 ew re love bites. Yup for sure, you go on dating sites, and keep doing it when you know she didn't like it then that is what will happen. My ex did that a few times, the last time I didn't give a ****, the damage was done, and I wasn't going to trust him again. We broke up for different reasons, but all those ****ty things he did came flooding back once he was gone, and now I would never ever go back there. That is what you get.
Omei Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 (edited) Eh most will say you didn't really ever love her People that love people don't go off seeking attention from other woman they call that emotional cheating and you know what happens? Do it long enough every time things are not going well you're off to emotional cheat till one day you leave them for the person, grass is greener type thing. She should of left you the 2nd time she gave you a chance. You have proven 100% that you cannot be trusted in a relationship to her, she deserves better and she was right to leave. I hope she doesn't return for more hurt and I hope you learn how to be a better man. Btw if she's suicidal DO HER A FAVOR stay away and don't add to her pain. And you jeopardized it first it sounds like, not saying what she did was right but it was obviously an act to top your hurt to her, but also since you were broken up she can do whatever she wants with anyone she's no longer yours. Edited September 10, 2013 by Omei 1
esteem-jam Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 my girlfriend was there crying her eyes out next to my computer with the website pulled up and my account on there Things can never be the same. Your girlfriend was crying... that makes you proud? I dont think you loved her, or not the way she wanted.
crazy1234 Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 Bare with me everybody as this is a long one but it helps me when I write.... I was with my now ex girlfriend for what would have been 2 years on the 11th of this month. Things were great the first 10 months of the relationship, made sure I waited 8 months to tell this girl I loved her, the whole shabang and I did love her. About a year in I was stupid and got caught on a dating site, I never met any of the girls but it felt good to get the attention. My girlfriend found out and I begged for her back, she was more important to me than any random girl. This story could turn into 10 paragraphs so I'll skip ahead about 4 months, I ended up getting caught a couple more times for going to the same website and being caught talking to other girls, I said dirty things but never acted on anything. My girlfriend took me back atleast 4 times for the same thing... (What girl that didnt love me would do that right?) Everything was going great for 3 months, better communication, more love in the relationship it was great. I went to my girlfriends family reunion and she comes from a mormon family but she did not really practice. She ended up hearing speeches from her cousins who were return missionaries and it clicked something in her head. We went home and she basically laid it all on me that she wanted to go on a missions which basically ment practicing which for me ment nothing sexual in the relationship at all. Most guys in my opinion would have left but not me, I wanted to try because I truly did love (still do) this girl to pieces. I lasted about 4 months and things got really hard, I didnt feel like my needs were being met and she turned me down time after time. I did understand where she was coming from but it was still damn hard. Then I became stupid again and made another dating account, it was never my intention to do anything with these girls but it was nice to hear I was actually wanted to by some of them.. kind of boosted my confidence. Long story short I came home on my lunch break and my girlfriend was there crying her eyes out next to my computer with the website pulled up and my account on there. I knew it was over and I knew there was not going to be another chance. This is where things get ridiculous and I don't feel like I deserved this much hurt. I tried for this girl and I know I messed up numerous times but nobody will ever know how much I loved her. A couple days after we broke up she was having suicidal thoughts (she has a history of them) and she was about to off herself in a park and some guy came by and talked her out of it (like any self respecting person would I'd think). This guy basically befriended her and I was thankful for that until I hit her up the next few days and she was with him. I went by to drop off some money I owed her about 3 or 4 days ago and found she had 2 hickies on each side of her neck, I was hurt because how are you going to not let your bf who you've been with for 2 years not do anything sexual to you and then not even a week after be doing sexual things. I called her out on it this morning and all she kept repeating was you emotionally cheated on me, you flirted with all those girls. I asked her how she could just drop her morals after we break up and she proceeds to tell me she can do whatever she wants we aren't together anymore, I ended up finding out she had sex with the dude too. How are you going to jeapordize a 2 year relationship with a guy you say is the one for sex and then give it up to a guy 5 days after you break up. I feel so hurt even though we technically arent together. I'm not condoning what I did by any means! I know i'll get karma in the future and it's a fact but I don't think I deserved this... you tested her love again and again for you,bt think how long would it be for you to take another step forward with those girls on the dating site?Now u may say never but thats not what it looks like.I dont know what to say honestly. 2
wendyjames2 Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 No one deserves pain. At least what I have been numerously told. It is normal to feel how you do in spite being separated already. The time you have spent together is no joke. Reality bites, its time to move on. Forget about calling her, forget about questioning her decisions.
Author jrizzo6233 Posted September 10, 2013 Author Posted September 10, 2013 UPDATE**** She came over yesterday to get her stuff and I listened to her talk for a good 25 minutes. She seemed so done and over with that it was scary. She said she woke up the other day and thought to herself, "What was I thinking, thinking you could change for me"? Those words honestly made me lose it and I tried to fight the tears back. She was looking all beautiful when she came over and she did it on purpose but she can do what she wants right? I just know by her reaction the only thing I can do now is make myself a better person and a better man. Hopefully one day it will click in my head and she will be ok to give it another go. Thanks for all the responses everyone and I knew it wasn't going to be comforting advise for my side but writing is helping me cope right now. I still hurt because I just hope she doesn't drop this whole Mormon thing for the long run, I feel that would be a huge slap in the face to me.
crazy1234 Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 UPDATE**** She came over yesterday to get her stuff and I listened to her talk for a good 25 minutes. She seemed so done and over with that it was scary. She said she woke up the other day and thought to herself, "What was I thinking, thinking you could change for me"? Those words honestly made me lose it and I tried to fight the tears back. She was looking all beautiful when she came over and she did it on purpose but she can do what she wants right? I just know by her reaction the only thing I can do now is make myself a better person and a better man. Hopefully one day it will click in my head and she will be ok to give it another go. Thanks for all the responses everyone and I knew it wasn't going to be comforting advise for my side but writing is helping me cope right now. I still hurt because I just hope she doesn't drop this whole Mormon thing for the long run, I feel that would be a huge slap in the face to me. Hmm..Give her some time and try again to talk to her,but give her some space for now.If its meant to be,things will fall into place slowly.
AllTooWell Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 No offence but you are clearly not in the place to have a truly loving and respectful relationship. This may be harsh but someone needs to say it. You disrespected this woman time and time again. I find this incredibly immature, selfish, and you know that - you do not do those things to someone you love. You're trying to justify your actions to yourself "oh we weren't having sex because she decided to become a mormon" - you KNEW when she decided to commit to her religion, she fully disclosed the information to you that there would BE NO SEX AND YOU CHOSE TO STAY. If sex was a dealbreaker for you, you should have WALKED AWAY. If things were getting hard, you should have TALKED TO HER ABOUT IT like a mature person. Being devout in a religion can cause relationship issues which can lead to a break up - if not immediately, eventually, and it clearly caused issues here. If you can't accept her religious stance then you cannot be in a relationship with her - simple as that. Leave this girl alone. Go do some serious self-reflection. It seems here that you have self-esteem issues. Work on yourself. In a few months time, send this girl an apology. If you want her back and want to change, this will take time and the ONLY and best way to do this is to have no contact and seriously work on yourself. She has believed the "I've changed" line before and it led her right back to more heartbreak. It will take time for you to change, and it will take even more time for her to recognize that.
Recommended Posts