sjm Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 Hey all, So a quick summary I guess: I was 18 when I started seeing my now ex fiance, at uni studying law and he was 26 kicking off his first business. He was so insecure that I would find someone else that he made me get a new number, new Facebook, start doing uni classes via correspondence and no clubbing or partying. All that aside we were so deeply inlove that sometimes he would sit there and cry from happiness. He would constantly tell me how much of a beautiful person I am, how I ticked all his boxes, he became a part of my family, practically started to live at my house. I went on a family holiday to Thailand, and spent nearly every night on the phone to him with him telling me how much he loves me! I got back the weekend of his 26th birthday and he proposed to me! It was so beautiful we both started crying and drove around to show all our relatives the ring and etc the upcoming months were bittersweet with his business kicking off and I was right there to support him with everything I could and then my dad having an accident but he was right there to support me. Fast forward and he began to distance himself this year, or maybe he was so busy with business he just genuinely didnt have time for me? we fight, make up, fight, make up, fight, make up, I tried to leave twice, he didn't let me either time. Then he broke up with me, 2 months ago, he wanted nothing to do with me, then a month ago he started having hour long conversations and the one time he saw me he was hugging me and telling me that our happy conversations have been bringing up happy emotions and we'll see what happens from here yada yada yada. So, I then sent him how I felt in an email and got NO REPLY back. I confronted him with why he would do this and he said he has conflicting emotions he didnt know what to reply and doesn't want to hurt me. When he broke up with me, what triggered it was him thinking I was being spiteful or rebelling against him or something by me saying I was going on a holiday with my friend just before the holiday, really I was just planning a massive surprise for him, at the time of the break up I didn't tell him what was really going on because I didn't want to ruin such a sweet surprise and I assumed he would let his insecurities pass and know that I haven't nor will I ever do such a thing. I never got around to telling him about it because I know him and he will just say I'm emotionally black mailing him or some other reason to make himself feel better. Anyway, he told me he found out, I asked why he didn't tell me that he found out but he didn't answer me, he said it was very sweet of me and hes thought about it so many times. I said what does that mean? and he got angry and said "you think I dont have emotions, I dont care, I dont hurt, you think your the only one" What that means I don't know? He didn't say I'm sorry and he didn't say thank you so I am just dropping it rather than frustrating myself. Us being 18 days from our supposed wedding, I GIVE UP. I sent him an email, I thanked him for our beautiful memories and etc and said I'm done and forcing myself to move on. On a final note, in the last 2 months I'm not to sure how things have gone for him, but as for me, I have a new job that actually values me as an employee (unlike my own fiance who made me work there, underpaid me, even if I stayed back in the office until 3am). I have a brand new convertible BMW, I'm hanging out with friends again, I am back at uni doing really well, lost ALOT of weight and looking better than I ever have (I gained weight when I was with him because he didn't want me going to the gym because he was so insecure and when I did stand up for myself and join a gym he bullied the crap out of me for days even calling me a slut). All these things are so great and I guess ease the pain somewhat but it's still there. Even though I am self-sufficient now, my freedom is returned, physically I look like I am shining, but mentally I am beyond broken. I can't even actually move on because whenever a guy asks me out or something anxiety overwhelms me and I get scared they are going to hurt me like that.
melell Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 From what you have said it sounds like this man has serious insecurities. It sounds like a lot of game playing because he is insecure, and it was easy for him to treat you this way. My guess is that his actions were self serving, and there was very little concern for you. I could be wrong, but this is the impression I get. Go NC and forget about him. After a bit of time you will be open to being with someone else, it might just be too soon for you just now. Have patience. Congrats on all your successes since then as well!
Author sjm Posted September 10, 2013 Author Posted September 10, 2013 From what you have said it sounds like this man has serious insecurities. It sounds like a lot of game playing because he is insecure, and it was easy for him to treat you this way. My guess is that his actions were self serving, and there was very little concern for you. I could be wrong, but this is the impression I get. Go NC and forget about him. After a bit of time you will be open to being with someone else, it might just be too soon for you just now. Have patience. Congrats on all your successes since then as well! Thanks for your reply! He was very very very insecure, but I understood that and tried my hardest to make him feel secure. I think I lost all self-value due to his insecurities. He was caring and affectionate but in terms of my goals and ambitions he had no interest in any of it and was all about himself. We went through so much together and I believed it was too soon to throw in the towl but I'm just so exhausted and can't make sense of any of it! And thank you! I guess getting all this for myself in less than two months shows me how much energy I spent on him.
melell Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 Exactly. You don't need someone who brings you down. It isn't who you are with, it is who you are when you are with them. A couple are meant to nurture each other. Sounds like he may not be capable of a healthy relationship.
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