Author RBLL Posted September 12, 2013 Author Posted September 12, 2013 You are looking at this from the wrong perspective. Her emotional issues are not allowing you to enter her! It is mental. She needs to address her situation that shut men out. Think of it like a closed door. When someone violated her = that door shut TIGHT- and because of the meaning that she has assigned to what happened - it is showing up now, when you begin to have sex with her. Her muscles have closed off that area. Only addressing her issues can provide her with an opportunity to become more relaxed - and be open to the act of sex again. And what? She's not capable of giving you a back massage? A blow job? A hand job? In the meantime - what is she willing to help you with? Or does she just expect you to go without? She feels terrible with guilt. She says I'm worse off than being alone, because if I was alone at least I could go find a date. It's getting worse by the day. I can't even hint about sex or she becomes depressed and bitter.
Mr. Lucky Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 She feels terrible with guilt. She says I'm worse off than being alone, because if I was alone at least I could go find a date. It's getting worse by the day. I can't even hint about sex or she becomes depressed and bitter. The feedback you're getting isn't about how she feels - everybody understands that. When it comes to intimacy or sex, SHE AIN'T DOIN' IT !!! The question is this - why do you buy into that position and tolerate that behavior ??? Mr. Lucky
2sunny Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 She feels terrible with guilt. She says I'm worse off than being alone, because if I was alone at least I could go find a date. It's getting worse by the day. I can't even hint about sex or she becomes depressed and bitter. I agree. Best to be on your own. Her issues are hers to handle! And by the way - menopause doesn't MAKE a woman sleepy, tired, achy and grouchy - that is HER BEHAVIOR that she is CHOOSING to portray to YOU - and shows by her actions that's part of who she is! When a person shows you who they are by their actions = believe them! IF you want to live this way forever - go ahead - but know this is who she is and that you chose it. IF you don't want it - simply leave - so you have the opportunity to find a woman who is not grouchy and mean. She has issues - stop blaming it on menopause - it's not the menopause.
2sunny Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 She feels terrible with guilt. She says I'm worse off than being alone, because if I was alone at least I could go find a date. It's getting worse by the day. I can't even hint about sex or she becomes depressed and bitter. She doesn't "feel" guilty ENOUGH to service YOUR NEEDS? It's because SHE DOESN'T WANT TO!!! Stop buying into HER lies!!!! 1
Author RBLL Posted September 12, 2013 Author Posted September 12, 2013 I agree. Best to be on your own. Her issues are hers to handle! And by the way - menopause doesn't MAKE a woman sleepy, tired, achy and grouchy - that is HER BEHAVIOR that she is CHOOSING to portray to YOU - and shows by her actions that's part of who she is! When a person shows you who they are by their actions = believe them! IF you want to live this way forever - go ahead - but know this is who she is and that you chose it. IF you don't want it - simply leave - so you have the opportunity to find a woman who is not grouchy and mean. She has issues - stop blaming it on menopause - it's not the menopause. The medical websites all describe these symptoms of menopause. I can only imagine getting hot flashes and the nausea. Yuck. For my perspective 2sunny, are you male or female?
2sunny Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 The medical websites all describe these symptoms of menopause. I can only imagine getting hot flashes and the nausea. Yuck. For my perspective 2sunny, are you male or female? I'm female and have been through menopause. IF a woman WANTS sex - she WILL participate! She has a mouth, right? A hand, right? Boobs, right? And an a hole, right? Sheez, when I was going through menopause - we started exploring every different way to stay connected but vaginal sex - since I was hemmoraging like a fountain. Has she offered to do you between her boobs? Anal? A bj? What IS she offering to help YOU be happy? She COULD potentially offer TONS of options IF she wanted to! But she's not - and THAT tells YOU everything you won't admit to yourself!
2sunny Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 She's sleepy, tired, achy and grouchy because that is who she is. Stop trying to fool yourself into thinking she is anything else.
Author RBLL Posted September 12, 2013 Author Posted September 12, 2013 I'm female and have been through menopause. IF a woman WANTS sex - she WILL participate! She has a mouth, right? A hand, right? Boobs, right? And an a hole, right? Sheez, when I was going through menopause - we started exploring every different way to stay connected but vaginal sex - since I was hemmoraging like a fountain. Has she offered to do you between her boobs? Anal? A bj? What IS she offering to help YOU be happy? She COULD potentially offer TONS of options IF she wanted to! But she's not - and THAT tells YOU everything you won't admit to yourself! Thank you. You've given me a lot to consider. Our sex life was good last spring. I just want that woman back, if possible.
2sunny Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 Thank you. You've given me a lot to consider. Our sex life was good last spring. I just want that woman back, if possible. Could you answer my questions? Is she willing to do other options besides vaginal sex?
Author RBLL Posted September 12, 2013 Author Posted September 12, 2013 Could you answer my questions? Is she willing to do other options besides vaginal sex? She used to. She gave me my first oral last year and introduced me to anal. If I can find a way to bring up the subject that won't cause her to close up and pull away, maybe we could do something. She has no boobs, tho.
2sunny Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 Here's the thing... IF I had no mouth, no vagina, no boobs, no hands and no a hole - I'd still find my legs work well enough to rub a man out. The point being - she has no INTENTION of fulfilling YOUR basic needs! IF she intended to please you - NOTHING would stand in her way. But she doesn't INTEND to...and that should tell you EVERYTHING she isn't willing to say. Yet you are buying into her excuses. Stop buying it - it's BS. 1
Author RBLL Posted September 12, 2013 Author Posted September 12, 2013 Here's the thing... IF I had no mouth, no vagina, no boobs, no hands and no a hole - I'd still find my legs work well enough to rub a man out. The point being - she has no INTENTION of fulfilling YOUR basic needs! IF she intended to please you - NOTHING would stand in her way. But she doesn't INTEND to...and that should tell you EVERYTHING she isn't willing to say. Yet you are buying into her excuses. Stop buying it - it's BS. Thanks! I feel better with some sort of a direction to take. I love being her hemale and her being my shemale! But if it's not going to work...
2sunny Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 Given the circumstances - you either: A) live with a gal who is angry, grouchy and ignoring your wants and needs - thinking that is some sort of loving behavior. Or B) leave her and have the POSSIBILITY of finding a partner who considers your wants and needs as much as their own.
Author RBLL Posted September 13, 2013 Author Posted September 13, 2013 Given the circumstances - you either: A) live with a gal who is angry, grouchy and ignoring your wants and needs - thinking that is some sort of loving behavior. Or B) leave her and have the POSSIBILITY of finding a partner who considers your wants and needs as much as their own. I expressed my view to her that I feel neglected and not a high priority, that I would satisfy her needs however I could if the situation were reversed. I'll see how that goes over...
2sunny Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 I expressed my view to her that I feel neglected and not a high priority, that I would satisfy her needs however I could if the situation were reversed. I'll see how that goes over... And what, exactly, was her response?
Author RBLL Posted September 13, 2013 Author Posted September 13, 2013 And what, exactly, was her response? She asked if I felt she was being selfish. I said I felt she has a different approach to satisfying her partners needs than I would have. Will discuss with her tonight...
Babolat Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 My fiancée and I were so happy. We'd broken up after a 16 month rocky relationship, for good we thought. After 7 weeks apart, we reconnected. Our dreams came true! Then nature got involved and sent her spiraling out of control down the menopause road. She's always sleepy, tired, achy, grouchy, and not interested in sex at all. She's had a long and diverse sex life since early teens so its all just sex to her. She doesn't think she'll ever want or enjoy it again. I never knew sex could be good till I met her. I want to do everything, explore it all, try it all. It's to the point that I can't even say the word sex without causing her great guilt and pressure. Neither of us know what to do. I even contemplate just skipping to the hereafter to try my luck there. Feels like I'm already half dead anyway. Now we're just playing house, hardly talking. Life is cruel I divorced at 44 from a woman who had no sex drive. That is not why we divorced, I assumed I was a pervert for even liking sex and just assumed that's the way marriage was after a certain point. Looking back the sex was never great even when we dated. I can say this now, I could not say that then. I can say this now as I have been with 4 woman who LOVE sex, and I have had some incredible, intense, very intimate, emotional sex since. What I have learned is sex is very important to me, I am damn good at it, I crave it, and my next SO will to. She will want sex, she will be comfortable with her sexuality, her desires, her fantasies and we WILL hve a connection. If we don't, I will NOT continue. It's that important to me to have that intimate emotional sexual connection with a woman. No, it's not all about sex, but it is important. I feel for you man. You sound a bit like me, discovering how incredible sex can be with the right woman, at an older age. Maybe give the hormone stuff some time? I dunno. And, if she wanted to please you, well, she would, if it was important enough to her. So, you just might not be compatible. 1
2sunny Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 She asked if I felt she was being selfish. I said I felt she has a different approach to satisfying her partners needs than I would have. Will discuss with her tonight... Why didn't you just say yes? You and I both know IF she intended to be kind, generous and loving - she would offer every OTHER option to you (other than her vagina) - that is IF she WASN'T selfish. You know she isn't considering YOUR feelings - so why didn't you answer YES - I think you are being selfish?
Author RBLL Posted September 13, 2013 Author Posted September 13, 2013 Why didn't you just say yes? You and I both know IF she intended to be kind, generous and loving - she would offer every OTHER option to you (other than her vagina) - that is IF she WASN'T selfish. You know she isn't considering YOUR feelings - so why didn't you answer YES - I think you are being selfish? I kinda did say yes. I'm trying to be diplomatic. I do love her. This way she'll have time to ponder it. Why would you say I'm being selfish?
2sunny Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 I didn't say you were being selfish - i was saying she is. And you should be more direct with her so she gets a clear message/answer.
2sunny Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 Do you think if your penis wasn't working - that you would find alternative ways to make sure she was satisfied and happy? Has she had a checkup? I've never heard of menopause making anyone nauseous...
Author RBLL Posted September 14, 2013 Author Posted September 14, 2013 I didn't say you were being selfish - i was saying she is. And you should be more direct with her so she gets a clear message/answer. Oh I get what you meant now. My bad. This morning was good. She went down on me!!
2sunny Posted September 14, 2013 Posted September 14, 2013 Oh I get what you meant now. My bad. This morning was good. She went down on me!! So - she is capable, eh?
Author RBLL Posted September 15, 2013 Author Posted September 15, 2013 So - she is capable, eh? Oh yeah. Up until a 2 months ago it was pretty good. This morning she did it but acted like it was a repulsive chore. But it's a start. She wouldn't let me go down on her tho. I miss that
2sunny Posted September 15, 2013 Posted September 15, 2013 Oh yeah. Up until a 2 months ago it was pretty good. This morning she did it but acted like it was a repulsive chore. But it's a start. She wouldn't let me go down on her tho. I miss that A repulsive chore? Don't you think you need answers as to why she would view it that way now?
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