KentuckyGent Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 Confused you really need a dose of reality, so here it is: You are quite likely nothing but a fling to her despite everything she says. Take it from someone who's heard it all---husband drinks too much, is never home, they don't have sex, sleep in different beds, staying for the kids, yada yada yada ad nauseum. I'm almost positive she's feeding you complete bull**** and has no intention of a happily every after with you. I'm sorry to be so blunt but I feel like you're being very naïve here and need a wake up call. 1
Author ConfusedOM Posted September 11, 2013 Author Posted September 11, 2013 Confused you really need a dose of reality, so here it is: You are quite likely nothing but a fling to her despite everything she says. Take it from someone who's heard it all---husband drinks too much, is never home, they don't have sex, sleep in different beds, staying for the kids, yada yada yada ad nauseum. I'm almost positive she's feeding you complete bull**** and has no intention of a happily every after with you. I'm sorry to be so blunt but I feel like you're being very naïve here and need a wake up call. So you have been in the same situation? My god, same lines used as well. I'm sitting her right now contemplating ending it as I type. I have noticed that she texts and phone call conversations are way different. It's like I struggle to find things to talk and trying to tiptoe around the elephant in the room. For one day after I blew up, she changed back to old self but its right back to the downer toner with her. This morning, she was fishing for the "we" and "us" in the conversation but there were none. At that moment, I kinda knew. 1
Author ConfusedOM Posted September 11, 2013 Author Posted September 11, 2013 So what is the "easiest" way to fade away? For a week we have not talked about anything important, other than her telling me it is so important for her to go back to be with kids 100%. So I'm figuring NC or is there another method that has worked well.
Feb Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 So what is the "easiest" way to fade away? For a week we have not talked about anything important, other than her telling me it is so important for her to go back to be with kids 100%. So I'm figuring NC or is there another method that has worked well. I hate using absolutes, because there are always exceptions, but generally NC is the ONLY way to go for most. LC, "friendship", and other such things prolong the process for both parties, and you often wind up back where you started ... with a lot more hurt feelings, mistrust, pain and anger piled on. If you want, have a quick discussion on what you are planning to do ("We shouldn't be in contact anymore")...she will come back with how hurt she is and will probably propose friendship, or use some other sob story to rope you back in, but you have to stay strong and not fall for the standards lines. After you made your statement, hopefully she will not contact you again. If she does, you need to block her.
Author ConfusedOM Posted September 11, 2013 Author Posted September 11, 2013 -kentuckygent how can I contact you on IM? I have read many of your previous posts..sounds like we have a lot in common.
trailrunner1975 Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 (edited) So what is the "easiest" way to fade away? For a week we have not talked about anything important, other than her telling me it is so important for her to go back to be with kids 100%. So I'm figuring NC or is there another method that has worked well. I say go NC. I too was the "knight in shining armor". Of course the damsel was a cake eater so I went NC. However, if you are unable to quit cold turkey, fatde on a set rate. Don't contact her at all. If she does then take a day to respond, and when you do a one-sentence answer will suffice. The next time she calls, wait two days. Then the next time four days. Keep doubling your response time and it will clear the fog in short order. Think of it as a binary fade. Edited September 11, 2013 by trailrunner1975
KentuckyGent Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 -kentuckygent how can I contact you on IM? I have read many of your previous posts..sounds like we have a lot in common. I'm not sure Confused. I've only been here a short while.
KentuckyGent Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 I hate using absolutes, because there are always exceptions, but generally NC is the ONLY way to go for most. LC, "friendship", and other such things prolong the process for both parties, and you often wind up back where you started ... with a lot more hurt feelings, mistrust, pain and anger piled on. If you want, have a quick discussion on what you are planning to do ("We shouldn't be in contact anymore")...she will come back with how hurt she is and will probably propose friendship, or use some other sob story to rope you back in, but you have to stay strong and not fall for the standards lines. After you made your statement, hopefully she will not contact you again. If she does, you need to block her. NC really is the only way. I know this but it took much heartache to learn that lesson. I don't contact her at all anymore. Unfortunately when she does her occasional pop in I always answer the phone and it all goes back to square one again. Get this: after her not contacting me for 2 months she calls me out of the blue at midnight to tell me that I should see the videos of her step grandchild that she posted. I mean WTF? Of course I bit hook, line and sinker.
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