truth_seeker Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 Nonsense. I "friendzoned" my now-fiance for half a year until I was good and ready to move forward... Sometimes, a woman may recognize the value in a man but simply does not want a relationship at that time. Such as having recently broken up with somebody else, or having a stressful time at work, etc. -A So, you kept him on the the side, dangled the carrot until you were ready? Doesn't that sound selfish?
truth_seeker Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 Skid has a point bub.... Here are the facts (based on what you said): 1. she knew you liked her but she still strung you along for a while 2. whenever SHE felt she's ready she told you and you jumped right away (i.e. she's in full control and she knows it) 3. you DO seem to worship her and she seems to eat that up - at the moment... Tread very carefully. Maybe this'll work out and she really is truly ready for you. However, more likely than not, there was another guy whom she prioritized but who didn't work out. Hence she returned to you and is enjoying your attention/affection - for now Move things slowly and do NOT invest too many feelings into her too early on. Give this 5-6 weeks and re-evaluate after whether things are still as hot as they are now or whether they've fizzled a bit Just for your own good... I would take this advice to heart. Most likely another guy was atop her list and she wanted to try him out while she held onto you. Things didn't work out so she focused her attention back to you. Don't catch feelings! She only sees you as a guy who will always be available to her. The next guy who piques her interest, she will jump on.
Babolat Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 Well, this isn't so much as a "problem" but more of a thank you for everyone who's posted on my threads in the past and helped out. I'm glad there's a community here that's so open and helpful! The other point of this thread ...it really does pay to wait for the "right" one. Tonight I got a surprise from a girl who I've been on-and-off with dating-wise (basically, friendzoned if you call it that), but something told me to stay and support her. Well, tonight she told me that after the weekend we had together (we spent the weekend together, but during the days only) that she'd grown closer to me than ever and felt ready to go further. Thus, I asked her out officially and we're now a couple. I haven't stopped smiling and it's been a couple hours since then! So again, it's worth the wait if you find someone who you truly do connect with but may be on the fence about going further. Keep on and I hope those of you who yet to find someone do so. Thank you all again! I am curious how you knew she was "the one" when you were friends, and how you had "the conversation" about being more than friends. Thanks
Author NateC Posted September 11, 2013 Author Posted September 11, 2013 Just to clear something up...it wasn't a date she was agreeing to. We've been dating but not committed toeach other for a few months. She wasn't ready for a committed relationship yet. A couple days ago she finally realized a relationship was what she really wanted and so we became an actual couple. This is after months in the dating phase. I wouldn't be like this with a girl on the first date.
Author NateC Posted September 11, 2013 Author Posted September 11, 2013 Why are you even having "the talk" anyway? I have NEVER had one of those in my life. I met someone, date, develop feelings and they did the same. She didn't tell me to stop dating other people and I didn't have to tell her. It just happened naturally on it's own. Dating other people wasn't something either one of us had to even worry about or consider. You doubting her interest / intentions with you? Are you insecure that she might leave for someone else and think since she agreed to a "commitment" that will stop her? Whatever "talk" you have / agree too means absolutely NOTHING. Dating / Relationship isn't a marriage and even though you two might be "committed" to one another... If another dude comes along that she wants to do date, she will break whatever "commitment" you have to be with him. Honestly, it takes knowing the entirety of what we've talked about and everything to know why we talked about it to begin with. Yes, I understand fully well that her not wanting to be in a relationship early on is a red flag and that me staying friends with her isn't the "normal" way of doing things, but it's how things worked out. We've always been honest with each other since day one and talk about everything ...including where we stand relationship-wise. From what I can tell from this thread, some people are quick to judge based on whatever information is in front of them. Your long thread picking apart my post for example ...let's see: Support her in what? Does he mean, try to prove to her that he is worthy enough that she should consider dating him? No. By supporting her, I mean helping her through her stressful life by being around and actually being a friend to her rather than blowing her off or playing games because she wasn't ready at the time. LOL! I'm not sure how this was constructive, but I don't see what's really funny about that. Before a few days ago we were close but not in a "relationship" as you call it. We never said "I love you" to each other or kissed. It's a progression. Wait... WHAT?!?!?! She was on the fence for 3 months and wasn't sure if she wanted to even date the guy and now he is putting the petal to the metal and because she said yes to a date his is stating / claiming they are already a couple? Again, incorrect. We've been dating on and off for the past 9 months since we first started talking. We went back to a mutual friendship for a while until she was able to get her life stabilized...and over time she grew more attached. If that was my daughter, I would not agree with her putting herself in a situation like this whatsoever. Just because it's a guy, my view of it doesn't change. Huh? How is this even possible? Why are they chatting about a relationship before even asking her out on a date? I see a girl I want to get to know better, walk over and introduce myself and within 5 minutes ask her out. She doesn't know me, I didn't have to "prove" myself to her and jump through hoops before agreeing to a date. Who in their right mind would agree to that dynamic? It doesn't matter if you you are a male or female either. As stated before...we were already dating again by this point. I asked her out 9 months ago for our first date. He is already placing his wants / needs / desires on the back burner for this woman and she didn't even ask him too. You think his behavior is going to change? What about when she does / makes request / says things that he doesn't like / disagrees with / has concerns over? You think he is going to be true to himself and his boundaries? We talk about it like we always have. He wasn't being true to himself or her. He never wanted a friendship and in his mind, they were dating the entire time. Okay, this is partially true - I never completely got over her but she was someone I could spend time with and one of the few "true" friends I had. Isn't he such a great guy and sweet... He is already being POSSESSIVE and he is GRANTING her PERMISSION and LETS her do things. If that isn't creepy, I don't know what is. Mind you, from a guy who just asked her out and been on ONE DATE. I don't see how this is granting "permission" to do anything. The entire point of a relationship is to grow as a couple and as an individual. Couples don't spend every waking moment together and need their own time too. We have to put on the brakes already? Why? Games? He can't date in a healthy and normal way? He can't control himself and might smother her? I don't want to escalate things too far (i.e, sex) until she's ready for that stage of our relationship. As a guy with his first girlfriend yes...it takes a little effort to control my own emotions and not get ahead of myself. Mistakes are made when you act on emotions and disregard the other person's feelings. That enough explanation for you?
ThaWholigan Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 Congrats OP. I do remember a lot of your posts - I'm not sure if I was a regular participant. I'm glad that things are working out though. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- It's a sad indictment for this place that a positive story is met with such derision here and is put as the norm. Kinda pathetic if you ask me. It is one thing to encourage the OP to be a tad cautious, but another to be outright disrespectful ("you sound like a woman" WTF). Don't jump the gun too quick OP, but keep things on an even keel and you'll be alright .
Author NateC Posted September 12, 2013 Author Posted September 12, 2013 Congrats OP. I do remember a lot of your posts - I'm not sure if I was a regular participant. I'm glad that things are working out though. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- It's a sad indictment for this place that a positive story is met with such derision here and is put as the norm. Kinda pathetic if you ask me. It is one thing to encourage the OP to be a tad cautious, but another to be outright disrespectful ("you sound like a woman" WTF). Don't jump the gun too quick OP, but keep things on an even keel and you'll be alright . Thanks, I appreciate it. We're taking things step by step.
CrystalCastles Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 Congrats, OP! That reminds me of my friend who got turned down by a girl he liked. She later went back to him and agreed to go out with him. 5 years later they're still going strong. Another friend of mine got asked out by a guy friend. She turned him down. Same thing as above. She thought about him some more, then came back and agreed to go out with him. 2 years later they're still going strong. 1
ChessPieceFace Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 Congrats, OP! That reminds me of my friend who got turned down by a girl he liked. She later went back to him and agreed to go out with him. 5 years later they're still going strong. Another friend of mine got asked out by a guy friend. She turned him down. Same thing as above. She thought about him some more, then came back and agreed to go out with him. 2 years later they're still going strong. Again. Simply turning someone down is not equivalent to the friend zone. The OP was also CLEARLY not in the friend zone. There's no miracle here. There's no stories here of any guy who has escaped the friend zone. Just a bunch of people who don't know what it is.
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