To call or not to call, that is the question... !!!😁

[noellelovve]

Hello all I'm not sure how to start this out and I'm pretty sure its impossible to not make this confusing lol... Because it really just was a messy situation. I'll try to keep it as concise as possible. Here goes... (Apologies if its too long for you to read .)

 

Three years ago I met someone. I was young, naive, and I'd also never rally dated. Sure, I'd been on a few dates, but not over the count of one hand... As a matter of fact I'd only kissed one person up until meeting this guy! Mind you I was in my early 20s at the time of this story. No I'm not a prude or a religious goodie goodie. It was none of those things. The truth is for most of my teenage years I suffered with unbearable anxiety and depression that often consumed me so much that I did not live... I was merely existing. I was self absorbed, distracted by pain and I became very closed off and distant to the world around me. This is an important factor.

 

Also, when I was a young girl I had an instance of molestation which kept me very guarded and untrusting of males.... I expected manipulation and humiliation so I never let anyone get near me. aside from that I've never really been very interested in boys or easily moved by them. Every blue moon is have a crush and often it was a celebrity lol. So there you have it and there I was. Early 20s. No real experience. Just tasting the world of dating and relationships for the first time. And then I met him.

 

Part of me exposing myself and getting my life back to normal and with people in it after the depression was online socializing. I'd met a lot of people and even reunited with old friends and family! He found me the same way they did. We had friends in common and that's how he saw me. He would message me and invite me to spend time with him but I would always shyly decline. Also, I knew better. 'No boys going to get the best of me' I'd tell myself. He could chase all he wanted. But then I gave in.

 

Finally after many invitations to meet up, I finally accepted. I don't know what came over me. Maybe I was bored. Or lonely. Or both. But I wanted company that night and I just knew I'd be strong enough to resist his advances if it came down to that. We were to just hang out as friends. It wasn't a date. No sir-ee bob.. We went to the beach.

It was nice and mainly he talked, I listened. I was shy so I just kept asking him about himself. People love that☺. he told me he just got out of a relationship, had two kids and just wanted to start over and do right this time. I didn't care. We were just starting out as friends so it didn't matter to me. We saw a pelican that looked like a bat in the night sky... That gave us laugh. Then he took me home. No harm no foul right?

 

Over the next couple of weeks we spent time together, and yes he somehow convinced me to go on dates with him... And just like that, we were dating. Eventually I had my second kiss from a boy ever and we began to talk about possibly being in a relationship. I was wary of course but I'll admit I liked something about him. Maybe the fact that he liked me?? Anyhow, word got back to his friends and this is where all the trouble started.

 

As soon as we even courted the idea of being together people had things to say. I was told he was a major player and all kinds of awful things. I believed it.. I know you've already read enough, so long story short we ended up fighting over what others told me about him and stopped dating. He indeed was talking to someone else I didn't know about who he claims is a friend but he later flaunted around me that he slept with her ( to get back at me after we stopped dating ) and it was just a whole big mess. He was so spiteful after I rejected him that he tried to get back at me several times and even accused me of trying to make him jealous- I wasn't. I know, very high school. He was childish and I found it draining.bur there's one culprit I'm omitting. His friend nick. Ah, nick. What a bastard.

 

Nick originally was the main friend I met through this other guy, that I talked to. He would tell me to be careful and that who I was dating was no good.i believed him and in many ways he was right. But what I didn't know then was that nick was just as bad a guy as the one I was dating. You see nick was jealous. He knew that if he said things a certain way the cards might play in his favor...and then maybe he. Could end up having me. He played us against each other and back stabbed us both. This is my problem.

 

Not a day goes by that I don't think of him. No, not nick the other one. The childish idiot that I dated. Lol. Some part of me begs for resolution, deco solution, some clarity. I fight the urge everyday to find my way to him.to talk with him. He treated me poorly and hurt me deeply. I am not sure how much of his behavior was or was not influenced by his awful friend. But what I do know Is I have t got him out of my head since. Maybe because he was the only person I really ever dated and I had so much built up faith in him rescuing me. I don't know. I haven't dated since because I really don't want to. And I'm scared of rejecting guys. Because of how these two boys chose to punish me once they realized they couldn't have me. But I admit. I miss one of them. So bad it hurts.

 

Everything remind me of him even when I try to hate him and wipe him out if my mind and heart. It sucks. I don't want to feel at all like this but it's been years and it persists. I should add that he called me 3 months ago. The day before his birthday. I found out later he had just called it off with his ex. I suspected I was another rebound and chose not to call him back. But now I wonder if I should have. I know this will never stop until I let go and move

on. I'm about to move out of the city we both live in very soon and it's been itching at me to call this guy back finally... But what will I say and should I even do it?

 

He said things to me and acted in ways towards me that were childish and borderline narcissistic. At one point is em thought he was evil. But something nags in me.., am I wrong about him? Have I cast him as a villain when he might've just been a hurt angry boy? God... I'm sorry for this run on entry but my heart is so conflicted. There's no doubt people got In the way of our friendship and budding relationship.

 

Please help me.

My birthday is coming soon and then I'm gone from this city for good...

 

Question: should I call him back... Or not call and just move on?

Kind words are deeply appreciated and wisdom and insight are greatly needed! Thank you for reading !!!

Edited September 10, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[melell]

If this is something that will keep bothering you for a long while I do suggest ringing him just a 'hi, how are you' clear the air type of thing. Maybe that will be closure for you. But then move on... seriously, things shouldn't be so hard and complicated when it comes to romance, I am not sure of your age, but I am sure you will find someone who will be all the things you want, and you will be all the things they want.

 

Don't let the past hang over your future

[noellelovve]

Agreed. I'll give him a ring I suppose.,, though I

Am terrified

[Chatmonkey]

Never judge something wrong what you hear from other people, experience it first and make your own decisions. This was a mistake you made and I know it hurts you and his immaturity was exposed afterwards but that is because he was very badly hurt by this first. That you believed the people who told you this about him and that you didn't trust him. That hurts a lot.

 

Relationships are about sacrifice and there are flaws in people you can deal with and some you may find you can't. Friends know their friends flaws but they can deal with them because they're, well.... their friend. Not a lover. So if they're dicks like Nick they will have no problem telling you about them, no matter how true or untrue they are.

 

Lesson - Learn it for yourself, not from people who tell you. This applies to more than just relationships. You can take in what they say and be weary of it, but you should then go on and make your own decisions.