My vicarious foray into POF.

[emva07]

I think my beef against POF is that it claims to be a dating/matchmaking website but from the couple hours I had it, it was solely thugs with shady user names and with "not looking for anything serious" as their preference.

 

Whereas Tinder calls itself for what it is, a website intended to connect (ahem) people based on proximity. Good app to use when I'm looking for a guy I'm down to clown with but don't come crying when you don't get relationships from it because it never claimed to be a dating website.

 

I joined a third one shortly after my brief POF experience. This one claimed to be exclusivly for dating so I made a profile. This one had a way better layout and the design was a lot more clean and organized, and the filter actually does what you want it to do as opposed to POF where it just disregarded what my preferences were.

 

I met a guy and we talked all day today, he wants to hang out this weekend, he has that nerdy, good guy, Harry Potter look that I like , told me to let him know where i'd like to go for our first meeting and what I want to do. Who knows what will come of this, could actually lead to a relationship or could just be a hookup. Either way I'm curious and this would be my first OLD meet and greet.

Edited September 12, 2013 by emva07

[Ninjainpajamas]

General rules of OLD;

 

- As a woman, your attractiveness level goes up about 2 points...possibly 3. If you ever wanted to feel like a celebrity, here's your chance. (anywhere Online this pretty common in general, many men throw out compliments easily on the net)

 

- Messages you will receive will be more than you can handle, this is more common in the opening attack but will reach a constant pelting of interested/probing men after several months (approximately)..newcomers get pumped in the system and circulated to "matches"

 

- Great for validation and attention whoring for women (you don't need a fancy pic or sexy, anything will do), not always so much for serious dating...depends on what kind of men you choose and how good your filtering process is and how desirable you are (contrary to popular belief I noticed that average women land relationships more often than exceptionally good looking women because the intimidation and insecurity it manifests in men...much like it does for women with a "hot" guy)

 

- Good place for diversity if you want to date outside the box, you will likely meet someone "different"

 

- Lot of men are already in relationships or playing the field, you've got an imbalance for men though....some do exceptional where many other men do very poorly, an exceptionally good looking man with the right "stats" does about as well as a average profile with no picture as a woman...unless he's actually got a personality, then he can almost compete with the average looking women

 

This leads a lot of men to invest a lot more time, effort or energy into pursuing women that in real life wouldn't be the case...so a lot of guys play the numbers game or just send out mass messages or pick carefully to someone who is "attainable" as the competition is stiffer since women have options, it enables women to be complacent and men having to "up their game"...psychologically it can be a huge ego boost for women and their entitlement, and a sour hit to the pride of many men.

 

Don't OLD if you're a man and feeling blue, chances are you're going to feel worse and it's going to kick your @ss. If you're a woman who is feeling unattractive and undesirable, OLD is a good way to temporarily make yourself "feel better", it'll give you the attention you need.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

what do you mean "made" to converse?

 

 

 

 

I mean "made" to converse in the same context where, if/when you put up your (same) photo on OLD, you will be made to duck and cover as if you were at a batting cage and all of the ball/pitch machines in the plant were pointed right at you.

 

(at least one at your head, just to make it interesting)

 

 

 

( so many people so interested for SO long, that you at some point long ago were caused to have to handle the traffic {in a fashion more acceptable than most likely do} )

[SincereOnlineGuy]

General rules of OLD;

 

- As a woman, your attractiveness level goes up about 2 points...possibly 3. If you ever wanted to feel like a celebrity, here's your chance. (anywhere Online this pretty common in general, many men throw out compliments easily on the net)

 

- Messages you will receive will be more than you can handle, this is more common in the opening attack but will reach a constant pelting of interested/probing men after several months (approximately)..newcomers get pumped in the system and circulated to "matches"

 

- Great for validation and attention whoring for women (you don't need a fancy pic or sexy, anything will do), not always so much for serious dating...depends on what kind of men you choose and how good your filtering process is and how desirable you are (contrary to popular belief I noticed that average women land relationships more often than exceptionally good looking women because the intimidation and insecurity it manifests in men...much like it does for women with a "hot" guy)

 

- Good place for diversity if you want to date outside the box, you will likely meet someone "different"

 

- Lot of men are already in relationships or playing the field, you've got an imbalance for men though....some do exceptional where many other men do very poorly, an exceptionally good looking man with the right "stats" does about as well as a average profile with no picture as a woman...unless he's actually got a personality, then he can almost compete with the average looking women

 

This leads a lot of men to invest a lot more time, effort or energy into pursuing women that in real life wouldn't be the case...so a lot of guys play the numbers game or just send out mass messages or pick carefully to someone who is "attainable" as the competition is stiffer since women have options, it enables women to be complacent and men having to "up their game"...psychologically it can be a huge ego boost for women and their entitlement, and a sour hit to the pride of many men.

 

Don't OLD if you're a man and feeling blue, chances are you're going to feel worse and it's going to kick your @ss. If you're a woman who is feeling unattractive and undesirable, OLD is a good way to temporarily make yourself "feel better", it'll give you the attention you need.

 

 

God (the above) is good !!!

 

But for Phoe, the problem is, she won't find time to develop an OLD strategy because her first move will be to merely go out and buy a huuuuuuuge floor broom just to create a path between her computer and the doorway. It will be like a ticker-tape parade with all of the paper landing in one small bedroom (and/or one P.C.).

 

IF by chance Phoe could avoid drowning in paper, she may indeed be able to present herself in ways which are new to her, and thus find herself reviewing different sorts of applicants than is her norm. But while that might enhance one's social education, it remains very challenging to resist the trappings of one's previously established physical appeal.

 

In presently topical terms, Phoe doing OLD and looking outside of the box would be akin to her wading through the streets of presently flooded Boulder, Colorado, while pushing/pulling an empty rowboat on which she'd like to have a soaking wet cat to save. The currents would be strongly urging her in the other direction, and sometimes life is easier when you just get in your boat and let the tide carry you...

[SincereOnlineGuy]

My only concern about you doing OLD, Phoe, is that comment you made about staying with a guy because he "accepted you". If you do it, just go into it knowing that MOST of the guys you meet won't be a good match for you. Use both your head and your heart, and don't settle for someone who isn't really what you want.

 

You are going to be absolutely bombarded with responses, so be ready.

 

 

The last part is on the mark, of course, and because of the volume here, I don't think Phoe will be able to function without employing some basic standards for paring down the applicants. The onslaught just might make her really have to think, in ways she hadn't considered before, in order to winnow her set of applicants down to the number she can fully review while eating lunch at work each day.

 

So hopefully, and depending upon the criteria Phoe selects, she will be able to reduce the numbers to a subset which stays above some certain level of suitability. And merely meeting that many people who are clearly interested and applying directly for the position of her companion, might also work in Phoe's favor for causing her to witness so many direct conversations on such a topic, which in time will train her to ask the optimum questions and really take the answers to heart.

[HappyLove]

I think my beef against POF is that it claims to be a dating/matchmaking website but from the couple hours I had it, it was solely thugs with shady user names and with "not looking for anything serious" as their preference.

 

Whereas Tinder calls itself for what it is, a website intended to connect (ahem) people based on proximity. Good app to use when I'm looking for a guy I'm down to clown with but don't come crying when you don't get relationships from it because it never claimed to be a dating website.

 

I joined a third one shortly after my brief POF experience. This one claimed to be exclusivly for dating so I made a profile. This one had a way better layout and the design was a lot more clean and organized, and the filter actually does what you want it to do as opposed to POF where it just disregarded what my preferences were.

 

I met a guy and we talked all day today, he wants to hang out this weekend, he has that nerdy, good guy, Harry Potter look that I like , told me to let him know where i'd like to go for our first meeting and what I want to do. Who knows what will come of this, could actually lead to a relationship or could just be a hookup. Either way I'm curious and this would be my first OLD meet and greet.

 

GOOD LUCK! Let us know how it goes.

[Leigh 87]

I have only had wonderful experiences with online dating. I met a long term partner there that lasted nearly 3 years, who was the wrong guy for me but the relationship changed my life for the better and we are genuinely very close friends now.

 

 

 

 

I also met a few guys around the time I met my ex who I obviously couldn't date since I chose my ex, but who were keen to just be friends. Yes, just friends.

We still hang out 3 years later. Not just so they can have sex with me. Genuine friends here:lmao:

 

I never met one strange guy. I think you can be picky as to who you add and even more so when choosing who to meet.

 

This time around, as of two weeks ago when I joined this FREE site again, I met a wonderful guy who was also a student like me and he was just great! We really liked each other and were hugely attracted. We loved spending time together in general, however, we just "knew" we would never fall in love.

 

I met another really decent bloke who I do not feel it for despite him having all the qualities I look for in a guy, and am talking to two really nice guys now.

 

Plus a few more really decent sounding guys.

 

This is all within two weeks. The two guys I met so far were both really nice.

 

You can talk to a lot of guys at once and like a fair few of them, but normally for me, one or two at a time really pique my interest.

 

And get ready; most guys you talk to will have met some crazy or aloof girls and have some funny stories to tell you..............

 

Seriously. One guy met a girl who stalked him and climbed on his roof one night, another guy met a girl who turned up to a café with a vibrator inside of her and handed him the remote, among the other desperado types who say they love the guy after a few dates and force themselves upon the poor dude cos they are desperate to have kids and get themselves a boyfriend......

 

Plenty of nice guys will show up and probably be thrilled that you're NORMAL and nice.

[Phoe]

It was probably more awkward for him than it was for you and your friend because he may have had a hard time dealing with you (the friend) being with her on a date.

 

I would never meet someone who brings their friend along, it's a distraction. I'm surprised he agreed to it actually.

 

*sigh*

 

 

I've repeated this about 4 times now..

 

 

Me and my 2 friends had lunch plans. He was in the area and knew she was having lunch and asked to see her. HE voluntarily put himself in the position to come see her fully aware that she already was having lunch with 2 friends.

 

 

What was she supposed to do, kick us out of the booth because a guy she never met before decided he wanted to come have a quick meetup with her right then and there?

 

 

She could have declined him but nobody was bothered by the idea of him showing up, so she agreed.

[HappyLove]

I have only had wonderful experiences with online dating. I met a long term partner there that lasted nearly 3 years, who was the wrong guy for me but the relationship changed my life for the better and we are genuinely very close friends now.

 

 

 

 

I also met a few guys around the time I met my ex who I obviously couldn't date since I chose my ex, but who were keen to just be friends. Yes, just friends.

We still hang out 3 years later. Not just so they can have sex with me. Genuine friends here:lmao:

 

I never met one strange guy. I think you can be picky as to who you add and even more so when choosing who to meet.

 

This time around, as of two weeks ago when I joined this FREE site again, I met a wonderful guy who was also a student like me and he was just great! We really liked each other and were hugely attracted. We loved spending time together in general, however, we just "knew" we would never fall in love.

 

I met another really decent bloke who I do not feel it for despite him having all the qualities I look for in a guy, and am talking to two really nice guys now.

 

Plus a few more really decent sounding guys.

 

This is all within two weeks. The two guys I met so far were both really nice.

 

You can talk to a lot of guys at once and like a fair few of them, but normally for me, one or two at a time really pique my interest.

 

And get ready; most guys you talk to will have met some crazy or aloof girls and have some funny stories to tell you..............

 

Seriously. One guy met a girl who stalked him and climbed on his roof one night, another guy met a girl who turned up to a café with a vibrator inside of her and handed him the remote, among the other desperado types who say they love the guy after a few dates and force themselves upon the poor dude cos they are desperate to have kids and get themselves a boyfriend......

 

Plenty of nice guys will show up and probably be thrilled that you're NORMAL and nice.

 

Lol. Those stories are crazy!

[Phoe]

So hopefully, and depending upon the criteria Phoe selects, she will be able to reduce the numbers to a subset which stays above some certain level of suitability. And merely meeting that many people who are clearly interested and applying directly for the position of her companion, might also work in Phoe's favor for causing her to witness so many direct conversations on such a topic, which in time will train her to ask the optimum questions and really take the answers to heart.

 

^THIS^

 

 

I need this. I need practice. I need to learn and gain experience because I'm like a fish out of water when it comes to dating. Everything listed above is exactly why I want to try OLD. Even if I don't succeed in the slightest, I'm hoping I will learn something from it.

 

 

Gotta start leveling up, I'm still a noob in this game.

[Phoe]

Plenty of nice guys will show up and probably be thrilled that you're NORMAL and nice.

 

This is what I hope for.

 

 

That despite the fact that both genders have to wade through some batsh*t crazies, that I can just find a normal nice guy and he can find normal nice me. lol.

[CrystalCastles]

Phoe put up those pics of you that you have on here and I swear you won't be able to beat off the men on OLD with a baseball bat.

 

I remember I joined OLD for a week, just to see what it was like. I had 2 pics on there and the number of msgs I got was insane! Guys were saying things like "Wow I know I'm out of your league so I shouldn't even bother msging you because I know you won't reply, but my name is ... etc".

 

I prefer meeting people offline so I'm not going back to OLD.

 

And one more thing. You're having trouble meeting guys offline? Srsly? The guys in your area need either 1) their heads examined or 2) need glasses pronto.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Phoe put up those pics of you that you have on here and I swear you won't be able to beat off the men on OLD with a baseball bat.

 

 

 

{pauses everything} Wait, what? I didn't know there were more Phoe-tos.

 

 

(runs off...)

[miss_jaclynrae]

Funny stuff.

I always hated POF.

 

 

 

 

My room mate though (who is super hot btw) swears by it, and I have seen the proof by meeting a lot of the guys she has met through there.

 

Interesting thing? She doesn't have any pictures of herself.

She said that she got too many creeps and so took them all down.

 

 

 

 

 

It has worked great for her!

She is now dating this really great guy (room mate approval!). Her last boyfriend, of 7 months, she met on there too.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

full disclosure: I really only looked at them for two minutes, but of course, the amount of time I spend on this post, will make it seeeeeeem as if I was enjoying the Phoe-tos for a longer period.

 

 

I just wish I knew what a human psychologist would do or recommend:

 

I mean, while it's OK that OLD is a given in the way of a hoped-for experiment by Phoe, wouldn't it be spectacular if she could truly change her own world by somehow crafting the process to bring her amazing results??

 

And it makes sense to waffle between the age old tradition that is merely running those Phoe-tos up the O.L.D. flagpole and trying to stagger the traffic at least enough to process it all, and the idea that to perhaps somehow play-down her looks a bit, might allow Phoe to afford herself a vantage point she seldom gets to consider.

 

 

I can appreciate from afar the idea that such Phoe-tos invariably draw hundreds upon hundreds of guys just looking for sex, and hoping that Phoe is intrigued enough by the looks of one or two to take spontaneous interest in same.

 

And I can guess that to de-emphasize one's looks somehow may somewhat reduce that traffic.

 

Additionally I can imagine that Phoe would like to share some true depth wherein her mind is excitedly engaged by that of some interesting guy there, perhaps first via e-mail/text, and then on the phone. And I can imagine her curiosity going off the charts merely upon going through the early motions of just meeting (most anyone of the applicants) for the first time (as her friend did).

 

 

But at what point can Phoe or society expect Phoe to give up that which is the familiar path which says that her looks draw'em in from all around? It must be impossible not to imagine/envision that when one gets her pick among, say, 250 guys, that she can't just reach for the top shelf and live the high life. And unlike random sets of 250 guys, these will ALL be guys who clearly submitted their interest in Phoe, at least for starters.

 

 

 

But somewhere in human psychology, the guys on the top shelf looks-wise

 

(A ) don't need Phoe or her ilk as much as do many other guys.

 

AND

 

(B ) were never caused to develop the interactive abilities which ARE so much a backbone to O.L.D.

 

 

 

So while Phoe was the complete charmer when merely an onlooker in somebody else's pressure cooker, and she managed well... what are the dynamics when it's Phoe and a top-shelf guy (meeting up 1 1/2 days after first online glance, because the guy is sorta rushing things, and because Phoe senses him to be hot (enough) to warrant such an early roll of the dice) ??

 

 

I would contend that a potent ingredient of O.L.D. is the way it mandates most to really engage one another conversationally before any real-life encounter takes place.

 

When the internet is at its best, it is causing people on both sides to become considerably familiar with the pawns in the lives of the other so that initial in-person conversation can just flooooooooow as many have seldom known it to flow before with someone they just met.

 

The surest way to defeat that is to give-in to the (other person's) urgency about meeting tonight or tomorrow night. Lots of people in O.L.D. don't want to invest a dime's worth of time in somebody who won't agree to meet immediately - and they're usually people who never needed O.L.D. in the first place (they're just repeating the same things they've done in the real world, though perhaps on a larger playing field).

 

The typical person on O.L.D. is somebody who wouldn't be wise (for myriad reasons) to leap at the suggestion of meeting tonight or tomorrow night.

 

But it's just too tempting for some...

 

 

 

(we both know you all think I've been peering at the Phoe-tos for that long period between posts)

[SincereOnlineGuy]

 

 

My room mate though (who is super hot btw) swears by it, and I have seen the proof by meeting a lot of the guys she has met through there.

 

Interesting thing? She doesn't have any pictures of herself.

She said that she got too many creeps and so took them all down.

 

 

It has worked great for her!

She is now dating this really great guy (room mate approval!). Her last boyfriend, of 7 months, she met on there too.

 

 

Oh man, touché! to Phoe...

 

(such a temptation to experiment, I'm sure)

[Leigh 87]

Phoe, you will DEFINATELY learn something about yourself through online dating.

 

If you're like me, you are not always out and about getting dates from men. I do not go out to bars and clubs often, so online dating is basically a matter of GETTING a lot of dates.

 

It is a bit hard to learn about men if you never date, which I probably wouldn't if it were not for online.

 

You will just be exposed to a lot of men all of a sudden, and therefore you can learn about what you look for in a guy and how to interact with a wide array of different men.

[miss_jaclynrae]

Phoe, you will DEFINATELY learn something about yourself through online dating.

 

If you're like me, you are not always out and about getting dates from men. I do not go out to bars and clubs often, so online dating is basically a matter of GETTING a lot of dates.

 

It is a bit hard to learn about men if you never date, which I probably wouldn't if it were not for online.

 

You will just be exposed to a lot of men all of a sudden, and therefore you can learn about what you look for in a guy and how to interact with a wide array of different men.

 

Seriously. People asked why I dated so much.

It was a no brainer to me, I got to meet a WIDE array of men, all different, and it definitely helped me not only see what was out there, but figure out even more than I already did through my past marriage what I wanted and didn't want.

[SJC2008]

No, I have very few female friends. Majority of my good friends that I spend time with are men. :confused:

 

 

I generally have more in common with men than women.

 

Ok yeah that's confusing. I was wondering if you were the female version of me in that I can make friends with men pretty easy but don't seem to make friends with women easy.

[Leigh 87]

Seriously. People asked why I dated so much.

It was a no brainer to me, I got to meet a WIDE array of men, all different, and it definitely helped me not only see what was out there, but figure out even more than I already did through my past marriage what I wanted and didn't want.

 

 

 

It also helped me grow more attuned to my gut instinct and inbuilt intuition.

 

I know when I just get a good feeling about someone; I can feel the niggling doubts that I would have previously tried to overlook.

[FitChick]

Phoe put up those pics of you that you have on here and I swear you won't be able to beat off the men on OLD with a baseball bat.

Except those are all head shots with the exception of one very far away that could be anyone. She needs some closer full body shots wearing fitted top and jeans, for example. Men want to see the body.

[Phoe]

Except those are all head shots with the exception of one very far away that could be anyone. She needs some closer full body shots wearing fitted top and jeans, for example. Men want to see the body.

 

I'd actually rather not.

 

 

My body is nice and I work hard to make it that way, but I don't want men on a dating site ogling my body and choosing whether to date me or not solely on how fit I am.

 

 

I would post probably 1 or 2 pictures. Closeup of face, and very average, not much makeup. Certainly NOT my profile picture here. This one is full makeup.

[Phoe]

every other female is going to show their best assets. they show off a good body if they have it and show sexy pictures if they have a good body. they are all made up too even if they hardly wear it.

 

 

if a female hides something theres a reason. females without clear body shots usually don't have good bodies.

 

 

to hide your best assets is crazy.

 

If that's what other women do that's fine, it's not what I'm comfortable doing.

 

 

I'm gonna do what is comfortable to me and what makes ME happy. Not what other women do or what some men want.

 

 

If some men will ignore me because I don't post pics of my body that is 100% fine with me.

 

 

A man who chooses me won't have done so based on looks alone. If I end up dating a guy all he will go off of to begin with would be interests, personality, and such. It will pay off for him when it turns out I actually have a nice body as well.

 

 

But I will NEVER use it as a selling point.

[Ruby Slippers]

If that's what other women do that's fine, it's not what I'm comfortable doing.

 

 

I'm gonna do what is comfortable to me and what makes ME happy. Not what other women do or what some men want.

 

 

If some men will ignore me because I don't post pics of my body that is 100% fine with me.

 

 

A man who chooses me won't have done so based on looks alone. If I end up dating a guy all he will go off of to begin with would be interests, personality, and such. It will pay off for him when it turns out I actually have a nice body as well.

 

 

But I will NEVER use it as a selling point.

SMART!

 

(10 characters)

[Phoe]

SMART!

 

(10 characters)

 

 

 

Thanks!

 

 

 

 

While I do appreciate any and all advice that is given to me with genuine intentions while on this forum, there are some things I just won't do.

 

 

I wanna do what's right for me, what's comfortable for me. Even if that means it takes me a bit longer to succeed.