My vicarious foray into POF.

[FitChick]

A friend just told me he dated "a high profile" woman on a dating website (not PoF) and I am trying to worm it out of him who it was!

 

I've been contacted by a couple of politicians (NOT Anthony Weiner), someone from a disbanded somewhat famous rock group, and had a fling with a rather well known artist/designer. The musician was on OKC, the others were on paid sites.

[ASG]

My (brief) experience with POF was such that I have now hidden myself on it.

 

Most of the guys I had contacting me had absolutely NO info on their profiles, and would just message with a "hey, how's it going?"

 

A couple that I was messaging turned out to be too familiar/clingy after just a couple of days... Like literally, calling me pet names and texting me at 7 in the morning! (I think we've established I don't like good morning texts He was dropped there and then).

 

At one point I just gave up. I even had an awkward bump into someone I was casually seeing at the time... Ugh...

[Keenly]

The exrience for men is often the exact opposite of women.

 

Mine is as follows.

 

I signed up for a few free ones, and two paid ones, over the last year.

 

 

Now keep in mind I'm terrible at filling out my profile section. I post a few good pictures of myself, my interests, what I'm like and how I'm a little shy but I like the pleasure of the little things in life and blah blah blah.

 

 

I can message 100 girls, and maybe, MAYBE, four will reply. That's of the stars align and the clouds part open with a heavenly chorus.

 

Now, out of those four responses, one will be something like " heyz, u r 2 funni, lez git sum ice cream baby cakez. " so that's an instant no.

 

Three responses will literally be one word, or one sentence . Like if I ask " I see you mentioned that you like movies, does that include cheesy action movies? " and I'll get back " eh, they're alright. ". How the hell am I supposed to respond to that.

 

 

This is also what its like on match, paid. I honestly feel like 80% of the women on these sites have no intention of interacting with or meeting anyone, they just like the attention when they get bored.

 

 

I'm not on these things to hook up. I've never asked for naked pics, mentioned having or wanting sexual acts,I've never been too forward or impolite or rude, I use perfect grammar, always include a joke or two, and still nothing.

 

OLD is completely worthless from the male side. And to be honest, I can take rejection , but after you sign up for match and you send 65 different girls emails in a month and you get TWO, that's right, TWO girls that respond, on a PAID website.... you really start to wonder if they are even trying to date or they just love the attention.

 

 

 

I've stopped messaging girls on free sites, and now I only message maybe one a week on the paid site, and intend to cancel upon expiration . I've only ever been contacted without initiating ONE time. I ended up meeting up with her, to find out she was 50 lbs more than what she claimed, which would have not phased me had she not lied about it for two weeks, both on the phone AND with misleading pictures.

 

 

In short, its great if your a girl, hopeless if you are a guy. Girls be too shallow or judgmental, or just playing games.

[NoLeafClover]

So, today, I got a completely unexpected and unintentional taste of what POF may be like in my area.

 

I had plans for lunch with 2 friends today after work, one of whom recently broke up with her boyfriend after he cheated on her with her friend.

 

 

We were heading over to the restaurant and this guy she'd talked to on POF said he was in the area and wanted to meet her. Cool. She agreed and figured since we were gonna be there anyway it would be good to have 2 friends with her.

 

 

The lunch was slightly awkward. The both of them were clearly nervous as could be but it was kind of cute. My friend kept botching up her words and saying weird things. He pretty much clammed up the whole time but kept complimenting my friend on her hair, eyes, etc.

 

 

I tried to keep the convo going between them, lol. Eventually got them on a topic they both had in common and from there they were golden.

 

 

Looks like they will probably go out again

 

 

So perhaps POF might not be a bad choice. It worked out decently for my friend. She didn't put any pictures up on her profile, but he contacted her within 5 minutes of her creating her profile.

 

 

Lately I've been considering some kind of OLD - this was a good indicator of the fact that it might not be bad at all.

 

I slept with so many women on first night from POF...Im a guy and I am starting not to like that sh*t. It's hard when you're truly looking for someone to spend time with and not jump into any bad decisions and as you end up kissing/making out (which I think it can be acceptable on the first date if the feeling is mutual)...the girl asks if you have any condoms on you.

 

From personal experience, almost every girl I talked to either thought too highly of themselves and i had to make the date quick and short(No time for woman who are not realistic and are fool of themselves), claimed they wanted a bf but talked to 30 other guys on the side (mostly from pof) or were way too easy and ready jump into ding dong after a beer.

 

Maybe it worked for now with you friend..but I have not been able to find a medium to balance things out so far. Truth is, there is no medium because of the many options people have on there and noone takes you 100% seriously.. Stay away if you are looking for something serious.

[hudson701]

Phoe.... Why on earth are you considering OLD? It's the most demoralising, soul- destroying thing you can do. It wiped out my self-esteem and I'm not too low down in the pecking order.

 

Seriously, go out and meet someone the traditional way- you're very pretty and seem like a decent person, so it should be no problem.

[acrosstheuniverse]

OLD can be a decent source of potential partners, but I wouldn't put all of my eggs into the OLD basket. When I did it I was only looking for dating partners really, I guess I was open to meeting somebody but I also wasn't on the hunt for a relationship. So I created a profile and checked in once in a while but carried on dating people I met offline.

 

Actually the day I created my profile I did a local search for guys I thought I had shared interests with, and messaged maybe five guys. One of them turned out to be pretty cool, and we chatted on there for a week or two, before moving across to the phone, and then going on a real date. We've only been together a few months now, but we're both pretty astounded we met each other on there given POF's reputation! He's freakin' awesome and thinks the same of me so I guess we'll see how that pans out

[Phoe]

Phoe.... Why on earth are you considering OLD? It's the most demoralising, soul- destroying thing you can do. It wiped out my self-esteem and I'm not too low down in the pecking order.

 

Seriously, go out and meet someone the traditional way- you're very pretty and seem like a decent person, so it should be no problem.

 

 

 

I'm considering OLD because meeting people offline IS a problem for me. I can't get dates, guys friendzone me/don't pursue me romantically, and I am awful at approaching, so it seems the best solution for me is to join a site where people are there SOLELY to date. If someone contacts me, it's for a date, unlike the offline world where everyone maintains polite platonicness with me.

 

 

It's just something I'm considering, just testing out the waters. I wouldn't put all my eggs in one basket, so to speak... nor would I jump in headfirst into anything I couldn't handle or wasn't comfortable with.

 

 

It can't hurt to put up a profile. If I'm unhappy/uncomfortable/not having a good time I can always just delete it

[rbrock2323]

I did/still doing the POF thing. Hasn't worked out for me, except one rare instance in which she moved back home and I honored her decision. I chalk it up to me being unattractive and my personality sucks. I'm sure you'll do fine.

 

As for the "contact within 5 minutes"...there really is no way to tell how "new" someone is unless they search by "newest user" every 5 minutes...

 

The guy saw her profile and made contact, no big deal. Just don't be foolish and meet someone you don't really know in a vulnerable area.

 

Good luck with it.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

LOL - if that's Phoe's actual photo - she doesn't neeeeeed OLD.

 

 

Beyond that, there is exactly nothing wrong, or nothing indicated by someone contacting (anybody) 5 minutes after her profile is first posted. (some of those sites even have prospects prioritized by most recent sign-in)

 

 

Nor is there anything amiss with somebody happening to strike-up an interaction sans photos, and their engaging one another for long enough that somebody is inspired to extend an invite to meet in person.

 

Phoe was probably great company for the role she played in helping that conversation along. If I had to guess, I'd guess that, for having been made to converse in casual settings far more so than most, Phoe is quite experienced at making conversation happen.

 

There is a reasonable chance that, had the same two people met by themselves, they would not have been able to get their conversation off the ground and to a level of shared comfort. Perhaps each would have deemed the meeting a let-down in such a case.

 

IF doing OLD, of course Phoe should lead-off with that photo... and of course she's gonna get hundreds of responses right-off (most from men batting 4-for-100, on average, in terms of replies).

 

OLD mirrors real life, for the likes of Phoe, where the applicants would far out-number the amount of time she has to handle the paperwork. The difference being that she can be and feel safe in the confines of her own home as she sorts out the prospects.

 

OLD wasn't exactly created with the likes of Phoe in mind, however some unique circumstances may make OLD a nice fit, at least for increasing the vast numbers of applicants she can get/(review in some detail) during a certain window of time.

[Ruby Slippers]

I recommend OLD. You'll get out of it what you bring to it.

 

I did OLD only briefly. Before I went on a date with anybody, I checked out the landscape, e-mailed with quite a few guys, and talked to a few on the phone. I never contacted first - just not my style.

 

I eventually was contacted by a guy I saw some potential with, and we went on a date, but there wasn't much there. My boyfriend was the 2nd guy I went on a date with. I was impressed by him immediately. I haven't made up my mind about him yet, but he is a stand-up guy and a catch.

 

What I liked best about OLD is that it got me in touch with guys I probably never would have met normally, guys outside my normal scope - all the way from gangsters to successful business owners, much wider range of ethnicities, all ages.

 

I have a few friends who met their husband or long-term partner on OLD.

 

I recommend it. Just take your time and be selective.

[pteromom]

My only concern about you doing OLD, Phoe, is that comment you made about staying with a guy because he "accepted you". If you do it, just go into it knowing that MOST of the guys you meet won't be a good match for you. Use both your head and your heart, and don't settle for someone who isn't really what you want.

 

You are going to be absolutely bombarded with responses, so be ready.

[pteromom]

 

Now keep in mind I'm terrible at filling out my profile section.

 

Here's your problem. I know from your posts on LS that you are a smart and funny guy, and you HAVE to show who you are on your profile.

 

Women get so many responses that a guy has to stand out... there are so many profiles that are just the same thing over and over.

 

A boring profile for a guy is just as "yikes" as a woman not posting photos.

 

Go ALL OUT in showing who you are. You may still only get 4 replies, but those 4 will be much more likely to actually be interested in you as a person.

 

Not trying to hijack Phoe's thread, but this stuck out to me.

[johan]

Nice story, Phoe. Funny how some jump to the conclusion that various aspects of it all were creepy, weird, or pathetic. I didn't get that from your story. But if she and that guy make something happen, who cares if it was creepy, weird, or pathetic? It's really for her and him to judge.

[holly25]

What is the general opinion about if people really look like the pictures they put up?

 

I met a cutie on plenty of fish, he was my type to the point where even if he did not look just like his pics...I still would've been happy I think. Anyway, I never have thought that maybe, just maybe, he didn't look like his pics.

 

I had a friend set me up with a football player once. He sent me pics via text and looked cute. In person...not as cute.

 

So what do you guys think about online dating overall? People look like their pics or they don't?

[holly25]

By the way, I don't think there is anything wrong with online dating. Meeting someone in person is always better but online dating has it's benefits as well. It really does. Our match isn't always right around the corner or hanging at the local bar or someone we go to school with. Online dating is useful.

[HappyLove]

What is the general opinion about if people really look like the pictures they put up?

 

I met a cutie on plenty of fish, he was my type to the point where even if he did not look just like his pics...I still would've been happy I think. Anyway, I never have thought that maybe, just maybe, he didn't look like his pics.

 

I had a friend set me up with a football player once. He sent me pics via text and looked cute. In person...not as cute.

 

So what do you guys think about online dating overall? People look like their pics or they don't?

 

 

 

99% of the time they will NOT look like their pic. They are usually bigger than they posted or the pic was 10 years old. You see their gut and realize they aren't so "athletic & toned". The sad thing is even though they are balder or bigger at times they are actually still good looking but it's an immediate turn off.

[white]

99% of the time they will NOT look like their pic.

Huh. While I tried it I used totally current, unposed pictures from work and one from a recent wedding. In one of them I looked like Hercules, the uncut timber I was lifting. True story: I got hardly any responses. 1 in 40 sent messages, and a "would like to meet" from a Muslim lass too far away. If that's what to expect with honest pictures, I don't blame any guy for using dishonest and old ones. I wouldn't be so fast to criticise that policy.

[Phoe]

for having been made to converse in casual settings far more so than most, Phoe is quite experienced at making conversation happen.

 

IF doing OLD, of course Phoe should lead-off with that photo...

 

what do you mean "made" to converse?

 

 

I'm not bad at creating conversation though. I can typically avoid awkward silences from happening and can keep things moving even with difficult people.

 

 

If I put a photo up I'd probably put up one of me that isn't that great. I wouldn't want anyone to be disappointed. Some here have accused me of not really looking like my photo, so I wouldn't wanna risk it.

[mario_C]

Good to see OLD finally getting some recognition as a side avenue to RL approaches and networking. Haters will hate but it's just like traditional dating - what you get out of it has everything to do with what you put into it. And doing one does not mean eliminating the other, people.

[SJC2008]

I'm considering OLD because meeting people offline IS a problem for me. I can't get dates, guys friendzone me/don't pursue me romantically, and I am awful at approaching, so it seems the best solution for me is to join a site where people are there SOLELY to date. If someone contacts me, it's for a date, unlike the offline world where everyone maintains polite platonicness with me.

 

 

It's just something I'm considering, just testing out the waters. I wouldn't put all my eggs in one basket, so to speak... nor would I jump in headfirst into anything I couldn't handle or wasn't comfortable with.

 

 

It can't hurt to put up a profile. If I'm unhappy/uncomfortable/not having a good time I can always just delete it

 

Phoe do you make friends with women easier than men?

 

I can relate that you want to meet people and have a hard time doing it IRL but other than the rare success story, OLD is not good for men or women (for different debateable reasons). So if you decide to do it make sure your people picker is spot on:)

[Thegreatestthing]

I just joined yesterday I didn't want to join because the site seems sloppy,badly designed etc.

 

I was bored so I joined,I am amazed by how many messages you get,five times what I get on okcupid,5 messages every hour.

 

biggest thing I noticed most of the guys are from the lower classes,alot more than I noticed on okcupid,and the guys are less clever.

 

Still so far I won't delete my profile because I like the attention, many women do join for that reason,I have no intention of dating these guys,two maybe.

[emva07]

I just joined yesterday I didn't want to join because the site seems sloppy,badly designed etc.

 

I was bored so I joined,I am amazed by how many messages you get,five times what I get on okcupid,5 messages every hour.

 

biggest thing I noticed most of the guys are from the lower classes,alot more than I noticed on okcupid,and the guys are less clever.

 

.

 

Every thing you just said I was about to say (i even joined yesterday as well) except that my comparison is Tinder.

 

I wasn't able to delete my account (have to have it for 24 hrs at least) but in two hours I got about 30 messages (user names that I knew they were up to no good) so I just deleted the app so I wouldn't keep hearing my phone go off all night.

[Phoe]

Phoe do you make friends with women easier than men?

 

No, I have very few female friends. Majority of my good friends that I spend time with are men. :confused:

 

 

I generally have more in common with men than women.

[Phoe]

biggest thing I noticed most of the guys are from the lower classes,alot more than I noticed on okcupid,and the guys are less clever.

.

 

I am not fussed about class, i'm not exactly upper class myself, but if people are generally going to be dumb as rocks I might not be so patient with the system.

 

 

I suppose it's a double edged sword. Join a site that's free but it might be not as great an experience, or pay for a site and end up hating it anyway....

[irc333]

It was probably more awkward for him than it was for you and your friend because he may have had a hard time dealing with you (the friend) being with her on a date.

 

I would never meet someone who brings their friend along, it's a distraction. I'm surprised he agreed to it actually.

 

 

 

So, today, I got a completely unexpected and unintentional taste of what POF may be like in my area.

 

I had plans for lunch with 2 friends today after work, one of whom recently broke up with her boyfriend after he cheated on her with her friend.

 

 

We were heading over to the restaurant and this guy she'd talked to on POF said he was in the area and wanted to meet her. Cool. She agreed and figured since we were gonna be there anyway it would be good to have 2 friends with her.

 

 

The lunch was slightly awkward. The both of them were clearly nervous as could be but it was kind of cute. My friend kept botching up her words and saying weird things. He pretty much clammed up the whole time but kept complimenting my friend on her hair, eyes, etc.

 

 

I tried to keep the convo going between them, lol. Eventually got them on a topic they both had in common and from there they were golden.

 

 

Looks like they will probably go out again

 

 

So perhaps POF might not be a bad choice. It worked out decently for my friend. She didn't put any pictures up on her profile, but he contacted her within 5 minutes of her creating her profile.

 

 

Lately I've been considering some kind of OLD - this was a good indicator of the fact that it might not be bad at all.