the old way/the new way

[secret-name]

the old way:

 

wife makes unreasonable demands (wants more kids approaching 50 after 1 abortion due to birth defect), when husband reacts accordingly and gets a vasectomy, wife freezes husband out sexually and intimately, leaving husband to rot. wife sleeps with child (going on 8 years now) and ignores husband's pleas to fix the relationship, only occasionally throwing him a bone of unenthusiastic "get it over with" quickie sex. after years of this they go to marriage counseling, where the wife accuses husband of domestic violence and abuse, though the only abuse was hers, which was due to an incident when wife had locked husband out of the house due to husband's correctly pointing out that daughter has asthma because wife never cleans. husband kicks the door to get back in the house, breaking glass. wife calls cops. early in session, wife relays this event to counselor, who reports it to CPS, starting an investigation which (thankfully) is now resolved.

 

<desperate for human contact, husband has an affair which is quickly discovered, is shamed into leaving the family home. husband has to go live in a studio apartment and can only see his kids every other weekend. husband is financially and emotionally ruined, becomes an alcoholic, and dies. wife lives happily ever after. *>

 

the new way:

 

after years of being beaten down husband decides to become ****ing awesome. buys a motorcycle. starts working creatively again. takes time off to launch his own projects. more or less checks out of the relationship, understanding that it was already dead anyway with the wife having done this years ago. lets go of trying to be sexual or intimate with his wife, continuing to show compassion when deserved, (in fact recently purchasing a very expensive gold ring for her birthday) but focusing most of his efforts and attentions on his children and himself. tells the wife he has no intention of continuing to be monogamous and that in essence the romantic part of the relationship is finished. wife tells the husband that she has to draw the line in the sand at husband seeing other women, and that if he chooses to do this he needs to move out. husband responds by letting the wife know that she has had no problem denying him of his intimate needs all these years and that was a betrayal as well; following her logic she should have moved out years ago. he reminds her that they live in a big, expensive city and rents have tripled since they found their little house, and it would be impossible for the husband to move out now unless he decided to leave town. husband likes his house and sees no real reason why he should leave. Since they have more or less been living as room mates all these years this doesn't seem like much of an adjustment to make. husband has already said that any extracurricular sexual / intimate activity will be discreet and away from the family home. wife continues to harangue the husband that if he wants to mess around he needs to move out. husband reminds the wife that his name is on the lease, and that her rules of insisting the husband remain monogamous in a passive-agressive witholding pattern of the wife's is not actually in the lease agreement, nor is it anyplace other then her own mind. husband informs the wife that he "completely understands" if wife decides to move, and that he is happy to find another room-mate to replace her with. husband proceeds to fill out many online dating profiles and finds many young ladies to flirt with while he continues his plan of re-invention at the still-young age of 42.

 

TO BE CONTINUED…

 

* did not happen

Edited September 9, 2013 by secret-name

[Philosoraptor]

While I don't agree with staying in an unhappy marriage and choosing to go the infidelity route versus ending it... it is refreshing to see people have been less accepting of misery and have gained a bit more backbone.