Delaine30 Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 I met on-line last winter a very nice guy. I really was not too interested in him at first...But he was very sweet, good to me, ect. and I guess you could say he really grew on me the more we talked and were together. He had been very open about getting his heart broken months before by his fiancé leaving him for another man. She did this twice, he took her back , and then she left him again for the same person months later. Needless to say he was crushed and devastated. In the beginning of our courtship he was very hot on the pursuit with me. Seemed just crazy about me, and I was flattered but a little freaked out and told him we needed to slow down as we are still getting to know one another. Well, we dated for about 3 months and then HE started to became distant, very withdrawn from me. Almost like he did a 180. At this point I really have feelings for him and care for him and not interested in dating other men. We get into a slight argument on the phone and he hangs up on me. Well, we never spoke again and I thought it was the end of that. Fast forward to 4 Months later which is now, I get in the actual mail a 2.5 page letter from him. Asking for my forgiveness, saying how great, wonderful, beautiful I was, basically saying he was an angry person as a result of his Ex and didn't realize it. That he was a ticking time bomb waiting to explode and that I happened to be the recipient. he said he used the time we were apart to work on himself and didn't date at all. He said he spent so much time loving someone that didn't deserve it that he was blinded great to something in front of him... He was very sorry and said he very much wanted to be a part of my life again if I would have him. It was a very kind letter and I called him and of course forgave him and said no hard feelings. Sooo here is where I don't know what to think. We have seen each other a few times since then and have texted and called some in-between but it is still very slow. When I see him we act like we are dating (kissing, affectionate, we have been intimate). I asked him what his intentions are with me and he said he really didn't know. I can tell he just doesn't want to 'open up' so I try to just act cool. I really like him and have feelings for him but I can't figure him out. Is this a case of emotionally unavailable? I know he cares for me, as we would not of taken the time to write me after 3 months- But its kind of driving me crazy. sometimes I hear from him on a regular basis, and then it will go a week without talking . I do let him initiate all texting/calling to the point where he asked me why I never texted him first and wondered if I was upset. Since he said that I have been trying to text him a little here and there. It is just hard for me to understand if he thinks I am just sooo great then why can't he give me more like he did at first? It makes me feel like he is not interested in me and has been hard on my self-esteem. Will he get over his ex? Is there anything I can do to make him see that I am better than she was and will treat him so well? Please help and be kind Thanks !!!
Adele0908 Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 I think you should not over-think it too much. Try not to play games of "should I call or not". Call him if you feel like calling. Be real. Be yourself. Be authentic. Don't you call your friends if you feel like it? Do that with him. It might help if you try to see him as just a friend right now. Asking him questions like, "What are your intentions with me" makes you appear insecure. It makes it seem like you gave him your power. It's like giving your power away. Also it puts him on the spot. He may not know yet what he wants from you, and it might make him uncomfortable to be asked a question he doesn't have an answer to. Instead, ask "What are you looking for right now". There is less pressure put on him when you ask it that way. You have to believe in yourself. You have to believe that you are worthy and lovable. You should believe that he would want you more than ex. Competing with someone you don't even know will just drive you crazy. It will keep you trapped in insecurity. You'll be asking yourself questions like, "Am I prettier than her", "Am I smarter", "Am I better than she is?" Which will just keep you insecure. Those type of questions are a trap. It produces an endless cycle you can never win. If you want him to want you more than his ex, you have to believe in yourself and be confident, and know how to use your feminine side to draw him into you.
Author Delaine30 Posted September 10, 2013 Author Posted September 10, 2013 Thank you for your reply. I think you are right, I tend to over think things too much. I am just going to try and be his friend right now , seems that's what he needs most. It may be hard but this will show him how cool I can be , I am confident of that for sure !! Thanks again, I appreciate you taking the time to reply to me. 2
HappyLove Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 And since he can't promise any type of commitment I hope you're not just sitting there waiting! You should be dating others and looking out for what's best for you as well! 1
Author Delaine30 Posted September 10, 2013 Author Posted September 10, 2013 I am not going to just wait. It would not be good for me, I know. It is just hard when you want to be with someone and they are not in the same place you are. He use to seem so into me and crazy about me, I guess I just really wish he would be that way again. It is hard for me to see how he could seem so into someone and then just need space and come back but be aloof, and more friend like.
Adele0908 Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 Thank you for your reply. I think you are right, I tend to over think things too much. I am just going to try and be his friend right now , seems that's what he needs most. It may be hard but this will show him how cool I can be , I am confident of that for sure !! Thanks again, I appreciate you taking the time to reply to me. You're welcome. I think you're headed in the right direction. You seem relaxed and somewhat at peace. Don't force yourself to date other people if you don't really feel like it. Just do what makes you feel good for now.
Recommended Posts