dilhrchick Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 I'll try to keep it short. My husband (he's 28 I'm 42) got married shortly after meeting. He got me cuz he was fun and seemed responsible and made me laugh. I fell head over heels. Shortly before the wedding, things started going wrong but I ignored it. Fast forward a year. He is addicted to online gaming, won't get/keep a job, has had multiple inappropriate contacts with women online, and eventually cheated on me. When he cheated, things were (I thought) finally going better for us. We were planning to move to a new city, so he went ahead to get us a place. He was without me for 1 1/2 weeks when it happened. I found out 2 days before we were supposed to move. I had left my very well paying job, all our $ was gone on the scheduled move and renting a new house, and I had nowhere to go. My credit is also shot since meeting him. He is terrible with money and I lost all the battles. He begged me and said he'd do anything to get me back. I fell for it. We moved. For a whole 2 days he was very apologetic and seemed to be trying to make it up to me. Then it stopped. The day we got the internet hooked up in the house he started gaming again. I was working 2 jobs, killing my back while he played. I told him to leave. He left. Now I'm heartbroken. I know he's a liar, a cheater and too immature and inconsiderate to be good for me. I have felt for a long time that we wouldn't last, even before the cheating. Now I'm stuck in a town I hate, in a house that's infested with roaches in a dangerous neighborhood. I quit the 2nd job because it hurt my back so much. I have an ok job, but it doesn't pay well. Knowing everything that he's done to me, WHY CAN'T I LET HIM GO IN MY HEART???? Why do I feel like I'm dying inside??? I have no family in this state. I know 1 girl from my job and she's awesome, but nobody can make me feel better. I can't break my lease cuz my credit is shot and the next place I live will be just as bad if I do. My 16 yr old daughter is sympathetic to what's going on, but she's tired of moving too. I just want to stop hurting. I don't know how to accept in my mind that its over, even after everything he did. Before I met him, I was single by choice and happy for 4-5 years. I'm attractive, intelligent, independent and a fun person. But I also suffer from depression and can't get meds because I have no insurance. I just want help getting through the days without wanting to die.........
SincereOnlineGuy Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 My 16 yr old daughter I was reading through this, and imagining a house of cards just falling, getting worse with each passing day, but upon reaching the end of this post, I can clearly see that it could have been far worse. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, and you will do fine in time... (I just wrote a lengthy post to someone else which parallels the answer to "Why (can't you) let him go in your heart?" )
Author dilhrchick Posted September 10, 2013 Author Posted September 10, 2013 Thank you for your reply. It seemed I wouldn't even get a reply on here. I never thought about anything inappropriate happening concerning him and my daughter, but you're right, that would have been much worse. He actually told me today flat out that if he can't bring his computer with him, he won't even try to come back and work on the marriage. I think I knew he would say that, but needed to actually hear it. I held firm, as hard as it was. Can you give me some info on the other post that you responded to? I'd like to read it please. Again, thank you for your kind words....and giving me a different perspective. Right now I'm hurting so bad that I simply have tunnel vision and don't see a way out of the tunnel yet.
hopefulfaerie Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 I have been watching this post, hoping for helpful replies for you. I don't really feel like I can give you anything helpful only because our situations are so different. Hopefully someone that has or is going through something similar will post here. However, the one thing that is similar to my story unfortunately, is pain. I'm so sorry you are hurting right now!!! I truly mean that. Broken hearts are terrifying, lonely, painful and it just plain sucks to have one!!! Thinking of you and hope you can get some peace from all the madness sooner than later. Stay strong my friend!
JDPT Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 First understand that as excruciating at this may feel you have made the right decision by letting him go. You have vividly posted how this person has been nothing but a detriment to you in every aspect and now you are alone (by choice, which is a good thing) to pick up the pieces on your own. You sounding a very strong woman who gave her all but sadly found someone who couldn't do the same and appreciate you just as much. Hold yourself at high regards and know that you have your whole life ahead of you, no need to dwell over someone who did nothing but bring you down. This statement I read certainly resonates with your situation: "a partner is supposed to help you grow and viceversa, not bring you down." Take it a day at a time, start sorting your life again and find the strength to propel yourself forward.
Apparition Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 I've been in a similar situation to yours before but didn't marry or move in together (thank god). We were engaged, and just before we got engaged things started to creep up that I ignored. After we were engaged, things started to spiral out of control with her. She was a pothead, liked to party a lot and LOVED attention from men (Yes, she was a cheater, too). I expected her to change when I broke up with her and bought her sob story when taking her back. But of course, she didn't. It took me months to get over her. I, too, felt like I was dying inside. It was a struggle just to get out of bed. In the end, though, I realised that she would always be this way with any man she ends up with because it's just the way she is, it's her as a person and hardly anyone will put up with that *****. Think about it, who's going to put up with your ex when he isn't interested in nothing but gaming and sex with other women even when he's already got a nice woman in front of him? No woman will. So then, why should YOU feel like you're dying inside when you are the one who provided for him and took on all his ***** ? You were/are the strong one. He has nothing, he is nothing. It should be him who feels like he is dying inside, not you. However, that will come around soon and bite him in the ass for what he's done and does to other women. You may live in a ***** house right now because of him, but it could be worse. He could've had the house and you could've been on the streets with your daughter. As for your back, I'd go see a doctor about that, your health has to come first otherwise you won't be able to provide any longer if you end up injuring yourself.
Author dilhrchick Posted September 10, 2013 Author Posted September 10, 2013 Thank you so much everyone for your encouraging words. They really do help. Keep them coming though, I need everything I can get...
todreaminblue Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 (edited) I'll try to keep it short. My husband (he's 28 I'm 42) got married shortly after meeting. He got me cuz he was fun and seemed responsible and made me laugh. I fell head over heels. Shortly before the wedding, things started going wrong but I ignored it. Fast forward a year. He is addicted to online gaming, won't get/keep a job, has had multiple inappropriate contacts with women online, and eventually cheated on me. When he cheated, things were (I thought) finally going better for us. We were planning to move to a new city, so he went ahead to get us a place. He was without me for 1 1/2 weeks when it happened. I found out 2 days before we were supposed to move. I had left my very well paying job, all our $ was gone on the scheduled move and renting a new house, and I had nowhere to go. My credit is also shot since meeting him. He is terrible with money and I lost all the battles. He begged me and said he'd do anything to get me back. I fell for it. We moved. For a whole 2 days he was very apologetic and seemed to be trying to make it up to me. Then it stopped. The day we got the internet hooked up in the house he started gaming again. I was working 2 jobs, killing my back while he played. I told him to leave. He left. Now I'm heartbroken. I know he's a liar, a cheater and too immature and inconsiderate to be good for me. I have felt for a long time that we wouldn't last, even before the cheating. Now I'm stuck in a town I hate, in a house that's infested with roaches in a dangerous neighborhood. I quit the 2nd job because it hurt my back so much. I have an ok job, but it doesn't pay well. Knowing everything that he's done to me, WHY CAN'T I LET HIM GO IN MY HEART???? Why do I feel like I'm dying inside??? I have no family in this state. I know 1 girl from my job and she's awesome, but nobody can make me feel better. I can't break my lease cuz my credit is shot and the next place I live will be just as bad if I do. My 16 yr old daughter is sympathetic to what's going on, but she's tired of moving too. I just want to stop hurting. I don't know how to accept in my mind that its over, even after everything he did. Before I met him, I was single by choice and happy for 4-5 years. I'm attractive, intelligent, independent and a fun person. But I also suffer from depression and can't get meds because I have no insurance. I just want help getting through the days without wanting to die......... One of the reasons i have never actually had a relationship with a guy younger than me is about maturity levels.........he is erratic and not a suitable role model for your daughter which you do really have to consider...he doesnt say how he really feels and makes out is ok instead of being an adult man and facing challenges together...he cant even be honest....let alone be someone for yrou daughter to respect or give advice to your daughter one day and have her heed it, what is right for her or possibly wrong for her.how can she respect him when he has shown no respect for you or real love for you.......go for it or yolo is not an answer that you need from a role model or father figure..killing zomnbies on a tv screen is nto beneficial to you or your daughter.you need a guy who will stand up.....you need stability for you and for your daughter......even if he does come back he will run again at the first sign of trouble because he isnt man enough yet( maybe never) to deal with what life and relationships mean......compromise, respect, commitment and most importantly love....love is what cements the relationship together to keep you at each others side through difficulties and disagreements and compromise is only effective if done with mutual love, honesty and understanding...he doesnt get it....because he doesnt have it...he doesnt have conviction or courage to stand up let alone stand beside you when the going gets rough... i am so sorry you had to uproot and move to find out what you have about him and you were single by choice for four to five years before meeting him.....you are now single not by your choice but by his....that is why it is better to know someone before you marry them really well, even then, mistakes can be made btu you are more likely to be able to handle them if they crop up,..the only mistake you did was trust him when you didnt know him well enough.......but now you do .....please let him go....and heal yourself.......you really do need to heal now and its going to hurt for quite a while....do not take him back ...there is no avoiding break up pain you have to accept it and do the best you can to be with those who love you and do the things you love to do...i feel really bad for you.....all i can say is.....i really hope the best for you and your daughter and a brighter future when you can pull yourself back up from where he dragged you to...you can do it......you will do it, because you can do it..do nto marry anyone who you feel uncrtain about ever again...never move you and your child for a guy who has already proven himself to be a risk....ilearned my lesson too the hard way............(((((((hugs))))))))))))).deb Edited September 11, 2013 by todreaminblue
SincereOnlineGuy Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 Can you give me some info on the other post that you responded to? I'd like to read it please. If you click on my name, you can click "find more posts by SincereOnlineGuy" and they will then appear, in the order which I posted. Find that first one to you, and then look at the one right before it... (or maybe 2 before it - should be easy to figure out which applies to you)
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