Greydaughter Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Hi everyone, Thanks for taking the time to read this. I appreciate it. My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. We are both in our mid to late twenties. When I met him, i was fresh out of an abusive relationship that absolutely broke me. For his part, he had never been in a serious relationship before. I can't say that there was ever that over the moon phase for me. I was drawn to him though, I liked myself and the way I felt around him. He was calm, loving, gentle. We are professional musicians and started making music together. The musical connection is undoubtedly the best I've ever had. It only seemed natural that we become a couple. We toured together and had a magical first year. We were best friend lovers. The sex started off terribly though. He had no idea what he was doing but I showed him what I liked and it became decent, though not quite explosive. A year later, I slept with someone else. Then a year after that, again. Then this summer, two people. They were never people I wanted to date, it was always a one time, casual sex thing. I suppose this is where some of you may judge me, but i never told him and i won't because all that will do is relieve my guilt but hurt him unbearably. It goes without saying that it seems I have never sexually been fulfilled in this relationship. It's difficult to talk about it because it just seems to make the both of us feel less sexy. We've had sex maybe 10 times this whole summer. We've completely become codependent. He cooks everything, and I clean. We don't live together but hardly spend a night apart. Our friend circle has merged, but mainly in the sense that my friends have become his as all his friends have moved cities. I've started to feel suffocated, wondered whatever happened to romance and passion. What are we doing, anyways? There are no pressing plans to live together though now that he senses me pulling away he brings it up more. I feel that we are both stagnating, stuck in our cozy, complacent cucoon. The more I pull away, the more I feel his desperation, the more I feel anxious. I went on a trip for a month alone and came back wanting a completely different thing. I could hardly kiss him. Then I said I needed a week to think about things. And here I am, two days before we meet again. I love him. I'm just not sure if I'm in love with, or have ever been. But if this makes any sense, he still seems like my Soul mate. We understand each other without words and give each other only love. We never fight or put each other down, we only want the best for each other and encourage one another on our goals. It just feels like somehow my goals have become his and I've lost my individuality. Is there merit in staying? How can I move forward? Is this good enough? Is being in love overrated? I was completely broken the last time I was in love, and miserable. Here, I am content but uninspired. What are your thoughts?
barky2 Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 You may hate me...but thank me later. * sigh * He deserves better. You've CHEATED 4 times on this guy? How long was it before you left your abusive relationship before you entered this one? Seems like a rebound. But YOUR co dependent. R u afraid of being alone? Your going to hurt this guy. But I really strongly believe you need to figure out the demons in your own head before being with anyone else. Honestly you will hear the backlash on this site because you are, in fact, a lying cheater. I'm not judging you. I want you to open your damn eyes. Your content? Good let him go and let HIM find someone who DESERVES him. I have zero sympathy for you, and if your coming on here for sympathy..I highly down you'll find it. Wake up and smell the coffee. Smell it? Good. Let this guy go, he deserved better. Barky 1
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