Radioguy81 Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 My ex wife sent me a picture of our 4 year old son this morning. She let him put a blue hair gel in his fauxhawk. It turns the area blue but washes out at night. I find it tacky to be worn in public this way. I told my ex I'm just glad it washes out because it looks tacky. She says I'm being up tight and that "he wants a dad that thinks it's cool." I told her blue hair shouldn't be up for debate in public but if he wants to wear around the house with her that's ok. Am I being uptight or am I ok with telling her exactly how I feel?
Faith13/2 Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 He's four, I bet he does find his blue hair quite cool.. Think you're overreacting a bit. Let him have fun, they're only young once 2
pteromom Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Both. You are being uptight AND it is OK to tell her how you feel. Temporary hair color is no big deal... if you don't like it, don't let him wear it when he is with you. 2
SincereOnlineGuy Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 4 year old has blue hair. When they start letting him order off of the seniors menu at Denny's, then start worrying.
almond Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 (edited) Ya, I personally think this is a little uptight - but you're completely entitled to your feelings of course. Some people may look at it in public and scoff silently, but good luck to them. Your little boy is probably strutting around thinking he's the coolest little dude ever, and I think that's adorable! Your ex probably sent you that photo thinking you'd find it cute, so she is likely disappointed in your reaction. It's okay to tell her how you feel, but I guess, maybe sometimes it's best to pick your battles. That is completely up to you though, and there's no wrong or right (within reason) when it comes to expressing your feelings. Edited September 10, 2013 by almond
Lillyfree Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 i feel like it's more that you're trying to find something wrong with your ex's parenting than truly being bothered that your kid has blue gel in his hair. as someone else said, pick your battles. and if that's the worst thing she's doing, don't think you have much to worry about. 1
Shepp Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 I don't see theres anything wrong with that - but that's my opinion, your entitled to your own. I remember when I was a 5 or 6 I used to go swimming with my best mate and afterwards we used to get those fake tattoos from the machine in the lobby - they washed off after a few days. I think that's a similar kinda thing - but I turned out alright (debatable ). My mum and dad both don't like tattoos but they didn't mind that - it was just a bit of fun. The one thing I would say Is if you feel so strongly then okay make your point but pick your battles - I think it's nice that you have a relationship with your ex where she keeps you so in the loop, she won't do it if all she gets is a headache! I dunno, if it's worth it to you then it's worth it, but even if you didn't think much of it a quick text of 'he pulls off cool dude better than I ever have ' might of saved a lot of drama, and make your voice mean more when you do put your foot down - in both your ex's and your sons mind. Remember he likes his hair and he won't be 4 forever one day he'll be 18 and if he dyes his hair all the cool ours under the sun all you can do is support him. For the record I got a tattoo in the end - my folks will never understand it but even my mum did say that as tattoos go it was 'quite a nice one' and meaningful.
Shepp Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 Some people may look at it in public and scoff silently, but good luck to them. Your little boy is probably strutting around thinking he's the coolest little dude ever, and I think that's adorable! Your ex probably sent you that photo thinking you'd find it cute, so she is likely disappointed in your reaction. Agree! I don't think anyone wins by coming to blows over this - including your little boy!
JamesM Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 Overreacting. And I am quite conservative in most areas. When it comes to children and fashion and hair, then I am more lenient. A couple of years ago, my wife and I went to the salon and a young boy (6 or 7) was getting his hair colored blue and put into a mohawk. His mother said he wanted it and she did it so that he felt unique and gained confidence from not blending in with the crowd. She felt that he could gain some security by dealing with people's comments about his hair. Oddly enough, I thought it looked good.
bentleychic Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 It's just hair and it's very temporary. Wait until he starts asking for piercings and tattoos. My kid had a blue mohawk around 10 years old. It's just hair. Nothing to get fussed over.
carhill Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 Better blue than pink As far as uptight and telling her how you feel, those are separate issues IMO. If this is a one-time deal, I'd opine you're likely overreacting to it. If other, case by case. I think honest communication, provided that communication is respectful, is healthy. So, I think you're correct in the act of telling her how you feel about your son wearing blue hair.
ASG Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 Hmmm... I have blue hair. And sometimes it's green or pink or purple... I change my hair a lot, but the theme is always with the crazy colours. They wash out. I'm also currently sporting an Aliens temporary tattoo (you know, like the ones that used to come with kids cakes). I'm 30! I think this is all quite cool! That is to say, yes, I think you are being uptight. It's not like he's gotten a permanent tattoo or piercing. And you have to be prepared for the fact that he just might, when he's old enough. Relax. But that being said, I think you are well within your rights to express it to your ex.
nittygritty Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 For a day of fun, I don't see a problem. If it were a temporary everyday thing I wouldn't be okay with it. I don't think you are being too uptight about it. I also think your ex probably knows you wouldn't like it. Is it possible that she is just trying to irritate you? I always wonder if the parents are on drugs when I see little kids with "kool aid" colored hair, strange mohawks, etc. Kids need boundaries and to be taught what's acceptable and not acceptable, including over-the-top hairstyles.
ASG Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 For a day of fun, I don't see a problem. If it were a temporary everyday thing I wouldn't be okay with it. I don't think you are being too uptight about it. I also think your ex probably knows you wouldn't like it. Is it possible that she is just trying to irritate you? I always wonder if the parents are on drugs when I see little kids with "kool aid" colored hair, strange mohawks, etc. Kids need boundaries and to be taught what's acceptable and not acceptable, including over-the-top hairstyles. Why are "over-the-top hairstyles" not acceptable? Serious question. It's something that I have honest trouble understanding. As I mentioned in my previous post, my hair is mostly "kool aid" coloured. Not completely, but I have a fair few streaks of hair dyed. I mostly get complimented on my hair. My day job in general doesn't have an issue with it. but I've also had jobs where it was simply not allowed. And I don't understand why. It says NOTHING about my personality, nothing about my skill, nothing about my behaviour. So why is it unacceptable to have weirdly coloured hair? 1
Radu Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 I see a problem with it, but like others have pointed out ... pick your battles.
Miss Sisyphus Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 I think it's tacky too. I believe little kids should be natural-looking, not small versions of teenagers. But hey, maybe if I let my daughter color her hair blue she would develop some self confidence, too, huh? If that's how it works, I could solve a lot of her problems for less than $10. By the way, I think it was also tacky of your ex to say that your son wants a dad who's cool. She should be defending you to him. 1
nittygritty Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 Why are "over-the-top hairstyles" not acceptable? Serious question. It's something that I have honest trouble understanding. As I mentioned in my previous post, my hair is mostly "kool aid" coloured. Not completely, but I have a fair few streaks of hair dyed. I mostly get complimented on my hair. My day job in general doesn't have an issue with it. but I've also had jobs where it was simply not allowed. And I don't understand why. It says NOTHING about my personality, nothing about my skill, nothing about my behaviour. So why is it unacceptable to have weirdly coloured hair? A little kid with "Kool-Aid" colored hair or some other "over-the-top" hairstyle may get teased by other kids. Some parents of other kids may wonder if the kid's parents are on drugs or what kind of home life the kid has and not allow their kids to go play at the kid's house. Some parents of other kids wouldn't want their kids to get any ideas about getting "Kool-Aid" colored hair so they might not invite the kid over for play dates or birthday parties. I don't think that "Kool-Aid" colored hair would have been in my child's best interest. My kids are mostly grown but when they were younger I wouldn't have allowed them to have "Kool-Aid" colored hair. Neither ever wanted it. Nor do they want or have tattoos, facial piercings or ear gauges. I taught them that it wasn't a good thing for them to do to themselves. I didn't want them to have limited career options. I don't know why it is unacceptable to some employers but I know it is.
ASG Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 A little kid with "Kool-Aid" colored hair or some other "over-the-top" hairstyle may get teased by other kids. Some parents of other kids may wonder if the kid's parents are on drugs or what kind of home life the kid has and not allow their kids to go play at the kid's house. Some parents of other kids wouldn't want their kids to get any ideas about getting "Kool-Aid" colored hair so they might not invite the kid over for play dates or birthday parties. I don't think that "Kool-Aid" colored hair would have been in my child's best interest. My kids are mostly grown but when they were younger I wouldn't have allowed them to have "Kool-Aid" colored hair. Neither ever wanted it. Nor do they want or have tattoos, facial piercings or ear gauges. I taught them that it wasn't a good thing for them to do to themselves. I didn't want them to have limited career options. I don't know why it is unacceptable to some employers but I know it is. See, I think we should fight that kind of mentality. It's the same kind of mentality that says gay people are sick and should be avoided. I dyed my hair constantly and have done so for the past several years. I have had a few friends, parents to small girls, ask me for hair dyes they can use. The dyes are harmless to the hair and wash out in a month or two. Seems it's the latest rage amongst 10 years olds, to have the ends of their hair dipped in some sort of crazy colour! 1
amy10 Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 I think your son is probably just trying to get you to tell him he looks cool or something that gives him a bit of self confidence and attention from you. He like all other little boys want their dads to be proud of them and notice things they do. It is wash out hair dye but I can understand If you don't lkike it. I think you ex wife let him do it as she takes care of him and hears about his feeling when your not there. So she let him do it so he had some more conection with you.
nittygritty Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 See, I think we should fight that kind of mentality. It's the same kind of mentality that says gay people are sick and should be avoided. I dyed my hair constantly and have done so for the past several years. I have had a few friends, parents to small girls, ask me for hair dyes they can use. The dyes are harmless to the hair and wash out in a month or two. Seems it's the latest rage amongst 10 years olds, to have the ends of their hair dipped in some sort of crazy colour! I don't think people choose to be homosexual or heterosexual. Choosing to wear "Kool-Aid" colored hair, visible tattoos, facial piercings, ear gauges etc. is completely different. An adult chooses to do that to themselves. Many schools and companies have dress code policies that don't allow it.
ASG Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 I don't think people choose to be homosexual or heterosexual. Choosing to wear "Kool-Aid" colored hair, visible tattoos, facial piercings, ear gauges etc. is completely different. An adult chooses to do that to themselves. Many schools and companies have dress code policies that don't allow it. we agree that being gay or not is not a choice and piercings, tattoos, and crazy hair colours are. But I still think that discrimination based on those choices is wrong and shouldn't exist. For instance, one of my best friends is a nurse and works in a cardiothoracic ICU. She is COVERED in tattoos and her hair is usually dyed a weird colour. Would she do a better job without tattoos? This is my point. I *know* it exists, I just don't think it should. And people like you, perpetuating this "blue hair colour is not acceptable" mantra just makes this kind of discrimination last longer than it should. Which is why I said the OP was being too uptight. He is entitled to his opinion, of course, but I was trying to make people understand that having blue/green/pink/purple hair says nothing about a person. Neither do tattoos or piercings. That's all
JamesM Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 Again, I think you may be overreacting, but I do not think it is wrong to express your opinion regarding his hair. Not at all. Yet my opinion is that colored hair is not an issue. I don't think this can be related to tattoos or gender or race or even sexual orientation. Hair color can be changed. BTW, in a local shop, there are two female workers who change their hair color periodically. Blue to pink to red to black....most of the time it looks good on them. Unique, yes. Both are beauty school students.
hotgurl Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 I think you are overreacting. It is just a hot trend and has been for some time. It is temp dye will wash out and is harmless. As he gets older there are going to be lots of style he tries that you won't like. It is part of growing up. My kid is a good kid and if she want to dress how she wants were her hair how she want. Ok with me. Her boobs and but needed to be covered and it had to be compliant with the schools dress code. She went through a goth phase a punk phase a prep phase. Tattoos and piercing were not allowed until she was 18. With the exceptions of ear and I did get her a belly button ring at 16. I remember having so many fights with my mom about clothes. It got ugly and really started to affect our relationship negatively. And it was just a different style generational thing. I wasn't hurting anyone. As for the OP who said that the kid would get made fun of parents will judge you etcc... That really says more about the parents/kids than the person with colored hair. I taught my daughter to be strong enough to be herself and f anyone who gives her crap about it. They are being the petty ones. 1
Ryan_Talon Posted September 12, 2013 Posted September 12, 2013 I agree with the majority,I think your over reacting a tad! I'd of never been the type of lad to dye my hair, but if your boy enjoys standing out from the crowd that shows a good strong character, be proud of him! Ryan
nittygritty Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 we agree that being gay or not is not a choice and piercings, tattoos, and crazy hair colours are. But I still think that discrimination based on those choices is wrong and shouldn't exist. For instance, one of my best friends is a nurse and works in a cardiothoracic ICU. She is COVERED in tattoos and her hair is usually dyed a weird colour. Would she do a better job without tattoos? This is my point. I *know* it exists, I just don't think it should. And people like you, perpetuating this "blue hair colour is not acceptable" mantra just makes this kind of discrimination last longer than it should. Which is why I said the OP was being too uptight. He is entitled to his opinion, of course, but I was trying to make people understand that having blue/green/pink/purple hair says nothing about a person. Neither do tattoos or piercings. That's all I understand what you are stating but I also think it depends. Someone with a visible tattoo of a shamrock may be Irish, just like four-leaf clovers or be a member of a white supremacist gang like the Aryan brotherhood. Something seemingly innocent, may not be. When my daughter was around middle school age, some kids thought it was cool for girls to wear different colored jelly bracelets. Then school officials sent home letters to every parent saying that the school board had voted to not allow students to wear them to school. And that the different color of jelly bracelets could have different meanings. Did school officials overreact? Maybe or maybe not. Where I live, school dress code policies don't allow kids to wear "Kool-Aid" colored hair to school or what is considered by them to be "distracting". I had to teach them what was acceptable and unacceptable to wear. "Kool-Aid" colored hair is mostly seen in young adults who are artists, musicians, work in hair salons or other creative types of professions. Unfortunately, locally, it is also seen in unemployed people that have drug or alcohol addictions. Many companies have employee dress code policies that don't allow it. I didn't want my kids to limit their career options. That is all I meant.
Recommended Posts