Bandito Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 so, since being dumped i've been going crazy. right after the break up my emotions are all over the place. i began to have anger towards her, accusing her of things. then go around begging and pleading. i tell her that i'm over her and i wish her the best, but a couple of weeks later i'm back to wanting her back. she use to be the same way, but now she's ignoring me completely. we've had so many arguments about everything, now its just silence. its really bugging me because i apologized a million times, and now i'm just cut off. i don't know what to do. if i go no contact, i feel it would drive me more mad. how can i get her to come around again? what are the right words to use?
petall Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Takes 2 to make a relationship. If she's moved on, nothing you can do. No contact is very hard but you have to do it or you'll never get past this break-up. It's like an open wound and she's the salt.
Chi townD Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 I agree, dude. It takes two to tango. She's walking away. This was her choice. She wants to go and she's walking away. There's nothing you can do about it. I know that's not what you hear. But, to be honest, if you can walk away with your head held high and with YOUR DIGNITY intact, later down the road, she'll respect the fact that you didn't come crawling to her; begging and pleading and embarrassing yourself AND HER. That you showed you were a man and did the adult thing and walked away. Plus, even though you don't see it now, you'll look back and say to yourself that you didn't lose your dignity or your self respect. Time to man up, heal and move on! 1
reddragon588 Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Is it normal to be confused and hurt after a breakup? Yes. She is going NC, it would be best for you to do the same. After the begging and pleading you mentioned, it will get her attention and make her curious as to what happened. 1
Author Bandito Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 I agree, dude. It takes two to tango. She's walking away. This was her choice. She wants to go and she's walking away. There's nothing you can do about it. I know that's not what you hear. But, to be honest, if you can walk away with your head held high and with YOUR DIGNITY intact, later down the road, she'll respect the fact that you didn't come crawling to her; begging and pleading and embarrassing yourself AND HER. That you showed you were a man and did the adult thing and walked away. Plus, even though you don't see it now, you'll look back and say to yourself that you didn't lose your dignity or your self respect. Time to man up, heal and move on! i get what you're saying. but she already has this vision of me being needy and clingy. i know i lost her respect, i'm just worried if i can regain it in the future.
barky2 Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 What's the opposite of needy and clingy? No contact. Think about it. Barky 3
Chi townD Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 You can. And it's by walking way with your head held high. Someone already wrote that she EXPECTS you to be begging and pleading. And, have done that in the past. So, this may be something new she never expected from you. Do expect her to come running back to you. She'll be more curious and she's throw out some breadcrumbs. IGNORE THEM!!!!! 2
Farsight Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 I've been doing the same for about a month. Thinking about how to get her back. I can only say a lot of us now how you feel. It completely sucks. There is no right answer. If see does NC then you definetly have to give here space. There is a 1 in a hunderd shot though that one good action makes her want you back. But you must have a lot of courage for that, And there are so many variables. Even I (psychology major) can't tell what I have to do.
Author Bandito Posted September 10, 2013 Author Posted September 10, 2013 You can. And it's by walking way with your head held high. Someone already wrote that she EXPECTS you to be begging and pleading. And, have done that in the past. So, this may be something new she never expected from you. Do expect her to come running back to you. She'll be more curious and she's throw out some breadcrumbs. IGNORE THEM!!!!! you sure about that, just disappear and she'll come running back? idk, from the looks of it she's pretty pissed off at me. saying "i never want to see or hear from you again!" wish i could turn the tables on her, and make her be in my position.
melell Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 Tough lesson to learn. Chances are that she will never come back. You have the rest of your life ahead of you. Your options are let go, move on, and create your own happiness. Or continue this cycle and let a person who has walked away from you dictate how you feel. There will come a time when you accept this, it is better to come sooner or later. The relief you feel (although there is sadness) when you decide/understand that is over for good, will save you from all of this. This is a process, I have been there. 2
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 you sure about that, just disappear and she'll come running back? idk, from the looks of it she's pretty pissed off at me. saying "i never want to see or hear from you again!" wish i could turn the tables on her, and make her be in my position. No....you're not understanding this. You dont not talk and they just come running back to you. Not talking isnt some voodoo magic or anything. Its just moving on from it and becoming a better person. She choose not to be in a relationship with you anymore and that blows, but there is nothing you can do about it. The only real thing you CAN do is move on. Again, it sucks, but it beats the alternative of beating yourself up 24/7 about it and keep suffering. 1
melell Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 I just want to add- The Denial Stage. Everyone goes through this, and it sounds like you are there. Depending on how you handle it, IMO, it can last days, or years. It is the most important stage to get through when it comes to healing. Some people will mention 'hope' with this. I think it is the mind set where how you feel rests upon the idea that things could work out, they could come back, you could talk them around, nc will make them see differently etc etc. It is a time where you struggle to comprehend the reality of the situation, the reality that someone is no longer in your life- it is just you-and your only emotional outlet is yourself. It is really hard to deal with these truths, very frustrating. I know that now you are shut out, and it seems very unlikely they will speak to you again, so you being in the denial stage seems a bit illogical. But it is your emotional response that counts. Your thoughts are still revolving around this new 'reality'. It is like a defense mechanism, but it is part of the process. Fight your instinct to think about yourself in relation to your ex at all, and put all your effort into accepting what your life is now. The longer you think about the way things played out, or think about being together again, then the longer it will take you to heal and feel better. I was in denial for a good month, the denial ended about a week into no contact. It is hard at first but it gets better each day. I know nc has been forced on you, but it is a HUGE favor. If my ex had gone no contact with me from day 1, I would be a month ahead of where I am at now.
JDPT Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 She is not coming back, no need to hang onto hope. Simply dust yourself off and move forward.
Author Bandito Posted September 10, 2013 Author Posted September 10, 2013 f**k! it hurts hella much! i'm so pissed at her.
vendaboyhuli Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 I did the same , I begged , pleaded , cried , used every pathetic way to get her back , I did this for 1-2 months than after that I used NC , strict NC , it was hard for me , everyday passed without talking to her felt like my head was going to explode , but as time proceed I became better , ALL Smiles , having fun at school (she goes to the same school as me) she saw that I'm happy now & she wondered , she started initiating contact on facebook & I did respond (I didn't feel horrible after responding) we currently flirt a lot now but recently I've been treated her like a guy & its makes her furious Soo go NC , it will take time but as soon as she realizes that u nolonger care , she will contact , when she contact u will gain all the dignity , respect , power u lost during begging phase 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 (edited) I did the same , I begged , pleaded , cried , used every pathetic way to get her back , I did this for 1-2 months than after that I used NC , strict NC , it was hard for me , everyday passed without talking to her felt like my head was going to explode , but as time proceed I became better , ALL Smiles , having fun at school (she goes to the same school as me) she saw that I'm happy now & she wondered , she started initiating contact on facebook & I did respond (I didn't feel horrible after responding) we currently flirt a lot now but recently I've been treated her like a guy & its makes her furious Soo go NC , it will take time but as soon as she realizes that u nolonger care , she will contact , when she contact u will gain all the dignity , respect , power u lost during begging phase Really? This advice is good to you? So acting all "macho" from an ex girlfriend and degrading her by treating her like a guy is cool to you? I can see why she left and talking to you again sounds like she has WAY more issues than you do. As you are STILL talking to her, you obviously havent moved forward either so this whole "advice" is moot. Also, from your thread yesterday, your EX is with someone else. Good advice. OP, its real simple. Move forward and dont talk to her. There is a VERY small chance she will ever want to get back together and by that time she even THINKS about wanting to, you have already moved on and probably with someone 1000 times better than her! Thats the point of this. Edited September 10, 2013 by ConfusedHumanBeing
Author Bandito Posted September 10, 2013 Author Posted September 10, 2013 Really? This advice is good to you? So acting all "macho" from an ex girlfriend and degrading her by treating her like a guy is cool to you? I can see why she left and talking to you again sounds like she has WAY more issues than you do. As you are STILL talking to her, you obviously havent moved forward either so this whole "advice" is moot. Also, from your thread yesterday, your EX is with someone else. Good advice. OP, its real simple. Move forward and dont talk to her. There is a VERY small chance she will ever want to get back together and by that time she even THINKS about wanting to, you have already moved on and probably with someone 1000 times better than her! Thats the point of this. alright. how long usually before my feelings for hurt start to fade??
JDPT Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 No such thing as that, there isn't a set time. It's as if you were asking "so how long until I lose 20lbs?" It's all based on how much effort you invest towards your recovery journey. You will not lose 20lbs by wallowing the same applies to healing from a breakup. You must proactively make things happen for your self and move forward with your life. 1
Chi townD Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 you sure about that, just disappear and she'll come running back? idk, from the looks of it she's pretty pissed off at me. saying "i never want to see or hear from you again!" wish i could turn the tables on her, and make her be in my position. Yep! I'm 100% sure that if you apply NC and start making positive changes in your life, you'll heal from this and move on. 2
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted September 11, 2013 Posted September 11, 2013 alright. how long usually before my feelings for hurt start to fade?? What Chi and JDPT said there man. There is no set timetable on recovery. Some people it takes just DAYS after the breakup, some take months, some take years.....and sadly, some NEVER get over it. The ones that NEVER do refuse to get better and wallow in pity. DONT BE THAT PERSON! Life is WAY too short to be in misery. With 100% no contact and a willingness to move forward, the journey wont seem as long. How long it takes is up to you. 1
Recommended Posts