oldshirt Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 I have a very similar thread in the infidelity section but I am especially interested in hearing for the OM/OW on this one. Do/did you and your MM/MW have preplans in place for Dday? I know people always think they are not going to get caught but I also know that everyone knows there is a good chance they will. Did your MM/MW ever talk to you about what you were going to do if and when the BS ever became suspicious or ever actually caught y'all with your hands in the cookie jar? What kinds of things have you discussed in the event of a suspicious BS or if you ever got busted?
Red Wolverine Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 We discussed it a few times. He said the following: 1. She wouldn't suspect an affair. Why? She'd have no reason not to trust him. I told him I had a reason...he was having an affair. 2. He wouldn't throw me under the bus. After I disclosed the affair and he was in disaster recovery mode, I was referred to as "an act of stupidity and indiscretion." 3. He couldn't lose me. If she found out, at least it would be out in the open and we'd be free to live our lives together. That never made sense to me. Now, I see it was part of his weak, cowardly behavior. 2
bentleychic Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 To some extent, we have discussed it. Not in a lot of detail. We've discussed how he thinks she would react and how he would react if she found out and confronted him. However, as we all know, words and reality/actions when/if it actually happened are definitely not always one in the same. 1
tiernan Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 My mm went to confess to his W and told her he is leaving.
MissBee Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 I have a very similar thread in the infidelity section but I am especially interested in hearing for the OM/OW on this one. Do/did you and your MM/MW have preplans in place for Dday? I know people always think they are not going to get caught but I also know that everyone knows there is a good chance they will. Did your MM/MW ever talk to you about what you were going to do if and when the BS ever became suspicious or ever actually caught y'all with your hands in the cookie jar? What kinds of things have you discussed in the event of a suspicious BS or if you ever got busted? No in my former A there weren't any discussions of that nature...and a dday didn't happen.
Daisy2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 No. I did ask him when he eventually got caught would he throw me under the bus. This really strange look crossed his face and he didn't say anything. He did profess his love for me that night, then dumped me a week later. I guess my question brought him to reality. It had been 2 years and we didnt get caught. Now, since the past month when he broke up with me, we are just friends and no longer lovers.
BrokenPrincess Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 We had a code word to send if either of us had a DDay. It was mostly so the other wouldn't wonder why one went silent abruptly and to alert the other person to stop all contact immediately. We came up with it after I spent 2 agonizing days after his DDay wondering what the heck was going on. We never had to use it though because he ended it himself the second time before either of us got caught.
whereamigoing Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 We never discussed it. When it happened it came by complete surprise and I wish we had a plan in place. It would have saved me a lot of sleepless nights and confusion. The second dday found us better prepared.
Anna-Belle Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 We knew that yo-yoing and throwing the OW under the bus is very common on Dday. So if that happened the plan was for me to sit steady in the boat and wait until the waters calmed. With all probability he would be back with me after the initial turmoil. Turns out when Dday hit there was no yo-yoing, no throwing the OW under the bus, perhaps exactly because my now separated MM knew that often happens so he watched out for it and made sure he didn't fall into that behavioral pattern. Knowledge is power.
cocorico Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 I have a very similar thread in the infidelity section but I am especially interested in hearing for the OM/OW on this one. Do/did you and your MM/MW have preplans in place for Dday? I know people always think they are not going to get caught but I also know that everyone knows there is a good chance they will. Did your MM/MW ever talk to you about what you were going to do if and when the BS ever became suspicious or ever actually caught y'all with your hands in the cookie jar? What kinds of things have you discussed in the event of a suspicious BS or if you ever got busted? We planned to be together, and he intended to tell her of his plans to leave once he was organised enough. It did occur to is that she might wake up to the A ahead of our schedule, and that the might complicate matters, but it did not terrify s into any huge planning operation. We simply accepted that risk into our normal planning. As it happened, she chose not to believe him even when he told her.
velvette Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 I have a very similar thread in the infidelity section but I am especially interested in hearing for the OM/OW on this one. Do/did you and your MM/MW have preplans in place for Dday? I know people always think they are not going to get caught but I also know that everyone knows there is a good chance they will. Did your MM/MW ever talk to you about what you were going to do if and when the BS ever became suspicious or ever actually caught y'all with your hands in the cookie jar? What kinds of things have you discussed in the event of a suspicious BS or if you ever got busted? Our A was long ago before cell phone, email etc was commonplace. There was virtually no way we could have been caught other than via a PI. So, we talked about ways to be careful of being caught, but I don't recall any convo about what we would do if we were. His plan from early in the A was to divorce. If he had been caught, I think he would have just accelerated that plan. I was very clear in my mind that I had a timeline for him to be D or I would walk away. I think if he had been discovered and not left then, I would have walked away.
Spark1111 Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 I don't believe they had a plan other than to wait until the time was right to divorce me. First it was the youngest settled in college. Well, that came and went. Then, it was reaching his financial goals, as if he would feel less guilty if he could buy his way out of the marriage. So on DDay, there would be over 50 texts to each other as they were in full blown panic mode. I threw him out to be with her, but he kept showing up. Within72 hours I knew her name, where she lived and that she was a co-worker who had been disguised as a man on his cell phone. One night, I saw his car parked in her driveway and started honking after I took a picture of it, his car parked behind her car. I think she realized immediately, as women often do, that he was not in a loveless marriage. I was acting like a woman scorned, out of my mind with grief, and I think it scared the bejeezus out of her. 1
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