oldshirt Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 OK, I know this is kind of a weird question but go along with me here a little bit. What I am wondering is if there are any Waywards out there that have a preplan in place for what they are going to do and say when they get caught. I realize that when people are starting to stray that they think they will be able to cheat under the radar and a part of them thinks they will never get caught. I get that. But what I also think is that most people are smart enough to realize that eventually it IS all going to come to a head. So my question is is what kind of contingency planning have people done to deal with the blow-out when it comes? If you are a WS do you have any plans or any ideas of what you are going to do if your BS becomes suspicious or even catches you with your hand in the cookie jar? If you are a BS, did your WS seem to have a well executed plan in place for when you finally caught on. If you are an OW/OM does your MM/MW have a plan in place for when the sirens start going off. Has your MM/MW included you in any kind of plan when their BS gets suspicious or busts you? I'm just kind of curious for how much planning goes into Dday for when it eventually comes?
Betterthanthis13 Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 My guess would be zero conscious planning. However, he is very smart and highly adaptive, and has the ability to remain calm under pressure. Think Ted Bundy getting pulled over the first time in a routine traffic stop, and letting the officer search the car.
Furious Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 On my d-day my WS was like a deer caught in headlights as I handed him his suitcase and wished him well. Many WS's are just as blindsided by a d-day as the betrayed spouse is in discovering the affair. More often than not, the future faking in an affair is just that, and when the reality of divorce is on the table a great majority of WS's don't leave. Usually a WS who is suddenly faced with a d-day becomes a babbling mess and it's usually an attempt in damage control with denying, minimizing, omitting and trying to keep the cake they've been eating. So many WS's go to great lengths to keep a-day from occurring and the reason is usually to continue cake eating. The only times when a d-day is welcomed by a WS is when it's an exit affair and surprisingly very few of those WS's end up with the OW/OM. 1
compulsivedancer Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 No plan at all. Deny deny deny. OM and I had said "this never happened." About a week pre-DDay, H asked and I wanted to tell, but remembered that. I wish I HAD told. OM told me when we were discussing open relationships that if necessary, I should throw him under the bus regarding sexual prowess, etc. I decided not to. If I was going to tell the truth, I had to tell it all. I told H both the good and the bad in that arena. That's as much planning as there ever was. OM and I always said we would not leave our SOs. It's odd in retrospect that I had a couple days warning pre-DDay, since H was being pretty suspicious, and I still did no planning at all. Affair fog?
road Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 No plan at all. Deny deny deny. OM and I had said "this never happened." About a week pre-DDay, H asked and I wanted to tell, but remembered that. I wish I HAD told. OM told me when we were discussing open relationships that if necessary, I should throw him under the bus regarding sexual prowess, etc. I decided not to. If I was going to tell the truth, I had to tell it all. I told H both the good and the bad in that arena. That's as much planning as there ever was. OM and I always said we would not leave our SOs. It's odd in retrospect that I had a couple days warning pre-DDay, since H was being pretty suspicious, and I still did no planning at all. Affair fog? Did you volunteer how great OM was in bed or did your BH have to ask a bunch of questions to get to learn how he compared?
whatatangledweb Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 My husband had no plans. He thought he could get out of it without me finding out.
compulsivedancer Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Did you volunteer how great OM was in bed or did your BH have to ask a bunch of questions to get to learn how he compared? I didn't say anything purposefully hurtful. And I can't really take any credit for telling the truth. Once H realized what had happened, his bs-meter shot through the roof. Even the times I tried to tell him something gently, he pressed me until I told him the exact truth. Btw, H comes out rather favorably vs. OM.
ladydesigner Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 My husband had no plans. He thought he could get out of it without me finding out. This is what my WH thought too. WH and MOW both had their stories (lies) consistent, although not enough for my gut. I found out the truth on my own. WH said he was trying to protect me from being hurt 1
waterwoman Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 LOL! My H doesn't can't even plan christmas presents more than about a week in advance. I will ask him but as he seemed to be letting things just develop as they will I suspect there was no plan.
dichotomy Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 it is both sad and strange that my wife might have indefinitely continued a hidden part time EA with OM. She had no clue and no plan other than to hide it and not think much of its unhealthy nature. I thank God it unraveled and came out so very very early in our marriage so I could force NC. If it had gone on for a long while in the marriage, I would have divorced her immediately when I found out.
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