affairaddict Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 On 7/8 weeks NC , I want to break NC. This Is the most tempted I've been. It's a why this why that message. I feel all my questions were not answered and I called NC with no closure at all from sweet nothing's to Leave me alone. Struggling.. Aghhhhh
Feb Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 On 7/8 weeks NC , I want to break NC. This Is the most tempted I've been. It's a why this why that message. I feel all my questions were not answered and I called NC with no closure at all from sweet nothing's to Leave me alone. Struggling.. Aghhhhh No, no, no, no ,no. Don't break NC! Is he asking why this and why that? Or are you asking in your head? If you are asking, you don't need to know why. It's over. There is not closure answer he can give you that will make you truly happy. It's either going to be a bunch of B.S., or a brutally honest answer. Both will hurt, so just forget about getting "closure" from him. Re-engaging will set you back and essentially erase all the progress you made thus far. Read the boards -- when has NC ever resulted in something good? 3
Author affairaddict Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 It's not but I miss our friendship so much it hurts. I miss the talking all day. The banter and laughing a lot. I'm questioning if life is worse as an AP or with no one?
KentuckyGent Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 You'll never get the answers you want. Every time I asked for "answers", the "answers" that I did receive left my head spinning even worse than it already was. It's a no win. 3
Author affairaddict Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 He's not asked any questions as I told him how I feel before I cut him off and told him never ever contact or ill ignore him. He hasn't contacted me, so the questions are all mine but like you say he won't be able to articulate himself and doubtful he will be brutally honest . So yeah pointless I suppose.
Ladydrib Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 On 7/8 weeks NC , I want to break NC. This Is the most tempted I've been. It's a why this why that message. I feel all my questions were not answered and I called NC with no closure at all from sweet nothing's to Leave me alone. Struggling.. Aghhhhh Don't do it. Just accept that closure and/or justice is something you will never get. Even in you contact him I promise you will get neither. You will however get set back by 7/8 weeks. You will reassure him that you want him and that it's his choice and he can do whatever he wants. You will regret it and you'll be mad at yourself and feel weak. Just do not do it. At least make yourself wait a day and see what you think tomorrow. Go do something. Get busy. Run some errands. Go get your hair done. Just get busy. 3
Author affairaddict Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 I should leave things. I made strong statements and feel proud for walking away but it's the most awful thing breaking things off when you're still in that high / in love. I keep reminding myself that he's not fighting for me and be accepts my decision to be out of his life so I'm invaluable to him
Ladydrib Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 He's not asked any questions as I told him how I feel before I cut him off and told him never ever contact or ill ignore him. He hasn't contacted me, so the questions are all mine but like you say he won't be able to articulate himself and doubtful he will be brutally honest . So yeah pointless I suppose. Yes. And if he really wanted to contact you he would not follow your request simply because you made it. The reality is that he is either respecting you by not contacting you because he knows he cannot give you what you want and deserve or he simply doesn't have interest anymore. You know what? Does it matter? Neither of those reasons will make you happy. What will make you happy is letting go of a losing situation. Eventually you will forget any promise of happiness that came with him and you will have an entirely new definition of happiness. The more times you go back - the longer this authentic happiness will take to achieve.
livdee Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 totally agree! Don't do it. You have made it this far. I feel the same pull. Some days it's all I can do to not pick up my phone and text him. In my head, I construct different responses that he can give me that will will make me feel better. Will he actually answer that way? No. He will only make the hurt worse, not by being mean spirited but by not living up to my expectation of what he "should" say back to me. Get involved in something. Try to remember how far you have come. Post it here instead! 1
Ladydrib Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 I should leave things. I made strong statements and feel proud for walking away but it's the most awful thing breaking things off when you're still in that high / in love. I keep reminding myself that he's not fighting for me and be accepts my decision to be out of his life so I'm invaluable to him You may not be invaluable to him. It may just be that he knows he cannot offer you anything BUT an A. But does he define your value?? NO! You do. So go make yourself irresistible by renewing your confidence, pride, values, and happiness. Also workout and fix yourself up. Make yourself hot and then just kept thinking that he is the one who lost out on you! Not the other way around. You lost a MM who couldn't give you what you wanted and wouldn't give his wife what he promised yet couldn't do anything but sit there and keep playing both sides. How is that a loss? You've gained nearly two months towards becoming healthy and happy again. Keep it up!! 3
legalgirl Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Stay strong, that is a long time. One email or call or whatever could put you back at square one. Be strong, find things to do to keep your mind off of it. And chances are even if he answers your questions you will not get honest answers!!!
Author affairaddict Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 No he definitely cared. We were at the peak. Were talking about sleeping together after a year. It was intense, if anything we were getting more heady. I knew after sex I would be in over my Head and that's why it had to stop. He is respecting me also because I had a cancer op and he said he didn't want to cause me any hurt or stress and wanted me to have a happy stress free life. Anyway you're right. He cares about me but we can't be friends and we can't be partners so letting go is the only way 1
Ladydrib Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 No he definitely cared. We were at the peak. Were talking about sleeping together after a year. It was intense, if anything we were getting more heady. I knew after sex I would be in over my Head and that's why it had to stop. He is respecting me also because I had a cancer op and he said he didn't want to cause me any hurt or stress and wanted me to have a happy stress free life. Anyway you're right. He cares about me but we can't be friends and we can't be partners so letting go is the only way You had cancer? You don't need this emotional cancer. Please make sure you beat this.
Feb Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 It's not but I miss our friendship so much it hurts. I miss the talking all day. The banter and laughing a lot. I'm questioning if life is worse as an AP or with no one? I agree with the others that you have to get out there and expand your social circles . I know it feels like you had this connection with your MM that won't have with anyone else. Some of that connection though was 1) Him probably telling you what you wanted to hear, and 2) The effort you put into the relationship. There are lots of people out there, that given the same amount of effort you put into it, you can connect to them as well and have that same banter and laughter. I think at this point you've been NC for a while and are pining at what you lost, and not focusing on what you got back. Perhaps you forgot about all the negatives and things your relationship was lacking. There is a tendency to romanticize something that ended suddenly and at the height of the A. 1
KentuckyGent Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 (edited) I keep reminding myself that he's not fighting for me and be accepts my decision to be out of his life so I'm invaluable to him Or he'll wait awhile and come fishing again. . . and you'll still be invaluable to him. So during your time of need (cancer---I had it too btw) he "respected" your wish for NC? If I loved someone that much there isn't a thing I wouldn't do to be there for that person when facing something like cancer. I know you initiated NC, but damn. . . .! Edited September 9, 2013 by KentuckyGent
Author affairaddict Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 Maybe but he wasn't really the type to whisper sweet nothing's to get me in to bed it was more talking and listening and guessing each others words blah blah I think we were very connected and had chemistry I've not had for a long long time. Nope don't reckon he will come back this time. Would put thousands on it. Yeah I had it and he understood and listened to me more than any of my friends . He understood how I was feeling. It was catch 22. Now I don't have a person like that to talk about my treatment it's all so unfair. I won't send a msg. Coming here helped. Thank you guys x
Author affairaddict Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 No KG we went NC before my wishes. Before we went NC I said I had a lump and obviously I didn't think it would be. He found out during NC I had it and eventually broke NC saying he didn't know what to do he wanted to make contact badly but thought it would be stressful and hard and didn't think I'd wanna hear from him:, so it started back up I then broke it off again saying I wanted to be happy and can't do this. I don't agree with you that him staying away is abandoning me when I'm ill I think he's doing the right thing. He knows I love him and he cannot fully be what I want so I don't think he's a bad man for respecting my wishes
Sarabi Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 You lost a MM who couldn't give you what you wanted and wouldn't give his wife what he promised yet couldn't do anything but sit there and keep playing both sides. How is that a loss? Can I just say I really like this part of that comment of yours its something we all need to keep in mind
whichwayisup Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 On 7/8 weeks NC , I want to break NC. This Is the most tempted I've been. It's a why this why that message. I feel all my questions were not answered and I called NC with no closure at all from sweet nothing's to Leave me alone. Struggling.. Aghhhhh Don't! You've come so far! Make your own peace, make your own closure. You really don't need him to give you closure!
whichwayisup Posted September 10, 2013 Posted September 10, 2013 Maybe but he wasn't really the type to whisper sweet nothing's to get me in to bed it was more talking and listening and guessing each others words blah blah I think we were very connected and had chemistry I've not had for a long long time. Nope don't reckon he will come back this time. Would put thousands on it. Yeah I had it and he understood and listened to me more than any of my friends . He understood how I was feeling. It was catch 22. Now I don't have a person like that to talk about my treatment it's all so unfair. I won't send a msg. Coming here helped. Thank you guys x Good! You made the right decision. Your life is better now without him in it. No more constant pain and roller coaster ride. You are in total control so next time you feel like contacting him, DO continue to post here and vent it out so everybody can talk you out of wanting to reach out to him.
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