My wife cheated on me and so the others.

[betterstrongerme]

My first wife cheated on me while I was working abroad. My 5 year old son told me when I came back home for a vacation who saw his mother kissing my bestfriend. I checked immediately her phone and the blinding facts were there. I left her immediately even though she was begging for her forgiveness and promised she will never do it again. I stayed firm on my decision because I strongly believed my life with her will never be the same.

 

To make my story short, I meet another woman and married her. After having a son and daughter with her I decided to work again in abroad because the salary offered was really good. I was planning to bring my family there after one year once I settled everything. One year past my family is ready to come over as I already arranged everything but then I received a sms from my friend telling me my second wife was cheating on me! OMG! as I said to myself "Here we go again!"

 

To cut the story short, I also left her just like my first wife and learned my lesson well never to trust easily to someone else again. For those asking about my children, they are currently with my x-wives and still giving financial support for my kids.

 

You maybe wondering why they left me and so do I. I was faithful to both of them, I love them with all my heart. I gave them anything they wanted. I'm above average and a great lover as well when it comes to sex. So I'm wondering what really went wrong?

 

Well I found it out through many experiences with other women I came across with later on. In this country (Singapore) where I currently working right now, a lot of married women or women in a relationship working here and mostly they came from other countries as well. Since then after I divorced my second wife and my bad experiences keep telling me never to trust again.

 

In just 6 moths after I dumped my second wife, I have a relationships and had sex with 10 different women. Each woman I never took seriously and left them immediately because these were women cheating their husbands or boyfriends using me as a tool. In short, these women actually were married and some have boyfriends or husbands waiting for them in their home countries when they come back!

 

Sorry for my bad English but at least you should already figured out what really went wrong to my past relationships.

Edited September 9, 2013 by betterstrongerme

[road]

The only thing I see is that you F*cked other married women just the way the OM F*cked your wife.

 

The kettle calling the pot black.

 

Look up the definition of hypocrite in the dictionary and you will find your picture.

[dichotomy]

You left these 10 women immediately because you found out they had husbands or boyfriends, or because you wanted to get a bunch of no strings sex. I am not clear on this point.

 

If your point is that women can be as big a pig (or dog) as men can - women can cheat on good husbands and boyfriends. Point taken – agreed – they can be.

 

I imagine long periods of time away create both strong need and easy opportunities - which cheating is often founded on.

 

I am sorry for your children.

Edited September 9, 2013 by dichotomy

[betterstrongerme]

My point is, women or men will cheat for no particular reason because I guess it's human nature. If you give them opportunity or the opportunity present itself they will cheat.

 

To those I unintentionally rattled their furs. You see I already divorced my second wife so I'm free to have a relationship with anybody and you can't call that cheating or want to get even.

 

I was looking for a serious relationship back then to build my life. These women I came across were at one point at a time. I just did a little digging about their background because usually they will lie about their status. Why not? Who cares they are far far away from home and maybe they think nobody will know. If men or women can cheat even if they are surrounded by people they know what else if there is none?

 

I don't like long story so I cut it short. Now I'm happily with someone for almost 5 years. This girl was also cheated by her boyfriend. So we agreed to fully trust each other there will be no secrets. We took an extra step to make it work. We installed an app in our phone that will monitor our call, sms and location anytime we want. We gave our passwords in Facebook, emails, etc. In this way we solved our trusting issue.

Edited September 10, 2013 by betterstrongerme

[BeholdtheMan]

I was faithful to both of them, I love them with all my heart. I gave them anything they wanted. I'm above average and a great lover as well when it comes to sex. So I'm wondering what really went wrong?

OP you sound disillusioned and I wouldn't blame you. A lot of men become disillusioned when their good behaviour goes unrewarded or is even (in their perception) punished.

 

To me, love is a mixture of two different things: friendship (mutual trust and respect, affection...the "emotional" or "spiritual "side) and sexual attraction (the biological or physical side). I can't really think of a better way to characterise it. Good moral character in a man is a great foundation for building the friendship aspect of love but it doesn't make a woman's panties wet.

 

You can be faithful, caring, generous etc. etc., but that won't stop your wife from being sexually aroused by other men. Most men over 25 should all know what turns a woman on sexually: physical appearance (face, height, build), status (fame, wealth, power etc.), and behaviour that reflects status (confidence, boldness, charisma etc.)

 

How does this all apply to cheating? I think it's no secret that human beings enjoy variety. I believe the lure of variety is what leads both men and women to cheat. The two factors against cheating are...

1) level of sexual attraction to partner

2) loyalty based on foundation of friendship with partner

 

If the love between you and your wife is friendship-heavy, she might search for sexual satisfaction elsewhere.

 

If the love between you and your wife is lust-heavy, she might feel less obligated on an emotional level to remain faithful to you. Sure, she enjoys sex with you but she'd also enjoy some variety.

 

The best case scenario is that the love between you and your wife is a nice balance between frienship and lust. In this case, you'd have two factors in your favour. You make her wet and give her good orgasms and she's emotionally attached to you (she cares about you, respects you and doesn't want to hurt you).

 

Her personal integrity (basically her ability to resist temptation) is beyond your control. The most you can do is try to make sure that 1) you are sexually attractive to her and 2) you are emotionally compatible (the two of you would actually make great friends).

 

If she's a woman of high integrity, your life will be much easier. Not only will she have a strong resistance to tempation, but she'll avoid situtations in which temptation is rife.

 

If she's a woman of low integrity and for some reason you want to keep her, this is where "game" comes in. By nature, we humans value more what we might lose and take for granted what we think will never leave us. If she's emotionally attached to you and sexually attracted to you, you have high value in her eyes. If you go out of your way to remind her that you have plenty of other options and that there are other women vying for your attention, she'll be too busy trying to hold on to you to have thoughts of cheating.

 

Honestly, gaming a girl is a pain in the ass, and it tends to undermind the foundation of sincere friendship on which a healthy relationship should be based. I think your time and effor is better spent on weeding out women of low integrity and maintaining the sexual and emotional chemistry once a relationship has been established. You don't have to keep her on her toes all the time, but you'd be wise to maintain your appearance and your confidence.

[dichotomy]

. You see I already divorced my second wife so I'm free to have a relationship with anybody and you can't call that cheating .

 

 

Yes I can .....and will. Sorry, I understand much of what you wrote - agree with some of it,but not this. Even as a single person - you knowingly have sex with a married or committed person - I believe you are an accessory to cheating and adultery, and in my mind - are committing adultery. I hope this was not the case and you bailed after you did your digging. Everyone has free will, however you own your actions.

 

It sounds like you and your current woman have a formal policy of transparency and openness due to past issues, good for both of you. Good relationships are built on knowing each other on a deep level.

Edited September 10, 2013 by dichotomy

[Darren Steez]

What's the point of this thread, his wive's cheat on him and he goes and sleeps with other men's wives? A bit strange.

[drifter777]

Well, I wouldn't leave your current girlfriend to work abroad if I were you - but I'm sure you know that by now.

 

What happened to you, twice, is horrible and I'm sorry for you. Have you seen a counselor to talk about this? I'm wondering if you attract or are attracted to weak-willed women who need constant validation from men for some reason. I'd look into this if I were you, and I wouldn't trust your girlfriend unconditionally.

[betterstrongerme]

As I said earlier these women lied to me regarding about their status. They pretended they are single, separated or divorced. I left them immediately once I know they lied about their status. I also told them about my past and I'm looking for a serious relationship with a faithful woman.

 

You see, my current gf we have been together for almost 5 years and our relationship is almost perfect. Our transparency rule helped us a lot and a big factor to gain back the trust for someone. If this works for us then it should be useful to others with the same bad experiences. Starting a new life with someone and giving your trust completely will not happen overnight. Guaranteed you will bring along your painful past experiences and somehow affecting your new relationship.