Boyfriend of 5 1/2 years left me for another girl

[Beaa_1]

I KNOW THIS IS LONG BUT PLEASE READ thank you !

 

 

Hi this is my story. My boyfriend and i have been together for 5 1/2 years. He is 21 and i am 20 years old. Our relationship started when i was a freshmen in high school and he was a sophmore. During our high school years our relationship was really strong. i believe however this is only because we were in school together and we would hang out before school, nutrition, lunch and after school. The year he graduated our relationship still remained strong as he would put in an effort to go see me after school in the bus (he does not have a car) . well its been two years since i myself graduated high school. we didnt see each other as before because he lives somewhat far from me in the congested part of LA (downtown LA, Staples center) but when i first got my car I would go see him for an average of 2 times a week. Things changed alittle because i started school and was busy with work but we still made it work. Id go see him when i was able to and he'd come see everytime he'd get a chance to borrow his dads car.

 

Well the 4rth year into our relationship things changed and we slowly drifted apart. We wouldnt see each other as much we would jst communicate over the phone and texting. I always tried to go see him whenver i could.sometimes i would see him but sometimes he'd prefer to go out with his cousins and watch soccer games. . This is when i started feeling insignificant in his life and as if i was the only one putting work in the relationship.

 

I met a friend in college who so happen to be a guy. This guy was really sweet to me but i made sure to let him know i did indeed have a boyfriend. It was very obvious this guy wanted more but i would just talk to him about my boyfrend and i would become distracted. My boyfriend did not like this at all but i assured him he was just a friend . A friend who knew how much i loved and was comitted to my boyfriend. Hearing my stories this guy would tell me to leave my boyfriend because he took me for granted and that he himself would treat me better ect ect but i always rejected him and said no . Well the first time my boyfriend and i broke up for a solid month was due to the fact that he kept on putting of hanging out with me. He'd agreed to a date to hang out but then later ended up changing the date to another time because of stuff he had to do. I understood this and did not get mad until he repatedly kept doing it. This time he said he had forgot he had made plans with me and couldnt hang out because he had made plans to go with his cousins to watch a soccer game in a sports place( he has played soccer for most of his life so he loves soccer) anyways This wasnt the first time he had prefered a soccer game over me. this was the straw that broke the camels back. I was fed up. I told him i couldnt believe he would prefer to go watch a soccer game that he could watch re runs or clips of later on than to hang out with me. Keep in mind this is when we would only see each other 2 times a month! So he basically told me to stop "bitching" and to come later after the game or to not come at all"

 

I told him i would not go and all he said was "k". I did not reply after that and We did not talk after that for a month. i tried to contact him after that and texted him "hey" 3 weeks into not talking but he did not reply.

 

Anyways feeling i had done what i could i finally decided to give this other guy a chance. I had been nothing but friends with this guy for a year and finally decided to give it a try. Things were great between this guy and I and he helped me forget about my ex boufriend little by little. However into the 2nd month of officially dating this guy. He went through my phone when i was asleep and found old messages of my boyfriend and i. during the same time i also slowly started seeing a side of this guy i did not like ( he would do drugs and get physical with me during arguments) anyways believeinf my boyfriend and i still had something going on He texted my boyfriend a picture of me sleeping saying i had moved on and was with him and asking him to leave me alone.

I was furious at the guy but shocked at how my boyfriend reacted. I always thought that once he found out i had given this guy a chance soon after we broke up we would be over for good and he would never want anything with me. IT WAS THE EXACT SAME OPPOSITE! My ex boyfriend who i had been broken up with for 2 months was begging me to have breakfast with him because he wanted to talk. I go and have breakfast with him and he begs me to come back to him because he will be a different person.

 

And this is what i do. I break up with the other guy and get back with my boufriend. We were back for 4 months when all of sudden my boyfriend breaks up with . A significant part of the story i think is fair i should say is tht when i was with the guy we did have sex once and my boyfriend knew this. I told him that was when me and him were broken up and he said he was hurt about it BUT all he cared about was that we were together again

 

So anyways 4 months into being back together out of no where my boyfriend brakes up with me saying he had lost feeling for me and things arent going to work out anymore. After i kept on bugging him for a real explanation he finally confessed that there was someone else he was talking to and wanted to try things with her just like i did with the guy. And that he could not take it off his conscious that i gave this guy a chance so quickly after our break up especially that we had sex. Wtf!! Why doesnt he look at the whole picture when i was the only one trying so hard to see him and make us work! Its like hes punishing me for trying to move on from him. Is it fair?!

Im heartbroken. I feel as if he did this for revenge. I tell him it feels like revenge but he says its not. Ive been begging him to come back to me but he is determined to try things with this other girl. I texted him saying "youre basically leaving me for another girl?" And he replied "you can put it that way" . Idk what to do i really love this man we are each others first bf/gf and our first sex partner. Should he have the same right to go out with a different person just like i did?! Remember the only reason i even considered giving the other guy a chance is because my boyfriend would take me for granted . Please help i keep begging my boyfriend to come back. At this point he has stopped writting back to my texts and is ignoring my calls. So far its been one day i have not tried to contact him and its been killing me inside

Help!!! Should i let him go for good? Should i tell him ill be waiting for him if it doesnt work out with the other girl?

Please help

[Philosoraptor]

Neither of these guys are good for you, and you don't seem to have a clue what you want. Your 5+ year boyfriend does not treat you well, ignores you, and doesn't seem to want to spend any real time with you. He only asked for you back due to his ego as it hit him that someone else had his "property". He left again as his reason for getting you back wasn't true, he just saw someone else with someone he used to have.

 

This other guy is obviously manipulative and abusive, he also is a sneak that digs through your things.

 

In no way should you say you'll be waiting for anyone. Neither of these guys is worth a thing, and you have work to do on yourself before you can establish a healthy relationship. You need to figure out what you want, and don't accept less than that, before you can truly find happiness with another.

[CaliBabe]

Right on the nose Philo. Well said.

[Beaa_1]

Wow first and formost thank you Philosoraptor for taking time out of your day to read my long thread and offering encouraging words of advise.

 

You are completely right. I am in denial.

It hurts to realize the only reason my boyfriend wanted me back

was because there was someone else in the picture. When he had me back

he chooses to leave me and pursue a relationship with someone else.

For some reason i keep justifying his actions by blaming myself and believing i brought this upon myself for giving the other guy a chance too quickly.

I am extremely dissapointed in myself. I was so desperate for this man's love i asked him

for intimacy one last time as an excuse to see him in person. Knowing he would not turn down sex i asked him if he would be open to the idea. He accepted.

Since both of us still live with our parents our only option is a hotel room. He agreed with the exception that he would not be paying anything for the room.

 

I tell him its okay i will pay. I pick him up and on our way to the hotel he is on his iphone texting someone one.( he never used to be on his phone before when we would hang out) . I briefly sneak a glance and see he is texting someone it is around 11 pm. A guy is not going to be texting a another guy at 11 at night so i immediatly knew he was texting the other girl hes leaving me for right there in front of me!! I understand we are not together but ouch does he have no heart? I immediately broke down. I changed my mind about the hotel and drove him back home. Mid way back to his house he convinces me to just get the hotel. I so stupidly agreed.

We spend the night together and have intimacy but his decison is still the same in the morning..

Im so dissapointed in myself. How can i stoop so low? I know i was the the one who suggested the idea but it only made things worse for me. Feeling used.

After that i tried texting him and he did reply. I could not stop myself from asking him questions that would irritate him like if he was thinking of that girl while we were doing it ? he said no and that was the real truth. I also asked him if he was even still attracted to me. He said yes. I asked are you attracted more to her though?

He snapped and said " stop doing this to yourself already! just stop damn. There thats it im not going to reply to your messages anymore goodnight" .

 

Thats the last ive heard of him. I sent him a lengthy message telling him how it finally hit me thats hes done with me and that i accept it and i wish them both the best but thats ill always be here for him as a friend incase he ever needs something.

He never replied:(

Its so hard. I know its easy for him because hes probably in the honey moon stage of talking to this girl.

Would it be bad to text him one more time and ask him if we'd ever have a chance of getting back in the future? I feel as if i had blame in this too because i tried a relationship with the guy which in turn made me realize the only one i want is my boyfriend. Is there a chance him going out with this girl will be a way for him to test the waters and maybe realize he misses me?

Pathetic i know

Ive lost all my dignity and self esteem

[Purepony]

Ive been looking around this forum for about 7-9 months and this thread made me join just to post a reply.

 

Ive been where you are and know its going to get worse before it gets better. First you need to avoid all contact! Go nc!

 

Go no contact to preserve yourself and collect your feelings.

Its obvious these two losers are scumbags! You dodged a bullet be thank ful for that.

If your x is seeing someone your best chance is to leave him alone if you want any chance to get him back.

Edited September 9, 2013 by Purepony

[Beaa_1]

Hi Purepony. Wow thank you that means a lot. Getting advise from someone whos been in this position helps alot. The break just occured last week so i have a long way to go in my journey of healing.

 

Its really motivating to know that someone whos had this happend to them got through it. I will follow your advise and go nc. A part of me wants to leave him alone and let him date whoever he left me for with out any contact but another part of me is scared that during this time without any contact from me he will build a bond with this girl and fall in love with her.

For the time being i will just leave him alone. I wanted to ask him if theres a possibility of us getting back together in the future but im pretty certain hes not even going to write back.

A lot of people tell me to move on but its so hard. I try and keep myself busy with school and just recently signed up for a gym. Ima try to hang out with friends during the day or try to keep myself busy with hw but the hardest part is at night when ima fight my urges to text/call him.

We've broken up before over silly things but always get back together that was when there was no one else in the picture

[Philosoraptor]

Don't beat yourself up over the past, it's already happened and there's nothing you can do to change it. Learn from these mistakes and use them to become a stronger person in the future. Try to spin it in a positive light, you didn't make a mistake, you learned a lesson. And as long as you make better choices from here on out that lesson was well learned.

[Omei]

Ew why would you want him back? Re read your own story. He's with another girl and used you for easy sex.

 

Go leave a bag of poop on his doorstep and then get some pride!

[Purepony]

You two would probably get back for convenience or because it was a routine of getting back together. You expect to get back together because you're done it before so you kept same routine going.

 

Now things will be different because he has a new girl that he's interested. Little by little he might start to notice flaws, if you're not there he might miss you too and that's when the calls start to come in. So be ready for him to make some attempt at getting you back or getting your attention.

 

My advice and I think most will agree is going no contact, no matter what ignore him delete facebook delete his number or block it to when he calls you goes to voicemail.

 

The outcome on his relationship should not be a concern anymore when he left you that means you're free to go on your own.

You also said you live by the staple center luckily you're in LA and there are so many things to do there and explore that will keep your mind busy. I go to LA maybe once or twice a month so I'm familiar with the area there are many things to do. Get a new hobby and start working on it!

 

Keep us posted on the updates and if you need anyone to talk to were all here.