chickpea84 Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Hey. I have been so upset all day. I am a chubby girl, maybe even fat but not obese.. Like an XL. Anyway, I have a new boyfriend and we were laying in bed last night. Talking about introducing eachother to our parents. He asked me what I think my parents would think of me. I said im not quite sure. Then I asked him the same question and he said. "Well I know one thing my mother will think" "She does not like fat people". He has never called me fat before. He sometimes calles me pretty. It just broke my heart on so many levals.. First that he called me fat.. Just like that.. Then the fact that he strait up says I wont be good enough in his mothers eyes. And then I jsutstart thinking of peoples perception of me. I am so many more things that fat. I told him to put his clothes on and go home.. And he did.. He has texted me saying it was a stupid thing to say. Then he started to accuse me of just using what he said as an excuse for dumping him.. And that is not true.. My BF is 41 and I am 29. I am just so sad..
HappyLove Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Good for you for kicking the jerk out! What a loser, he basically set you up with that question. He only asked so you could ask him the same and he could finally tell you you're fat. Tell his old ass to hit the road! Don't let some loser break your confidence. He's 41 how old is his mom anyways 70ish please! He should be so lucky to have a twenty something year old in the prime of her life laid up in bed with him! You're not even obese, how rude! 6
Toddbt12y1 Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Your bf is an idiot, who absolutely disrespected you. This is such a bad sign. If his mother has a problem with how you look: screw her! She doesn't sound like a good person, frankly, neither does he sound like a respectful person. Explain to him how it felt(assuming you do not want to break-up, but this is probably a good red flag as to what to expect in the future), and see how he reacts. When someone cares about you, a little weight won't matter. He disrespected you, and if his mother does the same, frankly, I'd ditch him. Not good to feel bad or self conscious when around people(especially bf). This is a respect issue. 3
Author chickpea84 Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 Thank you very much for your answers.. I don´t feel like a want to talk to anyone IRL about this as most ppl have things going on right now.. But I felt like i really needed to let it out. I started feeling like maybe I overreacted.. But it hurt such a lot.. It feel better now I see that you also feel like he crossed the line..
Toddbt12y1 Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 He certainly crossed a respect line. You look fine, and don't let a rude old man and his mommy upset you. Sounds overly immature on their end. Just as another said: youre 29, he should be happy for that young stuff. He's just disrespectful, that makes him lame. 1
amaysngrace Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 That's completely awful of him to criticize the way you look. I think it is some way to make you feel self-conscious in an effort to control the relationship by making you feel bad about yourself. If you stay then he knows how little self-esteem that you have and he can be a real prick with that knowledge. Good for you for thinking enough of yourself to tell him to leave. That sounds pretty healthy to me.
Balzac Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 I don't know if thumping him for not being quick of mind is valid. He was relaying his mother's assessment and therefore her choice of descriptive word. For all you know, his mother is an anorexic. It may be that she views any woman wearing a double digit size--fat. It's very likely her preferred word of description. Seems to me that your BF wasn't clever enough to posture his honesty with clear attribution to his mother and her values. Sadly your feelings may have ultimately been hurt during interactions w her anyway. If BF was happy w you, attracted to you and otherwisek compatible, how much significance do you place on what his mother's opinion is? I have a buddy who comes from a family of female dancers, all are extremely thin and despite being over 60 his mom is focused on her weight. My buddy eschews women who are thin and very much enjoys women like you, voluptuous and happy to be so. Not saying he was smart to use the F word but it's a done deed now.
Ninjainpajamas Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 It was a passive aggressive attack at your weight no doubt about it in my mind, I doubt his mother is going to raise hell with him because he's "in love" with a woman who is overweight...but that's not the case anyway, and is his mother really that involved in his life where she'd be so critical that her 41 year old son dating a woman 12 years his junior anyway? mom isn't dumb, she can figure that one out either way...and she'd probably not care and figure it's about damn time if he's never been married or in a serious committed relationship. I don't think there was any nice way of telling you but a lot of men do think "if she was only skinnier...then maybe she'd be perfect" so hate to kick you while you're down but you might as well find out the truth since you're in this situation and that's likely what the scenario is here and he wants you to drop some weight without telling you directly and using his mom as to take the blame for it. If the guy really wanted to be with you, he would have accepted your weight from the beginning and it wouldn't be an issue but this is something that has likely bothered him about you...and unfortunately this is not uncommon for men as weight tends to matter quite a bit for many.
pteromom Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Maybe his mother is a judgmental jerk, and he just chose poor language to describe how she would react. I would use his past behavior to decode this. Has he ever put you down before? Has he ever said things that cause you to feel poorly about yourself or keep you "inferior" to him? If he has, this was likely a purposeful dig. If he hasn't, it was likely a slip, and I would try to forgive him and move forward. Depending on how you take it, it could be more insulting to his mother than it is to you. 2
KathyM Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 I think what he said to you was very insensitive and rude. I'm glad you kicked him out when he disrespected you like that. I think he showed his true colors, and this was not just a slip of the tongue. I mean, who says that kind of thing to someone he supposedly likes and cares about?
Dallers Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Using the F word is no different to telling a woman to relax when she is standing over you with a machete. Don't ask. Even so, the man is clearly clueless because saying something like that to someone they are suppose to care about can destroy someone who takes it to heart, which a lot of people do. You certainly do not need that idiot and if he doesn't like you the way you are he should not have gone out with you in the first place! As for his mother what a b*tch. I personally am so crazy about getting skinny and lean and in perfect shape myself, but I cannot stand my woman being exactly the thing I want to be ha ha. I need a woman with curves or I am just totally turned off. I am the opposite of my own demon's Hopefully you have learnt not to listen to others opinions otherwise now is the time to start, f**k everyone else and what they think. Accept who you are and only change if you want to change. 1
Recommended Posts