Senn Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Hi everyone, I first wanted to say, thank you for taking the time to read all of this. I’m not 100% sure this belongs in the right section but I think it does so here we go. Early this July, I met a girl who apparently was a family friend that I knew as a child. She is from Hong Kong and was spending two months in California as she was transitioning to graduate school. We met and sparks really flew off. By the second week of her being in CA, we were already going out on dates and eventually, we were basically functioning in a relationship - spending lots of time together and all of that; however, we never declared we were going to be in a relationship. She told her friends and family about me, I was introduced to her younger sister as well who came to visit SF. My life at that point, was absolute bliss. Things were great except there was one catch. I was moving to the East Coast early August for my job and she was going back to Hong Kong for at least one year of school and then who knows. So we both knew that there was this giant long distance barrier with no certainty of when it would end. Eventually, we decided that it would be best not to be in a relationship because the long distance relationship surely wouldn’t last. We both agreed that we loved each other, saw long term potential in each other but since we are both 23/22, and on literally opposite sides of the world, it’s too early for us to be making such drastic decisions, we have our lives ahead of us to live. We decided that we’d be friends and reevaluate everything further down the road or if we were ever together in the same city or at least closer together. So here’s where the problems start I leave first for the East Coast while she stays in California. We’re still texting and talking lots everyday, exchanging cute messages expressing our yearning for each other etc. Then a week before she leaves for Hong Kong, things change. Her texting dwindles, basically it seems as though her interest in talking to me is falling / she’s going out all the time and doesn’t really talk. Before she leaves, we talk while she’s at the airport terminal. I ask her where we stand and she says that her feelings haven’t changed - we both are going off to live our lives and stay friends and if the opportunity arises, revisit this whole relationship when the time is right. So fast forward to recent times I’m really confused. Because the way we interact to me, is very strange. We’re currently “Friends” but we hardly behave like friends. We have sporadic superficial conversations. I message her during times I know she’s awake and it takes her hours to respond. The things we talk about are dull and it’s clearly evident that there’s no emotion behind her messages. For example, I texted her “I miss you” and her response was “That was a very sweet message, thank you.” So clearly there isn’t a reciprocation of feelings. I understand that if If we’re just friends though, I shouldn’t be sending her messages like that anyways. But just our interactions as friends are very superficial. Normally at this point, I would assume she just had a change of heart and doesn’t really feel that way about me but doesn’t want to say anything to confront it. But I feel like I can’t just assume she doesn’t care because every once in a while she’ll send me a photo or something that brings back memories of our summer. When she got back to Hong Kong, she even also sent me a photo of her and her mom/sister who she told about me. Those are all things that I feel have some sort of substantial meaning. However, now we’re not talking at all anymore. I’m just trying to figure out what to do from here on out. It seems like she’s switched off her feelings now. It feels like I have to let this whole thing go for now and if fate ever brings us back together, it will. What do you think?
Mariposa10 Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 Sounds like you two had a really nice time together, there's not much you guys can do now because of the distance. Long distance relationships rarely work... So it sounds like you have the answer to your own question, "it feels like I have to let this whole thing go for now and if fate ever brings us back together, it will." Good luck!
r321148 Posted September 13, 2013 Posted September 13, 2013 It always sucks when other things end a good relationship. I'm in kind of the same position myself. I'd trust yourself. You know you guys had a great time and I'm sure she does too and I am sure she does still care deeply about you. Maybe she is just finding the adjustment to friends difficult hence not expressing her feelings? You need to stop sending things like that as it probably makes things harder for her. Yes it's always nice to know somebody is missing you but when you've both already had to make a decision that you didn't want to make and are trying to adjust I don't think it helps. If you really want to be friends it may just take some time. I know it's hard but I guess all you can do is appreciate the great time you guys had, move forward and work on yourself. You need to do whatever is best for you. I'd advise against waiting for her as it will stop you moving on when it may be that your paths won't cross again or if they do then feelings may have changed. Assume she is gone and then if she comes back and things work out then they were obviously meant to be and it'll be a nice bonus but not an expectation. Good luck with this, I know it's hard!
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