Roller EastCoaster Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Im 34, was in 3 separate long term relationship in HS / College / post-college. Each was a long term thing at least 2.5 yrs. I went through the typical ups and downs in those relationships. The HS one was puppy love I guess and I was still an emotional virgin, the college one was a severe roller coaster due to drinking/drugs on her part, and the most recent one was a 5.5 yr one that included a lot of love a break up in between and two years of long distance. So as you can see I been through the ringer in relationships and have gone through all the different feelings that they tend to bring out in a guy being the long-term dater that I was. Fast forward to now, Ive been single for 5 yrs roughly and loved it for the most part. I dated lot of girls in this last 5 yrs and the freedom is great and everything is done at the single person's pace and on their terms. This lifestyle always made me feel so in control of my own life and my feelings. Where as when I was in relationships there was always some anxiety or some agitation in my mind about the the things my girlfriend in the past was saying or doing. Granted the women I was in relationships were highly independent women and would do what they pleased as I tried my best to give them as much freedom within the relationship to make their own choices and they did so vice versa with me. I do not think I was an overly jealous guy or controlling even if they went out a lot and flirted and partied. BUT I was always somewhat anxious about something or the other .. like why they stayed out so late, drank so much and could not just have a few drinks, or noticing them flirting, or why they did not call / text more frequently, or why they are gone away to see family or friends for too long, or you know, the typical little things that can upset or throw you off in a relationship. That's my dilemma Im dating someone one, its gotten serious pretty fast. Im no longer the cool single guy I was over the last five years that just did everything on my own terms and if something a woman did bothered me, I would say see see you later and date someone else. Now about 2.5 months in with this girl, who Im definitely really really into Im finding I care too much about any little thing that happens and find myself having anxiety. I hate being like this. I feel immature and needy... WTF? I was never like this over past five yrs, cuz I just didn't give a F*ck.. now that Im starting this thing with her I get agitated if she stays out late, or is gone on the weekend with family or friends, if she doesn't call, my reaction to these things is to just not respond when she does text call, Ill wait a few hours or wait unitl next morning.. This is so annoying to be like this. I am really happy when with her and things are going good (95%) of time, but I hate when the anxiety kicks over little stuff.. Any suggestions? Am I being immature and needy? Why have I gone from being the calm fun single guy to the not so fun dude that gets upset over little stuff? This seems to not bode well for me / us..
Author Roller EastCoaster Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 Oh ya, I should add that at this point we have already said I love you, it was a spur of the moment thing, but there are definitely some deep feelings already, so it seemed natural to say it. I guess Im in it to win it now..
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 I relate and that's why I avoid relationships now. To me relationship = stress, anxiety, feeling drained There is always something that bothers me about what the other person is doing or saying. I am over-thinking, my work suffers, my friendships go downhill. When I am single, I feel the sense of inner peace that I never had in relationships.
Author Roller EastCoaster Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 Trust me if I could I would enjoy the single life forever.. but in reality there's a lot of loneliness in being single that I realized too. Grass is always greener on other side it seems. There has to be a better way in relationships to not have those feelings. Communication helps a lot, but I prefer not tell every little thing about how Im feeling.. I want to do this whole-heartedly and give it a shot, but man its annoying having these feelings. I get a sinking feeling they will continue and not fade away... damn...
Eternal Sunshine Posted September 9, 2013 Posted September 9, 2013 Trust me if I could I would enjoy the single life forever.. but in reality there's a lot of loneliness in being single that I realized too. Grass is always greener on other side it seems. There has to be a better way in relationships to not have those feelings. Communication helps a lot, but I prefer not tell every little thing about how Im feeling.. I want to do this whole-heartedly and give it a shot, but man its annoying having these feelings. I get a sinking feeling they will continue and not fade away... damn... Yep, I get lonely too. Sometimes I wonder which is better: lonely + peaceful or not lonely + anxious? The only time I feel no anxiety when dating is when I am not that interested but that sucks too :/
Author Roller EastCoaster Posted September 9, 2013 Author Posted September 9, 2013 I think its one of those things where the individual although in a relationship still has to focus on their own thoughts/feelings and learn to subdue them and let the anxiety not take over. I know I can do it, its just a tough thing to get down and dirty with. Kind of like meditating and remembering that they are not the center of our world. We are.
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